POSTS TAGGED: spoof

OK, so we’re in Las Vegas to whittle the first group of 438 semi-finalists down to a more manageable 10. Five of them will come from tonight’s show, the other four will be chosen next week during another two hour, eighteen Applebee’s commercial episode. Host Bill Bellamy describes tonight’s program as “an international battle like [...]

***Letter from the Editor: You guys have sent us letters asking for Shear Genius recaps, and we have found the perfect writer for you. Please welcome to newest member to the TVgasm family, J-MO!!! HOLLA! Now that Top Chef is finished for another season, and we’re waiting for another season of Project Runway to begin, [...]

Hey Gasmii, I’ve got to start off this week with a question – anyone else out there upset that Brittany got dissed by Tila? I mean, if there was anyone in this house who seemed like a somewhat normal person, it was Brittany. That being said, we all know this show is about Tila’s vanity [...]

This week on Living Lohan, I MISS NANAHAN! I worry for you, Nanahan! Stop slutting around and get your raisin to Vegas!

Dear Crabby, It’s summertime. Where can I find my fix of obnoxious teens, fretful parents, and teething babies (followed by toddlers, pre-teens, teens, and finally the bain of every driver’s existence, the elderly)? -Couch Ass Groove Dear Couch, Check out Baby Borrowers on Wednesday nights, where all of that is rolled into one delicious hour!

It’s elimination time once again on America’s “number once dance show” (according to Nigel – “suck it ABDC!”)… it’s So You Think You Can Dance! The opening number is to “The Dance” by Charlotte Martin. It definitely looks a little freaky… like I wouldn’t want to meet these people on the street – it looks [...]

Welcome back to the Real World Hollywood! This week, what goes around comes back around to our resident Goody Two Shoes, and I have to say, it’s probably the most enjoyable moment of Real World Hollywood yet. Well, with the exception of Meathead Joey’s soliloquies. Yeah, still missing the big lug. But let’s catch up [...]

We are finally down to only two episodes left in season four of Hell’s Kitchen. But doesn’t it feel like this has lasted a lifetime longer than that? Remember ol’ Fatso? It feels like he left a decade ago, doesn’t it? Sometimes I really miss that fat crapper. (Not really.) Now we are down to [...]

Hey Gasmii, We’re back for the fourth episode of SGTL with only two more to go. That means that the judges, editors and producers have just three hours left to whittle seven model wannabes down to one all-encompassing, beautiful, poised, and above all relatable Wilhelmina Model. But, this is the ninja production team from hell. [...]

Antonio Sabato Junior wants you to STOP watching this show. Celebrity Circus, you’re like the ultimate cockroach. You resist radiation, survive FOX’s attempts to kill you by way of lukewarm ratings, and thrive despite Joey Fatone’s penchant for dressing like a total assclown. May you be plagued by a thousand violin-playing midgets on flaming tricycles [...]

Here it is, my friends, the Celebracadraba finale! I’m not sure yet if I’ll miss the show, but you know what I will miss? Celebracapuns.

“Who’s taking me home first?” Welcome to DeAnna’s journey across America, also known as the Hometown Dates! Tonight The Bachelorette crisscrosses the fruited plain to meet the families of her potential one and only. And what grand insights will the families provide? Join me as we get down to it!

Prepare to Die! Hollah dance fans – it’s elimination night and time to crush some dreams and make some memories! It’s… So You Think You Can Dance! I know this is late – but didn’t want you to miss out on it – you’ll have this Wednesday’s soon! The night starts off with a KICK [...]

Welcome to week two of the competition! Many of you felt no remorse for the axing of Jaime and Rayven last time – this show is cut-throat – it’s wicked…it’s passionate…it’s… So You Think You Can Dance! Our lovely Cat comes out and runs the onstage gauntlet that is our top 18. She then introduces [...]

This week on Living Lohan, Mike kills the dogs, Nina becomes a Stepford Wife with no opinions of her own, and Nanahan tells Dina to kiss her grits. Don’t bite the Nanahan that feeds you, biatch!

This week on Hell’s Kitchen, not only did someone start the weekly kitchen fire, but this time Chef Yumsay was burned by it. Time for yet another week of watching donkeys try to cook… “If by ‘Don’t burn me,’ you really mean ‘Burn me more.’ Then I’ve got this thing in the bag!”

Neurotic crazies come and go, but Bravo sanctioned neurotic crazies are worth keeping around: Obsessive compulsive real estate extraordinare Jeff Lewis is back for another round of slamming bricks, tearing walls, and breaking hearts in season 2 of Flipping Out. How the ante will be raised is all a mystery as of now, but at [...]

Well gasmii, we’ve gotten down to our last three contestants on A SHOT AT LOVE II WITH TILA TEQUILA – Bo, Kristy, and Brittany. Now that it’s so close to the end, Tila’s really going to need to do some deep thinking. After all, she’s had her heart broken once and if she chooses the [...]

Occasionally, in the world of Reality TV, something happens that is soooo real there is no way for the producers to spin it or change it. I’m talking about things like the Joey’s recent, drunken, bi-polar, homicidal meltdown on the Real World Hollywood or Pumpkin’s famous spitwad. While these events make great Reality TV, they [...]

