POSTS TAGGED: tvgasm

This week on Flipping Out, Rachel SUCKS. So much. And I hate her. I hate her because she has no sense of humor and no sense of how to play Jeff’s games. It’s so easy, no? All week Bravo has been teasing me with clips of someone quitting and I pray to all reality television [...]

And he acts like he likes it! Also, where was the mother of all beat downs on Sullen? They lied! Eh, maybe it’s next week, I don’t know. What I do know is that they barely showed Conch Guy so I went back and trolled for some screen grabs from the first episode. Here he [...]

This week’s Toddlers & Tiaras is the “Beautiful Dolls” pageant in Lafayette, North Carolina and Gasmii, the crazy is BACK! We open this episode with Pageant Director Britney Barlow, a dead-ringer for brunette and bobbed Jodie Foster, telling us she started the pageant so that every child could leave the pageant “feeling like a winner.” [...]

“People just have no idea what this takes.” Moments before… Malvin’s black onesie covered with a white sling for an already-born-baby is OUT. Turns out pregnant women, or at least pregnant Rebecca Romijn, aren’t interested in wearing around a baby sling before they actually have a baby. Nor, apparently, are they interested in dressing their [...]

Hello peeplets! Last week on Hell’s Kitchen McByPass went to the hospital, Gordon and WhoopiG had foreplay, both teams sucked ass and Jim was sent packing. Lets see what the chefabes are up to this week! Let’s just say Ima call him Mr. Ram from now on.

Dearest Gasmii– It’s too damn hot out to waste time with an opening monologue from your recap artist. Besides, let’s face it, there’s very little going on this season. I would prefer they’d have made the entire thing about Sheree terrorizing everyone en route to her long-unawaited fashion show. Although I do love Kim slowly [...]

Tonight on Project Runway, Yoko makes eggs and Nina smiles too much. Bring back Nina!

What a bunch of whack jobs. We lose two girls this week but I want to start out on a high note- here’s that picture of the conch blowing hunk that I was promising you: It’s probably no accident that they hardly ever show the guy, he is waaay hotter than Antonio. I wonder if [...]

Love can be both fat and crazy. This week on more to love, Luke takes Christian and Mandy out dancing, because he is racist. Then he takes Malissa on a tandem bike, because he is prejudiced against bikes. Then, he takes the rest of the girls to the beach because he hates the moon. Yes, [...]

Here it is, kids. The last episode of this season (by which I mean, series). Are you sad? I know I am. Sad that this travesty has made it thus far AND that it’s done so well in the ratings. “Ass . . . so far . . . away . . . from hand [...]

So tonight the quarterfinals officially come to again. We get to sit through all these acts AGAIN in the semifinals, and then once more in the finals. Let’s just give Kevin Skinner a million dollars and go home.

Welcome back Gasmii! It turns out that Jeff’s newest clients like to work the same way I do — in PJs. With a stripper. Eating tacos. So grab your puppy pajamas and check out this week’s flip. I just don’t understand why Jenni can’t get a date.

They say you can never go home again. We’ll if there is a restraining order in place or your sense of direction sucks monkey balls this might be true, but it’s not on True Blood so Sookie, Bill, and Jason are coming home, Yay! Look I could tell you about the poopeyes running wild, the [...]

We return to Casa De Tramps to see the girls following their morning routines. There are 16 women, some are exercising, some brushing their teeth with disinfectant and some are gathered around the bar drinking OJ or maybe screwdrivers. Just another average day with 16 women all vying for the attention of 2 men. Breakfast [...]

Tonight on Big Brother, white people and black people alike bow their heads in shame. I’ll give you a hint.

Poor Mr. Miyagi would be very disappointed in this week’s America’s Best Dance Crew. There is no painting of the fence. Nor is there any waxing on or waxing off (although Afroborike is certainly trying to get Shane to whack off). Girl who undo fly with chopstick accomplish anything. 

This week on Toddlers & Tiaras we shift gears (and coasts) to the California Gold Coast Pageant. Pageant Director Kim Colby is a director who FINALLY looks glam like a pageant director should. The pageant was started 35 years ago and just included babies and children, and as we’ll find out this year includes fetuses [...]

****This show wasn’t assigned, but then we watched it and had to have our say. Please welcome back Twunty McSlore with My Antonio!! Since Megan got canceled I am moving on to bigger and better things- a whole lot of chicks with a whole lot of issues, and all of them are dying to get [...]

Tonight on Project Runway All Stars, Jeffrey is forced to design for Drop Dead Diva!! KIDDING! But if LIfetime wanted to use its power for good, that’s what would have happened. She wouldn’t cry like Angela’s mom. She would snap your bony cracky ass in two.

