POSTS TAGGED: spoof

Ciao a tutti, e benvenuti a Roma!!! Have you kids been noticing that the episodes seem to be alternating between a fairly lame week and then an explosively awesome one? I love love LOVED this episode and I don’t think it’s just because I’m typing this to you live from bella Roma. I can’t wait [...]

Howza Gasmii, I’m sorry it took an extra day to post this recap. I’ve had a heck of time writing it and I’ve fumbled around starting and stopping it several times. I’m not sure why it’s so hard to write, except that once I write it I know this recapping assignment is over and I’m [...]

There are times on American Idol where you’re left saying “Well, that was quite a shocker”, and there are times that you’re throwing Little Caesars at the TV and screaming “ROOBBBBBBBBBEEED!” Guess what kinda night this was for me?

“I’m so near to fame I can smell it!” Tonight on The Bachelor Matt goes on his hometown dates! For the first time in Bachelor history, we meet a celebrity father. Okay, maybe not really a celebrity, but at least someone who was on the show “Are You Hot?” No, come to think of it, [...]

None of these individuals took Vegas for millions counting cards in Blackjack or anything else. Hey-o! Can you believe it? A Paradise Hotel recap done this early in the week? Only the promise of long overdue drinks tomorrow with the ‘Gasm writers would get me on top of my game, so I could get out [...]

Don’t forget the Jabbawockeez are America’s Best Dance Crew, dawg! Dear Judges, Andrew Lloyd Webber wants his masks back. This is American Idol goes to Musical Theater Camp, where anything goes!

Hola Chicos, It’s time again to join our favorite telenovela starlets and party down. Break out the tequila and feel free to get naked alongside our contestants as they shake their privates in hopes of winning this train wreck. What exactly does “free Wille” mean?

Hey everyone! I can’t tell you how glad I am that Gossip Girl is finally back! When we last left our favorite spoiled, slutty teens, Blair had just been dethroned thanks to Chuck blabbing to Gossip Girl herself that Blair traded in her v-card in a wild backseat limo ride – and not with Nate. [...]

Somewhere, Lorenzo Lamas is turning in his fashion grave. Tonight’s episode of “The Hills” taught us that everything happens for a reason, and when one door closes, another one opens. Or, wait, no… actually, everything happens because your life is controlled by a television team and when one door closes, all other doors will surely [...]

Ciao, Gasmii. I’m sure my two loyal readers (hi Mom and Dad!) were concerned that I had dropped off the face of the earth after no recaps from me for the past two weeks. But fear not! I’m still alive and kicking. I thought about recapping the recap episode but once Dominique started professing her [...]

Last week’s Jenny Jones-esque makeover episode made for some great TV, but the CW brought us back to boring ol’ competition grounds near the end, leaving us at a cliffhanger where the 4 remaining Dorks and Bitches had to choose who to send to the ominously named “ELIMINATION ROOM.” Sending Cowboy Joe and his ho [...]

This week’s Desperate Housewives brings more intrigue, action, drama, sex, and the kind of bawdy antics we’ve come to expect. But most importantly we get to see some really deep cleaning.

Previously on Big Brother, Sheila was forced into actually playing the game. Go, Cougar!

Hey, a good episode! Imagine that. Not sunk yet.

This episode of Hell’s Kitchen marked one of the happiest moments of my recapping career and perhaps even life. Because this week, Fatso falls on his ass — both literally and figuratively. Yay! Christmas is saved! Now let’s get on to this fabulous episode, shall we? Cock-a-doodle-EAT ME!!!

The judges react to Mariah Carey’s lesser known hit “Ken Lee” Now that’s it’s down to 7 mostly blah contestants, we’re losing some steam here on American Idol. Seabreath walks past a somber lineup of the leftover contestants like they’re labor camp prisoners waiting for their daily ration of bread and lashings. It’s better than [...]

Tonight, on Big Brother… Is Chelsia pregnant with a giant moley mohawked baby, or is champagne a bloater?

“Lovely weather we’re having!” This week is a big one on The Bachelor. Matt has to decide which girls he will be joining in their own hometowns to meet their families! There’s really no way of knowing who his favorites are because he’s played tonsil hockey with everyone and thinks they’re all “brilliant.” Maybe a [...]

“Riveting story, Stephanie. Do tell it again.” First of all, I’d like to say thank GOD this week we returned to the normally (blessedly) short half-hour episode. Much as I adore this show and all its brainless melodrama, a whole hour of it was starting to make my head feel all smushy. As of press [...]

This week on Keeping Up With the Kardashians, the girls learn how to grill, they actually follow through with something that came up earlier in the season, and Rob makes an appearance. Unfortunately I watched the show so I know that two of those things didn’t happen, but it really doesn’t matter which. If this [...]

