POSTS TAGGED: television

Oh no!  The CW just can’t get it right!  They sent me a clip of their new reality makeover show, Plain Jane. I swear, it looks like they spoofed a bad makeover show.  I get what they’re trying to do here–but the music score, the story telling–why can’t they get reality right?  It visually looks [...]

Finale Time!

Making magic here at Celeb Apprentice! This week, someone leaves for “personal reasons” and the groups make commercials for rite guard. Still, the ladies and men are even because Sharon is dying and Cyndi- for most of the episode- is in Washington with president Obama. Yeah, poor Obama! Anyhoo, the dudes and ladies feel the [...]

Everything is hard. This week, our C list crew of misfits have to design an ad for Norton Antivirus theft identity protection. The girls really go for emotion, and the guys…really like words. Also, Blog is fucking incompetent, and we can’t WAIT to hear more verbal diherrhea from Cyndi Lauper. Am I right? Wohooo!

Hey Gasmi, is everybody ready to spend a lot of time examining the most sublime human emotion? What? No, it’s not rage against Al Roker. That’s the most justifiable emotion. No, I’m talking about love, the one four letter word standards and practices doesn’t have a problem with. Oh and Alpha is back and has [...]

Welcome back Gasmii! This episode (and in effect, its recap) take place after our actual Thanksgiving, so the references are a few days old, but still pretty great (just like the leftovers I’m sure you gnawed on all week long). Our theme this week is “secrets” and how they can destroy relationships, and make you [...]

This is what a no-carb diet and PMS looks like This Hills episode, an extra dose of FUCKING APESHIT. Broahday, Kristin and Jayde all schedule lunchley meet and greets and get all up in each others’ businesses. And, HBUD STILL wants a baby, and will stop at NOTHING to get what her hormonal, surgery-laden 23 [...]

This week on Desperate Housewives: Cherry and Co. continue to want everyone to hate Katherine, and if this episode is any evidence, mission accomplished. Because she tries AGAIN to seduce Mike pretty much in front of Susan, then acts like a crazy cake-making ho toward Angie. But MIKE TAKES HIS SHIRT OFF! I know! Also, [...]

Gasmii! Alright, I’m going to be honest here and tell you straight up that what we have this week is what I like to call a “Busy Work” episode of Gossip Girl; it serves no real purpose, they’re just giving it to you to tide you over until next week. There’s probably a fancy name [...]

This week on Dancing With The Stars: The Flu Attacks. Mark Balls and Ken Doll are infected, Ken Doll overwhelmed to the point of temporary decommission. Will we ever be able to Paso Doble or Argentine Tango without our favorite Dancing Doll Action Figure? Replace the “F” with a “G” and the “LU” with an [...]

Previously we learned that if you make it through rounds and rounds of interviews and casting sessions and the first 3 legs of the race – you should probably know enough to HOLD ON TO YOUR @%&*$@! PASSPORT! WHY?!?! Because this is “AMAZING RACE“. Not “Amazing Race Around the Continental US”. Dan and Sam, the [...]

This week on Dancing With The Stars: Our couples will be assigned one of four never before seen dance styles! Lambada! Cheesier than porn! Bolero! What the eff is that? Country 2-Step! Get the soon to be released instructional video at Walmart! Charleston! Just for Donny Osmond! This is my excited face. You just can’t [...]

Love can be both fat and crazy. This week on more to love, Luke takes Christian and Mandy out dancing, because he is racist. Then he takes Malissa on a tandem bike, because he is prejudiced against bikes. Then, he takes the rest of the girls to the beach because he hates the moon. Yes, [...]

I will eat you. This week on more to love, the “good wife” “bad wife” exercise basically fucks with the fragile minds of all the plus-size ladies in the house. Well, that’s all the ladies. The person who wins and loses the exercise cry a lot, go on a one-on-one date, and the rest of [...]

A necessary production cost This week on More to Love, fat-ass talons fly as the girls show their true colors on two group dates and one very bitchy solo date to vegas! Yes, there are pools involved, and also involuntary vomiting. Are you excited? I am. There’s always a second helping at the proverbial buffet [...]

This week, A Tarp guest judges. Not surprisingly, said tarp has more personality than Tyson and all the models combined. Also, when the tarp goes through the film, he finds some excess nails and a sock. Also, this tarp wants to see more variety from Jonathan. Last but not least, the tarp hooks up with [...]

Hotness McHotterstein. This week, it’s all about sports, but not looking retarded while doing them. Yep, it’s gonna be a hard challenge for these models. The shoot consists of the models flying around in the air like rag dolls, and then the catwalk is them in sexy little underwear cages. Mmmm…and, of course, a little [...]

Happy Undergarments Hey YO! Welcome to the world renowned, celebrity-studded recap of Bravo Tv’s MAKE ME A SUPERMODEL! WOHOOO! By world-renowned, I guess I mean in my bedroom and surrounding living spaces. By Celebrity-studded, I mean my cats are chillin with me whilst I write this. So join me, friends lovers and brethren, as I [...]

More old people? AHHHHH! This magnificent week on True Beauty, the Beauties learn what it’s like to undergo relatively low-pressure exercise that doesn’t involve a gym. Then, they have to shoot a video, ironically, about what “Natural Beauty” means to them. Yeah, I know, somebody hide their boobies (I’m looking at you, LLL). The Judges [...]

***Screampillar is taking the season off to GET MARRIED! Congrats lady! In the meantime, we’ve got a fantastic new recapper to fill your terrorist fighting needs. Please welcome Dogsnaxx! Greetings from the Island Manhattan, Gasmii! I’ve been given strict orders by my supervising Officer Flipit to guide you through all the twists and turns of [...]

The Class keeps getting Klassier here at Rock of Love: Charm School! This week, the ladies learn all about the fine art of lovin’ men…while lookin’ hideous. The girls get uglied up, go on speed dates with C list celebrities and shoot the shit in their ugly suits….and, of course, controversy reigns when the ladies [...]

It’s finale time, folks! So we left Ronen at the Parke & Ronen shoot yelling at our heroine…I mean heroin Janice Dickinson of the Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency. Janice hangs up on pedophile Ronen, saying “The Israeli Army is strong but they don’t know Janice Dickinson.” Right. I love people who want to take on [...]

This week on Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency: Merlin Castell comes in with whip in hand, picking models for his couture show. Crystal is called “too commercial” and Gremlin has difficulty with the models’ walks and looks. Chandler calls Traci a slut and Janice has a little chit-chat with him, an the next day Crystal is [...]

Another week of Janis Dickinson, another mystery as to how Kehoe exists…. This shoot features Timberlands and old Newspapers.

Straight Men give better musical theatre action than the gay boys and Mean Gay isn’t even the most annoying one in the house.

Keep looking. Have you ever wanted to watch a show where nothing actually happened? I know, I know. You’re saying that you already watch The Hills. But those people are on quaaludes compared to our Paradise Hotel guests. It’s so much more fun to watch nothing happen with aggressive, drunk people! At this stage of [...]