POSTS TAGGED: spoof

This week’s Hell’s Kitchen was a total shocker for me. Not only did full grown women not know how to cook pasta, but then the wrong person was prematurely sent home. Gordon Ramsay is obviously toying with my emotions! Even this poor MILF is shocked!

“No one warned me about the cameltoe.” Jesus tapdancing Christ. How is Ryan Seacrest suddenly plump, brunette, and bearded? Oh hai, Joey Fatone. I briefly thought this was an episode of N’SYNC’s greatest hits revisited (I’d call it “Behind the Bye Bye Bye”), but it’s all coming back to me. American Idol is over, but [...]

Hey Gasmii, Here we are in the second week of She’s Got the Look and we’re down to our ten gorgeous, yet mature, finalists. Of course, this show is all about respecting these women’s age and dignity, so what are they going to do with them this week? Oh, yeah, they’re gonna get naked. Nothing [...]

Welcome to another drama filled episode of the Real World Hollywood. Will Joey self-destruct? Can Sarah save him? Will Brianna get her ass off the sofa and sing? Will Blondie learn that black people are people too? Will Dolt figure out with as many nappy weave hos as he’s been banging, he’s surely got an [...]

“I’m on the verge of a nervous breakdown…” Here we are, beloved readers, down to nine eligible bachelors on this, the fourth incarnation of The Bachelorette. It’s more and more interesting to me each week to note the differences between how guys act when competing for a girl versus how girls act when competing for [...]

This week on The Mole, we learned that the ability to squeeze as many idioms pertaining to the word “pig” into a one hour show is really an acquired talent. Those producers must have been up all night with their phrase dictionaries. “Guys!” one would yell, giddy with Red Bull at three in the morning, [...]

We began last week’s show with a stage full of pink-clad, smiling young hopefuls ready to dance and sing their way into our hearts and prove that they could be the next Elle Woods on Broadway. Oh how they danced! And sang! For hours on end. Until, mercifully, the judges sent a whole mess of [...]

Ladies and Gentlemen – auditions are over and it’s time for So You Think You Can Dance – THE VEGAS CHRONICLES!!! It’s going to be blood, sweat, tears and treachery! FAAAAANTASTIC! At the end of it all – many will fall and only 20 will rise! By the look of the amount of dancers there [...]

One of the many odd things about Celebracadabra is its airing schedule. Technically the finale was supposed to be about a week ago, then this week, then next, and now VH1 is really just jerking us around. I don’t think it realizes it’s going to make all of us Celebracakillourselves, but luckily the celebs try [...]

It’s Thursday, there’s a giant illustrated microphone, and we know that means JOKES. This episode features auditions in San Francisco and Toronto, as well as the promise (or is it a threat?) to show the most explosive audition in the history of Last Comic Standing. From the ominous sound of the heart beating in the [...]

And then we came to the end. And I’ll be honest with you. I’ve been recapping this show all along and watch the show at least twice each week in doing so, and found this finale to be a big ball of What The Fuck? Really, what happened? We had a pointless tribute to Sex [...]

I was going to write you all a long letter thanking you for your reads and apologizing for not being able to stomach Living Lohan any longer. Then I saw that I made the opening clip!!! There I am chasing Slohan down the street spraying shaving cream in her hair and screaming “STOP TRYING TO [...]

Hi Gasmii! Hope you guys are all doing well because I’m shvitzing like a woman in a burka out here in NYC. Seriously, I need to go to costco and get some gold bond for this case of swamp crotch. Speaking of swamp crotches, this week on A SHOT AT LOVE II: WITH TILA TEQUILA, [...]

Hello gorgeous dolls, and you were right. Don’t you love conversations that start out that way? Actually, let me amend – some of you were right, I have had no love for the Real World Hollywood lately. It’s the petty fights that get me. They’re stupid, pointless and insulting to the viewer. Unlike drunken hookups, [...]

Hey Gasmii; We’ve got a new show to play with and I’m so excited I don’t whether to cry, dance, or run around in circles with my pants on fire. Anyway, I think it’s safe to say that for the next few weeks, we’re going to party with ten middle-aged who are competing for the [...]

That’s right folks. Now that the finale has percolated in my little brain for a few days, I’ve picked out what I think is the most important element. Desmond and Penny doing everything but breaking into Peaches and Herb’s “Reunited”? Sweet, but no. The Frozen Donkey Wheel? Please. Nope. It was that almost throwaway scene [...]

This is one of the funniest episodes I have ever watched of Hell’s Kitchen as Cringing Matt’s very last marble finally plunked on the floor. And I realized that I would be TERRIFIED to be stuck in the dorms with him. Why? Because he dramatically sharpens knives while staring people down, that’s why! In other [...]

It’s raining men. Welcome to another super-sized episode of The Bachelorette! Tonight the guys dress up like cowboys, go on the Ellen DeGeneres show, and continue to hen peck one another in a grand romantic attempt to win DeAnna’s affection. I’ve got two hours to wade through so without further adieu, let’s get started!

Welcome back to week two! It’s Denise Richards versus the world this week. Or at least tabloid journalism. She also attempts to stop using the C-word, which I sure can’t figure out why she would want to. But our Itchy is complicated. And I don’t pretend to understand her mysterious ways. Read on as I [...]

With The Hills off the air until August, MTV was left to find something to fill this temporary void. They needed something girly. Something superficial. Something that could only last one season. Enter Legally Blonde The Musical: The Search For Elle Woods. Contestants show off their singing, dancing and acting skills to win the grand [...]

