POSTS TAGGED: tvgasm

This week on Grey’s Anatomy, the recapper was SO late with the recap that one might think that the recapper had lost hope in Grey’s Anatomy. But fear not. This week has children trying to shoot parents, and who doesn’t like that? In addition to that, we get to meet the ever colorful mom of [...]

Tonight on American Idol, Church Lady Gokey is so painful to watch dancing that he does this to a woman’s face.

Buenos dìas, ‘Gasminos! I’m back from my vacay with a collection of odd tan lines and a regret that I missed last week’s Crazy Eyes-off between Jayde and Blahdrina. But never fear – this week’s episode is full of exciting drama like… really bad hair accessories and psychotically mean smiles exchanged between idiots. Join me, [...]

We flash back to the 80s in this week’s Gossip Girl in case you cared what Lily was like as a kid AND we get to go to the prom, which is tragically not called the “Enchantment Under The Sea Dance.” Hi, I’m Brittany Snow and I only play characters from other decades.

This week on Desperate Housewives: Tom wants plastic surgery; Bree still wants a divorce, or does she? Yeah. She does; Susan and Jackson are getting married; Mike and Katherine are getting married; and Gabby tries real hard to learn a lesson and retain knowledge. Again. Can we just make the show about Juanita?

Poor Daisy. Won’t someone love her? Why, oh why must they make the poor girl cry? Is there no God? Is he just testing our heroine to see if she is worthy of our adoration? Because adore her we do. Not quite as much as the guy in the opening sequence with the bottle of [...]

How much you wanna bet Stacey’s gonna send David home tonight? I’m putting one real dollar on this one. I just had to get that out. Apparently last week’s talent show just wasn’t enough to convince Stacey of the guys’ value as human beings so this week they have to serenade Stacey. Am I watching [...]

Season Finale! Alpha gets crazy, Echo gets wise, Dr. Saunders gets outted, and everbody gets laid!

We open this episode of Ugly Betty the way I normally start my day: darts into the picture of an evil female boss! Christina is taking out her aggression towards Wilhelmina and says she did consider throwing a dart at the real thing, “but she’s so damn fast in those heels!” So am I, but [...]

REAL life. REAL fashion. REAL people. REAL cheap. Welcome to The Fashion Show! If this picture doesn’t sum up how REAL this all is, I’m at a complete loss.

“Mooom! Oh, God, you will never believe what he’s gone and done now. He’s remarrying his first wife and he’s taking the kids on a one-month honeymoon to – wait for it – Europe.” “Oh, honey, I stopped watching those trashy soap operas in 1982.” “Joe! My trashy soap opera. The one that is MY [...]

This week on I Love Money 2, we have a winner! This is a nice change from the wieners we’ve had all along.

Greetings Gasmii! It’s time for a little ’24′ recap action! This week, everyone has a change of heart and exhibits behavior unusual for them. Olivia changes her mind about being a blood-thirsty bitch, Jack changes his mind about Dirty Muslim Imams, Jonas Hodges changes his mind about witness protection after receiving an awful name, and [...]

This week, they spend the first twelve minutes of the show recapping the entire season of Hell’s Kitchen so far. TWELVE MINUTES!! I never understand this. Does anyone ever just start watching a show the episode before the finale?? Do they really think we can’t remember the season we just watched?!? I’m not this guy [...]

“I want to see Sandra Bullock in a mermaid costume PRONTO!” Welcome back to Celebrity Apprentice! This week begins with our hard-working celebrities hanging out in the VIP lounge wondering whether Joan Rivers will be back tomorrow or if she has quit for good. Jesse thinks she’s had it and won’t be back, but Annie [...]

Dear Gasmi, It’s finally here. We’ve laughed, we’ve cried, and we’ve even gagged a few times. My liquor cabinet is looking a little depleted and I need baby oil to fit into my jeans. It’s been a truly awesome season. May the magic continue…*sniff* But before I get all teary eyed, there’s a finale to [...]

This week on Gossip Girl the kids take on a scandal that’s bigger than their bank accounts, Chuck makes serious faces, and Lily gets weird for no reason.

Tonight on American Idol Results, Daughtry’s still a midge, Gwen takes an aerobics class, and Paula is still too old to be crawling on the floor in a bustier on national television. When in Doubt, multi-task.

Hello! Nope this show hasn’t ended yet. Just a few more eps and maybe then I’ll feel clean again. I doubt it, but who cares anyway because we are all going to die. Sorry, that’s just my cute little way of getting myself amped up to recap Keeping Up With The Kardashians! Why does every [...]

“THIS is for that BIRDHOUSE KIT I got for CHRISTMAS instead of the MILLENIUM FALCON!” I had a great time watching this episode up until the last couple of minutes, at which point I was like “Nooooo, we already did this! Exactly this!” They only have 3 more episodes to write their way out of [...]