Gasmii, I’m going to be completely honest here. This round of Celebracadabra is like a clip show but less good. They’re torturing us by stretching out the final two’s big ten-minute performance, but I’m hoping it’ll work to our advantage. Maybe their plane will crash on the way to Las Vegas! Don’t ever lose hope.

Last week, we learned there just isn’t enough room for two Cassies on Legally Blonde The Musical: The Search for Elle Woods. And so Cassie O. was sent packing. Henceforth Cassie S. will be known simply as Cassie. But can she also be known as Elle Woods? She certainly thinks so, but none of the [...]

This week on the Real World Hollywood, we get two new roommates, and we find out how important and famous the current roommates really are. We have many cameos from Real Worlders past, but you’ll have to keep reading to see who. I don’t want to ruin it for you. It’s that huge. It’s not [...]

DeAnna begins to feel trapped… Well beloved readers, it’s getting down to the wire. This season of The Bachelorette seems to have flown by because after tonight we are down to the final four! But first we have to make a visit to Palm Springs because DeAnna needs a little desert air to figure out [...]

I know you have been waiting with bated breath for this recap, so without further adieu… If only I could.

This week on Living Lohan, cute dog tricks and sage advice from Nanahan: Your daughter just raped you.

Hi Gasmii! I assume you are all educated, current events focused readers, correct? You’ve heard then that on Monday, California became the second state to allow gay marriage which must mean that either the rapture is coming or we’re going to end up a better, more tolerant society. Either way, we have one person to [...]

This week’s Hell’s Kitchen was a total shocker for me. Not only did full grown women not know how to cook pasta, but then the wrong person was prematurely sent home. Gordon Ramsay is obviously toying with my emotions! Even this poor MILF is shocked!

“No one warned me about the cameltoe.” Jesus tapdancing Christ. How is Ryan Seacrest suddenly plump, brunette, and bearded? Oh hai, Joey Fatone. I briefly thought this was an episode of N’SYNC’s greatest hits revisited (I’d call it “Behind the Bye Bye Bye”), but it’s all coming back to me. American Idol is over, but [...]

Hey Gasmii, Here we are in the second week of She’s Got the Look and we’re down to our ten gorgeous, yet mature, finalists. Of course, this show is all about respecting these women’s age and dignity, so what are they going to do with them this week? Oh, yeah, they’re gonna get naked. Nothing [...]

Welcome to another drama filled episode of the Real World Hollywood. Will Joey self-destruct? Can Sarah save him? Will Brianna get her ass off the sofa and sing? Will Blondie learn that black people are people too? Will Dolt figure out with as many nappy weave hos as he’s been banging, he’s surely got an [...]

“I’m on the verge of a nervous breakdown…” Here we are, beloved readers, down to nine eligible bachelors on this, the fourth incarnation of The Bachelorette. It’s more and more interesting to me each week to note the differences between how guys act when competing for a girl versus how girls act when competing for [...]

This week on The Mole, we learned that the ability to squeeze as many idioms pertaining to the word “pig” into a one hour show is really an acquired talent. Those producers must have been up all night with their phrase dictionaries. “Guys!” one would yell, giddy with Red Bull at three in the morning, [...]

We began last week’s show with a stage full of pink-clad, smiling young hopefuls ready to dance and sing their way into our hearts and prove that they could be the next Elle Woods on Broadway. Oh how they danced! And sang! For hours on end. Until, mercifully, the judges sent a whole mess of [...]

Ladies and Gentlemen – auditions are over and it’s time for So You Think You Can Dance – THE VEGAS CHRONICLES!!! It’s going to be blood, sweat, tears and treachery! FAAAAANTASTIC! At the end of it all – many will fall and only 20 will rise! By the look of the amount of dancers there [...]

One of the many odd things about Celebracadabra is its airing schedule. Technically the finale was supposed to be about a week ago, then this week, then next, and now VH1 is really just jerking us around. I don’t think it realizes it’s going to make all of us Celebracakillourselves, but luckily the celebs try [...]

It’s Thursday, there’s a giant illustrated microphone, and we know that means JOKES. This episode features auditions in San Francisco and Toronto, as well as the promise (or is it a threat?) to show the most explosive audition in the history of Last Comic Standing. From the ominous sound of the heart beating in the [...]

And then we came to the end. And I’ll be honest with you. I’ve been recapping this show all along and watch the show at least twice each week in doing so, and found this finale to be a big ball of What The Fuck? Really, what happened? We had a pointless tribute to Sex [...]

I was going to write you all a long letter thanking you for your reads and apologizing for not being able to stomach Living Lohan any longer. Then I saw that I made the opening clip!!! There I am chasing Slohan down the street spraying shaving cream in her hair and screaming “STOP TRYING TO [...]

Hi Gasmii! Hope you guys are all doing well because I’m shvitzing like a woman in a burka out here in NYC. Seriously, I need to go to costco and get some gold bond for this case of swamp crotch. Speaking of swamp crotches, this week on A SHOT AT LOVE II: WITH TILA TEQUILA, [...]

Hello gorgeous dolls, and you were right. Don’t you love conversations that start out that way? Actually, let me amend – some of you were right, I have had no love for the Real World Hollywood lately. It’s the petty fights that get me. They’re stupid, pointless and insulting to the viewer. Unlike drunken hookups, [...]