POSTS TAGGED: spoof

Tonight on Desperate Housewives, Danielle brings her family for a visit, MJ gets bullied, Lynette makes Tom feel like he’s worthless for the millionth time, and Mike makes Jackson his bitch. …and McCluskey tries to initiate a key party. Dirty ho!

It’s another Thursday night and I sit down fully prepared for more self centered arguments, painful whining, un-mistakable sexual undertones and misleading logic. And that’s just from the Vice-Presidential debates! Thank you Sarah and Joe for interrupting an hour of Meredith whining for an hour and a half of your own. But fear not readers, [...]

This week on Project Runway, a girl wins! YAY! Someone please water Kenley before she dies.

Offices, as a rule, suck as far as interior design goes. Unless you’re Anna Wintour (editor of Vogue) or Diane Von Furburger (famously accented fashion designer) or Martha Stewart (God), you pretty much are stuck with a room that has all the personality and sex-appeal of a wad of gum stuck under the conference room [...]

On this week’s episode of “The Hills,” BLAHDRINA IS A DEPLORABLE DUMBASS. Which we already knew, but it became more unbearably evident than ever before. Plus, she goes through the whole episode looking like that chick Alotta Fagina from “Austin Powers,” with or without the buoyancy of water. Less awful and more fuckable than Blahdrina.

This week on The Island, Robin gets to taste some pizza, Johnny Bananas gets a taste of his own medicine, and oh look, I think Evelyn wants to play baseball with Johnny’s head… Fun!

Making the Band has been crying wolf with manufactured drama all season. And although this episode ended with a dramatic cliffhanger, I remain skeptical. Let’s take a looksee, shall we? I hope he’s channeling the reality tv gods cuz this show needs some SAVIN’!

Hello gorgeous dolls, and welcome to Atlanta for the latest installment of the Real Housewives! This Housewife franchise isn’t really my bag of tricks, quite frankly, new money bores me. But a few weeks ago, during one of my bonding days with my sofa, I happened to catch the preview special on Bravo, and next [...]

Dear Crabby: Can this show get any better in terms of reaching a telenovelas high this season? -Couch Ass Groove Dear Couch: Any better, and you’ll have to be writing to Dear Happy. And no one wants that! -Crabby/Happy Glad to see the Biore strips are working, Betty! This was ONE SWEET episode of Ugly [...]

This week on I Love Money, the episode is as long as Midget Mac’s wang! Which is ironic, to say the least.

Dear Gasmii, I am sorry to say that this week’s episode chronicling the lives of our valiant, fighter, wannabes left me SHOCKED. Completely, SHOCKED by the boorish, violent, and crude behavior of some of the little guys. Who would have thunk that alcoholic punks would behave so badly when locked in a testosterone ridden house [...]

Yatta! I did it! I finally found a job that absolutely fits me and is willing and able to pay me more than packing peanuts and boxes of Mike&Ike. Oh wait, the economy is going to render the future job null and void (I was silly enough to choose “journalist/writer” as my career), and now [...]

This week on Project Runway, Kors steals from Kenley, Kenley steals from McQueen, and Squirc steals construction paper from middle schools to finish her line. I got you, damn fly!

Would probably make a better Republican presidential candidate. Wow. You know, there’s nothing like a good verbal beat-down when it comes to protecting the honor of a weak living Barbie Doll. On this week’s episode, Holly Montag ups the ante on familial defense with her cojones of steel, Pigpen secures his nook in Blahdrina’s vagina, [...]

****Note from the Editor: We weren’t going to cover Paris Hilton’s show because, well, why? But then we saw it. Please welcome your newest recapper, TheAngriestWhitestMale! Cute, ain’t he?

Tonight (or today, if it’s daytime when you’re reading this) on Desperate Housewives: Jackson and Mike bond (but not nakedly) much to Susan’s chagrin; Gabby whines AGAIN about being poor and ugly, Lynette does something seriously icky, and Bree is pretty much a bitch to everyone throughout the entire episode. I’ll get you, Batman!

So at this point, I’m pretty sure a higher being is keeping me from getting these recaps done on time. And no, it’s not my local bartender. No, the greater force this week was my own idiot self when I locked myself out of my apartment for an entire afternoon with nothing on me except [...]

This week on The Island, Johnny has a birthday party, Ashli makes me hate her; and Johanna does her best Slutty Drunk Shotgirl impression. “Good one! Now do Stupid Spoiled Whore!”

After last week’s recap of Making the Band, one of my favorite Gasmiis, Y3KPhenom, commented about Que and Dawn’s romance, saying “I hope that MTV tones the coverage down a bit, but really, what else is there for them to show with this group? More Orangebrey faux-drama? More Diddy nuttiness? I mean, Will’s chest is [...]

Dear Crabby: Is it possible Ugly Betty has redeemed itself from last week? -Couch Ass Groove Dear Couch: In the words of Homer Simpson, “Jesus, Allah, Buddha, I love you all!” because yes, they did! And I’m not just saying that because I’m high on Benadryl, either. -Crabby We begin this Ugly Betty much where [...]

Ahoy hoy, Gasmi! My sincerest apologies for the lack of recap last week gang, but it was Spring Awakening’s opening night and hearing “Momma” again literally drove me into a rage-induced coma. Anywhoodle, we are back with a vengeance (and with an interesting episode to boot)! But before we delve into episode 6, here’s a [...]