Previously on Ugly Betty, which was like decades ago, the Meades lost their money through embezzlement and not through gambling and hookers as expected, Papi almost died but now that storyline is dead, and Betty decided the threat of AIDS, syphilis, gonorrhea, chlamydia, the herp, and hairy genital warts was no match for her horniness [...]

Tonight on Desperate Housewives: Bree goes to Karl for divorce help; Susan gets a surprise when someone who sucks from her past comes back; Dave’s revenge plans keep happening at the pace of a drunk snail; Katherine and Mike talk real love; Tom and Lynette are the exact same people they’ve been for the past [...]

Tonight on American Idol, Church Lady screams like the Wicked Witch in the rain and Paula doesn’t do drugs. Booooo! Have you seen my puppy little girl?

Another episode, another huge bill owed to the liquor store that is supplying the booze for these bozos. How I wish I owned the place that was lucky enough to sponsor the drinking on this show, I’d be on my fifth massage at the Four Seasons by now. Somewhere there’s a PCP dealer planning his [...]

This week on 90210, actors and writers alike quickly spiral into the depths of inadequacy. Hey Shenae, how does it feel to have peaked at 16?

Last week we learned the Chinese need to learn English so that Americans can win a million dollars easier, Cara can beat Michael Phelps any day (provided she doesn’t continue to swim like a sea cow) and the leg of the race is never over until Phil says so! Why? Cause it’s his mo-fo house [...]

Author’s Note: My internet decided to hate me this week, and wouldn’t work long enough for me to get this posted. Sorry for the delay, folks! I just read an interview with Ms. Sarah Jane Morris, where she said that when she saw that the episode was titled “Julia,” she got nervous. I was, too, [...]

Gasmii Gasmii Gasmii– Harper’s Island may have been banished from CBS‘s Thursday schedule for cancellation-adjacent Saturday night, but it’s still #1 in the demo’s of Our Hearts. Yeah, right. I, Leia LaBiblia, your recap artist, am starting to feel like one of the two-dimensional human targets on this show. With ratings like this thing’s been [...]

This week on The Cougar, Stacey says she will be separating the boys from the men. Clearly Stacey has not evaluated the group of guys she’s assembled here. There’s a 9:3 men to boys ratio in this group. The only way she can determine these guys’ manliness is through a talent show. You can so [...]

This week on I Love Money 2, people can’t stop talking about boobs! I don’t know how this is different from any other episode, but it’s still worth mentioning.

This week on Lost, Widmore becomes twice the deadbeat dad he already was, Eloise misplaces her maternal instinct in the jungle, some hippies have a shoot-em-up, and Daniel fulfills his destiny.

Aside from the “3AM” reference and Rob Thomas being a textbook example of “GayFace”, this image is perfect because of the Ginger band member…he’s TOTALLY checking out Rob’s ass! Hey Gasmii! It’s 3AM in 24 World…but nobody’s lonely! They’re all too busy participating in the gayest episode ever! Shirtless men, check! Dudes sharing a bed, [...]

This week on Hell’s Kitchen…… WOO!! She’s gone where the goblins go, below, below, below, yo ho, let’s open up and sing and ring the bells out. Okay, so I’m getting a little ahead of myself here, but you’re all going to have to deal with it. Mmmkay?

Last week we learned that there’s no end to Jaime’s horrific-ness, Lil Guys came up a lil short in the end and oh yeah – all hell broke loose in the biggest fight on the show ever. Ladies and Gents, it’s now time to learn that life can be a bitch – especially if it’s [...]

BSG’s Helo teams up with a pothead and finally finds the Dollhouse, Dominic returns (sorta), a little girl loves knives, and Alpha finally shows up!

So this season of Making the Band is officially over. And like every other season, we end with an unsatisfying reunion episode where very few questions are actually answered, and my iced double mocha runs out far too quickly. Final Chapter…until next season…

Well ladies and gents, this is how it all ends. The cast of For the Love of Ray J, I’m gonna be presumptuous and say “season one”, has gathered to recap the season, update us on all their comings and goings and provide closure to those of us who have nothing better to do. A [...]

Last time on the Duel: Brooke went home in the sissiest Duel ever, Evan pouted and acted like a pussy, Mark was old, TJ was monotonous and boring and the opening still sucked. We start this episode with Evan giving a long monologue…about sheep? Um, ok. He says something about how “chicks dig a winner” [...]

Intensity. Drama. White people doing runs. Judges using the word “brilliant” way too much. Jamie Foxx saying things like “five people who shocked the world” and “throat Olympics “. Choir directors who look like lesbians with glued on chin hair. This. Is the end of the world. And THIS. Is American Idol Results!

What is that stench? Who’s ready for another two hours of Celebrity Apprentice? This week is all about body odor, which naturally these beautiful people know nothing about. What’s a poor celebrity to do?