This week on Living Lohan, Slohan dies, goes to Heaven, and is sent back until she can start being, as God put it “less of a fucking hack.” Darn. Looks like you might make it to Heaven first after all, Nanahan.

Hello and welcome back to more Real World Hollywood. I didn’t know if I could take any more, after last week, but I suffered through. Actually, this week wasn’t as bad. And there was almost an orgy. Bet that got your attention! Just in case you wanted to lose your appetite. It’s the ChickBomb diet. [...]

Hi Gasmii! I wanted to start this week’s A SHOT AT LOVE II recap with some musings on our favorite bobbleheaded bisexual. Recently, Tila’s been getting some seirous exposure. Entertainment Weekly did a spread on her a couple of weeks ago and in the newest issue, they make mention of her once again in a [...]

Cat intro’s and tells us there’s a BIG dance scene at this new city they’re auditioning at! WOW! Is it Miami?! Chicago?! Nope. It’s Salt Lake City. Oy. Get ready for a lot of caffeine-free polygamist dancers… ladies and gentlemen – it’s So You Think You Can Dance! Of course being at the foot of [...]

Hey Gasmii: Like a hungry family in the middle of the night, the Bravo staff went back to the Hausenfrau of NYC carcass and picked over its remains, pulling out a few overlooked pieces to serve up for a midnight snack. There’s not much here, but it in a time of Hausenfrau famine, I’m grateful [...]

The belle of the ball APOLOGIES, beloved readers, on the arrival of this recap. The job that actually pays my bills took up an inordinate amount of my precious time this last week, but it shan’t happen again! And before we start, I have to vent to you a tiny frustration about this season of [...]

This week on Hell’s Kitchen, the culinary warriors are challenged to create their own menus. Surely they can’t fail when they are making their own creations, right? WRONG! SHUT IT DOWN!!! The customer’s always right.

Kids, the Crab apologizes for the lateness of the recap, but like Mode employees, her work keeps her busy, just without all the drama. Most of the drama. Okay, we have drama, but our department prefers to gossip about it as opposed to being involved with it. Most of the time. Anyhoo, let’s get ready [...]

Hola Chicos, Here it is, the episode we’ve all been waiting for and, after what we’ve been forced to sit through for the last seven weeks, it better be f**king fabtaculous. I’m not kidding. VH1, I’ve got some pretty high expectations and I’m expecting you to deliver, or at least reimburse me for all the [...]

Guys, I’m almost embarrassed to admit that I really enjoyed this episode of Celebracadabra. I’m not sure what it is, maybe that they’re getting better at magic? Maybe I’m developing more of a tolerance for annoying things? Maybe I just really like saying and typing Celebracadabra? Whatever it is, I approve! God knows that’s what [...]

Hollah party people! It’s time for So You Think You Can Dance!!!! It’s bBitz here and I couldn’t be more excited! I LOVE THIS SHOW. I’ve watched every season, attempted every dance move I’ve ever seen on it (most resulting in broken furniture and hospital stays) and fallen in love with every SYTYCD dancer – [...]

It IS complicated. IT IS! Hello, lovers. It’s Miss Internet Sensation here to delve into the latest addition into the reality canon, Denise Richards: It’s Complicated. Now, I’ll be honest, I didn’t come into this as a big Denise Richards hater. I would say she’s mostly been irrelevant in my world, but at the very [...]

Just when you thought TV went to sleep until Fall, a smart, sassy tough talking role model for the common woman everywhere comes along to save the day. Yes, I’m talking about Kyra Sedgewick in The Closer. But Living Lohan is on too. Welcome! Dang, Ali. You’re aging really quickly.

Hola Chicos; This week it’s all about scandal, those bitchy revelations that spice up our lives and provide the lifeblood of the Internet. We’re down to four contestants and we’ve got the Queen Bitch of them all, Perez Hilton, to help cut them down to three. Bitches, you are going to love me!!

Last week on A SHOT AT LOVE II WITH TILA TEQUILA, we saw some serious stuff go down. After seeing everyone’s favorite dying-for-acceptance case/George leave, Jay’s love for his master, the almighty floor installer from Detroit, Chad, was proven mutual as Chad fought to defend his lap dog. It all began with Jay interrupting a [...]

For all the huge Celebracadabra fans out there (all three of us), I have to specify that this recap isn’t of the most recent episode. VH1 decided to change their lineup and move our favorite show to a new night, giving us two episodes this week! You may not have known this since A) it [...]

Did anyone else see the story this week about how Gordon Ramsay was diagnosed with an ulcer for having eaten so much bad food in Hell’s Kitchen? I guess he’s pretty upset with Fox for choosing such idiotic and incompetent contestants. And if you didn’t think they were bad before, then I’m sure you do [...]

Welcome back to the Real World Hollywood. This is a hard recap to write. First of all, cause this was far and away, the dumbest episode of the Real World ever. And I mean ever. Also, I’m still getting over American Idol. I have three problems. One, sweet, angelic Archuletta lost. Two, that smug, poser [...]

Well it’s time for the season finale of Keeping Up With the Kardashians. At least I think it is. I mean, the show never explicitly said it wasn’t, so I’m taking that as a positive sign. Read on to discover just how everyone learns their lesson and comes to appreciate life (which is what happens [...]

Hey! T.Vo and Flipit here with a live blog of the finale! HOLLAAAAA!!! And now! For the last time this season! THIS! Is American Idol! Spoiler alert! Donna Summer wins!