This week of House is brought to you by Episode Formula #4: Doctor Sees Self in Patient. You may remember that we got the same formula in the premiere, to less than stellar results. Does it work this week? Read on! Playing the Patient: Breckin Meyer, who I really like. Playing the Doctor: Louie. Finally [...]

Hey Gasmii, Here we are down to 16 ‘contendahs’; 8 semi heavyweight and 8 lightweight, all about to take up residence in the Training House. Let the dysfunction begin… Boys will be boys. And, with that mildly titillating beginning, let’s all down the obligatory and medically necessary sedative of our choice and take the jump…

And we’re off! To the races, and also to jail. Mahone gets got, but do the Superfriends let him rot in jail or risk their mission to save him? Okay, you can probably guess the answer to that. But wow, a busy day for Team Justice! Two Missions: Implausible in one episode, and we still [...]

Last week’s outrageous 6 hours of Dancing With The Stars resulted in the ousting of “comedian” Jeffrey Ross and professional handsome man Ted McGinley. I just have to say. Poor Jeffrey. Getting poked in the eye and then summarily kicked off the show. That’s gotta hurt. That glitter patch hurt us way more than it [...]

This week, the final four designers on Project Runway blow the judges out of the water and prove to America that this isn’t the worst season ever. Why else would Nina be making this face? She’s brought out the cow print. We’re screwed.

This week’s ANTM/Hoolia co-sponsored lesson: You know you’ve been feeling guilty about your recaps when Top Model infiltrates your dreams. Yes Gasmii, I’m sad to admit that last night, I had my first (and let’s pray to Tyra, my last) ANTM-related dream. I’ll spare you the lame details because face it – everyone thinks their [...]

Time for part 2 of this week’s Kitchen Nightmares, or really the second of two entirely separate episodes. I love me some Gordon Ramsay, but I hope he doesn’t make a habit out of this. The relationship is getting a bit serious. I need a little me-time. Aw, come on…don’t look at me like that…

“So, here we are, frenemies.” This week on “The Hills,” nobody is dating anybody, LC doesn’t care, and Heidi is in perfect mental health. Yeah right! Join me, won’t you, to find out which blonde ends up with the sunlight streaming through her golden tresses as she sobs silently by the end of the half [...]

This week on Desperate Housewives, Bree is now Martha Stewart, Katherine is now bitter(er), Lynette is now Lynette, Edie is now back, Susan is now Gabby, and Gabby’s now “fat.” And still, people keep running over on time and robbing McClutzky of her bits. HEATHENS!

This week on Kitchen Nightmares, G-Ram stacks two completely independent episodes in a two hour block for no apparent reason. All the obnoxiousness you can eat, after the jump. What? You don’t see my strongly linked themes of erm…family togeth…umm…strength in advers…oh, fuck it. Let’s just do this bitch.

This week’s episode of Making the Band is full of gag-inducing lovey dovey Dawn and Que moments. So before you start this recap, this is your warning to go ahead and take some Pepto to protect yourself from all the syrupy saccharine. Also in this episode, the girls straddle horses and another girl straddles Brillo! [...]

Dear Crabby: Ohmygod ohmygod I’ve been waiting all summer for the season premiere of Ugly Betty. Will it be as good as I hoped? -Couch Ass Groove Dear Couch: I’ve been waiting all summer for it too and realized I may have been a little too hyped up for the premiere when I realized I [...]

This week on The Island, KellyAnne shows us she’s stronger than we thought, Robin shows us that she’s very emotional, and Rachel…. Well, Rachel shows us her “Oh-Face”

This week on I Love Money, we find out what happened on that suspenseful cliffhanger! You know, the one that was spoiled instantly if you watched VH1 at all during the week? Yeah! I’m all aflutter!

Hey everyone. It’s time for Survivor again! After an excellent season of Big Brother this summer, I won’t be using this episode to wash the reality taste out of my mouth, as I’ve become so used to doing after these long, dry summers. I’ve also never been happier to have my HD television, although in [...]

Clearly, ‘Gasmii, I couldn’t stay away. I’m back. Sylar’s back, and hopefully you’re back at your work computer, snacking on some Twinkies or Pringles and pretending you care about unlocking more Excel spreadsheet functionality when you’re actually reading this. Because Tim Kring decided to doubleteam me with back-to-back hourlong episodes for his premiere-a-palooza, you’ll have [...]

I just got the WORST manicure in the history of the world and I’m pissed, so I’m more than ready to watch eight back-to-back bitch smacking, low down, hair pulling, face scratching, genital kneeing “fights”. Seriously… Do… Not… Fuck… with my nails, hair, clothes, or accessories. Incompetent manicurists and incompetent “contendahs” should both be locked [...]

Tonight on Dancing With the Stars, we learn that America hates gay blind people and loves eighty two year old sluts! God bless us! This is a pic of me and my friend/DWTS partner KrankMills. Guess which one’s which!

Let’s get right to it, huh? I thought last week was sort of an average episode, the typical “name that disease” formula. This show can certainly do better. Maybe this week? We open on two women playing tennis. The sweat and hair are flying but I don’t hear any squealing or grunting. I thought that [...]