Welcome to Season 3 of Flipping Out, Gasmii! For those of you who managed to avoid seasons one and two, join the club! Let’s learn about these madcap characters and laugh as they try to make a living in real estate in the worst economy we’ve seen in decades! By the way, I’m just coming [...]

Keine so schön als Heidi, natürlich! (None as beautiful as Heidi, of course!) Welcome, beloved readers, to the latest installment of my life as a recapper. It is my extreme pleasure to be bringing you my thoughts and impressions on the spanking new companion piece to Project Runway, Models of the Runway! I am extremely [...]

Wow, what a week on True Blood. The episode starts with a bomb going off. Jess thinks about eating Hoyt’s mom. Eric cries like a little girl, Godric bursts into CGI flames, and Lafayette opens up the whoop ass can. So make the jump and let’s get to the good stuff. The new face of [...]

Tonight on Hell’s Kitchen Gordon makes the contestants do something awful, low cal cooking. WHAT? There’s a fight or two and looks like McByPass’ might just need a bypass. Let’s check in shall we? Prolly shouldn’t have had that last lard sammich.

Howdy Gasmii!! Welcome to the second season of Real Chance of Love. The brothers Real (Ahmad Givens) and Chance (Kamal Givens) do everything together and that includes finding the right person to love. So naturally they want to do it on TV. Meet the Stallionaires. On the left is Real (Ahmad) on the right is [...]

This week, on the season premier of Project Runway, Lifetime culls personalities from seasons past and does their best not to f up the best show on TV while Tim shows off his bottom teeth.

Here’s a quick lesson on cliffhangers: They’re used at the end of a show to keep you interested until the show returns whether that be next week or next season. If the show does not return, then you have what we call “loose ends” and one really pissed off recapper. Unless I see Andy Cohen [...]

Previously on America’s Got Talent, Eleisha went home. So aren’t we done?

This week on DITD: 6 more singles try to answer the age-old question: How much more of this crap can a recapper take? It’s the same old same-old, but this week the contestants look through each others’ cars to get a glimpse of his/her personality. Also, no one brings fruit to the DR! I know! [...]

Or, was taken, to be completely accurate, until his wife turned up dead. R.I.P. Mrs. Bacon. I am sooo sorry that you had to spend your last precious days with such a colossal pudwanker.

This week’s Toddlers & Tiaras is being hosted at the Bradley International Airport Sheridan hotel in Hartford, Connecticut, so you know it’s a quality event because they are offering fast getaway options. Cheryl Powers, this week’s pageant director and wallflower du episode, says that the “America’s Regal Gems” pageant is “my glitz pageant.” Stingy much? [...]

Welcome back to the Real World Cancun! Ding, dong the herpes is dead! Tonight, the star of the show is Jasmine!, her four feet of drama, …and a bottle of Two Buck Chuck.

Tonight on Big Brother, Natalie tells America to suck it, Grodner shoves filler down our throats, and Kevin makes some of the most vile faces ever seen on a human being.

Damn y’all seems like just yesterday I was writing a Hell’s Kitchen Recap……anyhoo, this one involves our chefwannabes cooking for the Marine’s y’all! Semper Fi! Damn. That’s about a week too late.

This week, we get some stellar half naked Punisher moments. It almost makes having to look at Pervy’s questionable clothing choices bearable. That Dirty Sanchez birthmark isn’t looking so bad anymore, now is it?

Welcome to season four of America’s Best Dance Crew! For those of you new to the dance crew experience, it’s sort of like So You Think You Can Dance, but instead of dancing in random pairs, people dance in groups. Not “randomly” assigned groups, they were in these groups before they came on the show. [...]

Or the Golden Cooter. Or whatever Lina is stashing between her legs. I hate to be the bearer of bad news but we’re down to the last episode before the finale of this lovable little trainwreck. After enduring four weeks of little more than nothing, I’m excited to report that this week . . . [...]

Previously on The Great American Road Trip, the Cooties’ reign of terror continued as they nuclear bombed the competition. Winning the Great American Road trip is only the first stage of their diabolical plan. Soon, they will take over the world. One is a genius, the other’s insane! Speaking of a diabolical plan, God got [...]

This week on DITD: Same old stuff. Although the contestants get to see each other’s houses on video, leading one girl to reveal her deepest, darkest, stupidest secret. Other than that, nothing’s changed. Well, maybe my tolerance level for this show, which is on a downward spiral. Before we get underway, I just want to [...]

Hi Gasmi, well another week, another great episode of True Blood, but I can’t help noticing something has been missing from this show, the very special episodes. Sure we get to see people get cable neeked and vampires chomping on people, but where is the very special episode where the kids learn a valuable lesson [...]

Tonight on Big Brother: What came first, the chicken or the really lame egg competition?