POSTS TAGGED: tvgasm

Last time on Hell’s Kitchen, no one was sent home due to Jarhead’s psycho meltdown. This logic escapes Lovely however since she thinks it’s just because Chef has a thang for her. Man I love delusional people. He also loves Mr. Bean, don’t mean he wants him to run his restaurant.

In the words of my hero Stewie Griffith, dammit to the bowels of bottomless hell! I don’t like recapping pageants that happen in West Virginia. Those people are usually really nice and not crazy at all, which makes it harder to make fun of them. Not impossible, just harder. Seriously, YOU’RE in charge of a [...]

****Please welcome Cherie to Big Brother!! Before we get started I know you guys want to know. How the hell did I get to recap an episode of Big Brother? Well now that’s just between, me, Flipit and the pictures I have of him with Richard Simmons. On to the show!

Contrary to what Cat said last week, THIS is the most important performance show of the competition. The dancers will show us why they are the top four, and their performances will help us decide who our favorites are. The judges will remain impartial, praising and critiquing everyone as fairly as possible. After all, they [...]

When people cry it means they care, or they are chopping onions, or got kicked in the nuts, but usually it means they care. It works the same way for vampires only they cry blood and this week on True Blood there was so much vampire caring going on that it was like being around [...]

This week our spoiled brats reveal their true colors. Sebastian throws a party, PC throws a party, Camille tours Harvard with Kelli, Jessie attends a meeting about her upcoming charity event and Taylor goes to a candy store. Aww youth!!! Remember your first jaeger bomb? No? that’s ok, most of these kids don’t remember much [...]

Tonight on Big Brother, for the first time ever, a fart had a say in the final vote and a spatula gave someone some very bad advice. Yay! You hate me! You really hate me! I win!

So, Megan got her own show proving that VH1 hates us. They hate you, they hate me, they hate our sanity. Case in point:     Life sucks. This chick with a face only a frying pan could love gets to receive gifts galore, take exotic vacations on someone else’s dime and pour Chardonnay down her throat [...]

Like the geeky freshman that just wants to fit in, America’s Got Talent has offically added a result show so that it can hang out and smoke with American Idol and Dancing with the Stars. Samantha Harris is the only reason to watch those result shows, and because Nick even fails at faily comically, I [...]

Not that it demonstrates any sort of psychic ability on my part since it was kind of obvious but I’m pleased to report that I was right. Lina’s pregnancy is no more. Or never was. Or might have been but isn’t now. I’m still in the ‘never was’ camp but we’ll have to wait until [...]

The judges, once drunk on power with the ability to accept or reject anyone in the nation, now awake with the hangover of responsibility as they survey the acts that they selected and desperately hope that they start displaying some talent. That’s all metaphorical, but I bet they got shitfaced last night, too.

Tonight on DIDT: There’s drama in the house as all three girls fall for the same guy! And yet, with all that drama, ABC still can’t stop this suck-train from sucking along on the suckiest tracks in Sucktown. “I’m sorry. You’re a little shorter and thicker than the girls I normally go for.”

Gasmii, this show NEVER gets old. After last week’s complete and total smackdown of a mom, this week we’re back to an A-1 Steak Sauce brat and a set of prizes I can assure you the ASCPA would not approve of. We open this week’s episode in Lafayette, Louisiana at the Queen and Kings of [...]

Yo yo yo! So check it out, dawg. This here’s a little preview special for season four of America’s Best Dance Crew. Randy Jackson has put together clips from the first three seasons and made a list of his top ten performances of all time. But don’t let that fool you. The real purpose of [...]

Welcome back to the Real World Cancun! I don’t mind telling you, I’ve spent the week hating Mexico. I’ve had a horrible sore throat / achy / coughing / fever / vomiting thing that a quick check on the internet had me convinced was Swine Flu. I’m all about the self diagnosis, by the way. [...]

Hola queridos Gasmii!!! Me llamo Leia LaBiblia. I joined TVGasm in April to recap the so-not-terrifying CBS mystery/slasher maxi miniseries Harper’s Island and loved it so much (the job, not the show) I begged Flipit to toss me another one. Little did I dream that it would be the delicious Queen Bitch of Reality TV, [...]

When last we left Hell’s Kitchen Jarhead Blow was losing his shit. Much to my delight. Gee I wonder what happens next? Do yoos have a tissue cause my sniveling ass is about to cry.

Whoa Nelly, is there a better show on TV right now then True Blood? Errrr, I mean is there a better show about vampires, crappy mind reading skills, and what to do when a vampire girlfriend you haven’t seen in 70 years sneaks in your hotel room and pins you to the bed and makes [...]