This week on Top Chef, all hell breaks loose. With Special Guest Stars Ming Tsai and Dale’s Crotch

We’ve had a whole week to recover from the non-stop excitement of last week’s premiere episode, and now Rock The Cradle is back. And this week, one of these young lovelies will get a serious dose of rejection from someone other than their famous ‘rents. Who will it be? You don’t find out until the [...]

This week rocked! For real! My girl Bethenny is back with Jason, semi-sober and thoroughly awesome. Ramona goes craazaayzy. And we finally get to see why Alex and Simon live in their bedroom… There’s Not Enough Electricity In All Of Manhattan To Fix This

Like, what? In honor of this week’s fallen culinary warrior on Hell’s Kitchen, I took it upon myself to do a little research about that loveable American doll that we call the Barbie. Fun Fact #1: Her full name is Barbara Millicent Roberts. Do they actually make people named “Millicent” anymore? Sounds like a fat [...]

It’s elimination time on Dancing with the Stars! Also known as the beginning of someone’s journey to “Celebrity Rehab”! We jump right into the night’s special guest – Sheryl Crow! And THANK YOU Sheryl for being the first guest on this show NOT to have butchered your face! She looks beautiful and she actually has [...]

What are you bitching about? THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT, NIGEL!

**Note from the Editor: Alright, Gasmii. You’ve sent letters requesting this one, so please welcome InternetSensation with Step it Up and Dance! And you thought we never listened…xo It’s Nomi, bitch. Welcome to Step It Up and Dance! More than a decade later we find out what happens to Nomi Malone when she hitches her [...]

It’s the “naughty stool” for these two gigglers. Tonight The Bachelor takes a turn for the serious. But before that happens we have a jolly good English group date and a really dreamy 50′s date at a swell diner. Matt continues doling out the kisses, Pouting Robin continues doling out the frowns and Leelee continues [...]

“Sigh, I wish they would cast me some REAL friends.” Do you remember in seventh grade, when all the girls and all the boys started noticing each other, and people would kiss (or… you know… whatever) while playing “Seven Minutes In Heaven” at a party and by Monday morning everybody knew everything? Like one giant [...]

Previously on Big Brother, I laughed my ass off. He’s crying like a priest with a boner.

Ok, Gasmii, given that there isn’t a ton of new footage in the reunion and I figured the finale would be all glitter confetti and models rubbing Corey’s big bald head for luck, I decided to do an UBER-RECAP of them both together – enjoy! So, what have you been up to, Beautiful Frankie? “Make [...]

If you’ve ever wondered what it would be like to grow up as the child of a legendary musician who everyone cares about, you’re in the same boat as most of the contestants on MTV’s new show Rock The Cradle. For your viewing pleasure, MTV has lumped together 9 offspring of rock and pop stars [...]

Oh my goodness, I have so many opinions this week and am so thankful that I have a forum like TVgasm to express them. I tried to get this up yesterday but I just had too damn much to say. This week’s ep was fairly eventful and I’m sure most of you have strong feelings [...]

Ow! My back!

Any of you out there ever been to Italy? Because I haven’t, and it makes me wonder, are there rednecks in Italy? I mean let’s be honest, there ARE rednecks globally. I know this because my family is not from the continental United States and yet, there are some members that love Wal-Mart, wear shirts [...]

It’s elimination time on Dancing with the Stars!!! Which celebrity will be sent back to their life in B-films and Geico commercials?!? And most importantly, will Kylie do the locomotion?!? Let’s get started! Tom begins by recapping what a nasty night the show before was. Insults galore! We start with the clip of Bruno asking [...]

“Note to self: destroy guidance counselor.” Tonight brought us a special bonus dose of our bevy of beauties. We open at FIDM, where – wait, what? LC’s still in school?! She hasn’t been there in at least two seasons! I call bullshit. Sure enough, the teacher reads the roster in a heavy Bahstin accent and [...]

“Whoop-de-fucking do!” Here’s what makes The Hills fantastic: other shows typically edit out the blank stares and silences between takes and during other characters’ endless babbling. The Hills has managed to make an entire series out of these moments, cutting up and rearranging reactions (or non-reactions) into whatever space they please. This week we join [...]

Well, gasmii, this week of Big Brother was an emotional roller coaster. I gained and lost seven pounds, scared the employees of Little Caesar’s, and left voicemails for my mom at four am just because. To properly express how I felt, I put together a clip for ya. Enjoy. Or not. I just had to [...]

Hey dolls, welcome back to Rock of Love! Flasher’s back, so you know it’s a good week. Make your hair big and suck it in for some spandex, it’s time to rock and roll! Somewhere, a child’s birthday party is missing clowns.