Night 2 of the Montage Mandates, and once again we the viewer can only watch in horror as the judges likely eliminate the good, vote through the bad, and force us to watch montage after ugly montage. Will the remaining Show-Enders (RIP mailmen) be voted through? What’s to become of my EriAm sisters? And will [...]

Tonight on DIDT: It’s the same stuff, with different people, who have different levels of annoying. Will some people learn a lesson about personality vs. looks? Yeah, because ABC told them to. I get a serious gay-boy crush on a girl contestant. Like, seriously. And people act like they’re 13 going on idiot in the [...]

Tonight, on Big Brother, Julie Chen is hilarious and Ronnie finally gets hit upside the head a few times. Unfortunately, it’s not with a baseball bat.

Welcome back to Design Star! I would like to thank everyone for their comments the past two weeks. I’ve learned more about the judges and the host from the TVgasm comment boards than their Wikipedia pages. I appreciate all the feedback! Bring it!

Close your mouth, princess. Okay so here we go on the agonizing home stretch of this season’s The Bachelorette. Last week we had the very uninspiring Men Tell Nothing special, where the rejects sat around on stage fighting with each other over who best represents Man Code. Uh, losers, you’re all on this show trying [...]

Tonight on America’s Got Talent, we find out just how disgustingly attached I’ve grown to these acts over the last five weeks. This week they’re ripped from me one by one as I can do nothing but sit and watch helplessly. It’s a lot like my senior prom, only there’s more David Hasselhoff. OK, fine, [...]

So, Gasmii . . . it’s getting a bit better, no? Nothing like fellatio and a little fake pregnancy to get me interested. Right now, my hopes are pinned on Lina and Ari to keep us going. Without them, it’s just Hardy not marrying, MC not dating, Kat not not-working and Maria not parenting, and [...]

Lesbian Tarzan Tonight on Big Brother, this is only the second most embarassing outfit the houseguests are being forced to wear.

Gasmii! Toddlers & Tiaras is back with a vengeance as is Crabby’s irritation with the world at large, mostly the drivers in front of her on the way home. It’s called the passing lane, not pissing time away lane. I do apologize for the pictures – that damn show still isn’t on iTunes or Amazon [...]

And who really cares what love’s got to do with it as long as we keep having glorious Daisy moments like these:

Welcome back for episode 2 of Hell’s Kitchen ! I’m whatcha call the bottom of the bottom of the barrel.

Tonight on Fashion Show, the moment we’ve all been waiting for. THE END. I wish my brain had this option.

Tonight on America’s Got Talent: Susan Boyle is a bigger star than the President of the United States, And now you’re caught up.

Holla Gasmi! You gotta love Fox. Other networks are showing Obama discussing his plans for the healthcare system. Fox is all, “Fuck that, dude! Serious shit is supposed to air AFTER 10 pm on our network. But to make up for not airing your press conference, how about we throw in an emotional medical piece? [...]

Previously on the Great American Road Trip, we realized that our friends in the country are only amused by banjos, corn, route 66 and the “Concrete”. Since the families humiliated themselves last week at the King of the Road Challenge/Talent Show, no family was sent home. The top three families of the King of the [...]

Welcome to the Design Star recaps. Time starts… now

Hey Gasmi, well Sunday has come and gone, so it’s time to talk about the bestest show about vampires, mind reading in the hospitality industry, climbing chain link fences for God, and at work romances for shapeshifters in the 9:00 Sunday time slot . Oh and not only that, but this week’s episode shattered the [...]

Please bear with me Gasmii. Apparently, no one on the interwebs likes this show enough to post full episodes so my pics are limited by what Bravo decides to put on their website. Of course, this is nothing compared to the afterbirth that Bravo broadcasts every Tuesday night at 10 PM but I will continue [...]

Tonight, on the series premiere of Dating In the Dark: Six people date each other. In the dark. Does attractiveness matter in a relationship? Probably. Does it matter in casting a reality show? Apparently not. So, it seems we won’t be able to move on with this recap until we discuss something: How freaking high [...]

Tonight on Big Brother, Ronnie almost convinces us that he’s not a total moron and Katherine Heigl tries to convince us that she’s the next Sandra Bullock. The Ugly Truth

America’s Got Talent begins this week with a new rule book. With last week’s acceptance of any entertainer that wins the judges over personally and this week’s announcement about the judges picking their Top 40 acts for Round 2 and uncerimoniously dismissing the others, Piers, Sharon, and David now have a free pass to approve [...]

Welcome back to another tequila dipped episode of the Real World Cancun! When we last saw the roomies, we had gone from zero to lesbian lovers to mortal enemies in two short episodes. Someone’s evil twin will show up any minute now. You hang tight, John. I’m gonna go bang a hostess and dump a [...]