POSTS TAGGED: tvgasm

Dear Gasmii, This week the producers at Bravo have officially thrown down the gauntlet to snarky recappers everywhere. Not only do Ryan, Tamra, and Gretchen all cry, but their storylines include such light hearted topics as cancer and miscarriages interspersed with skanky music videos and skankier tattoos. So do you think fatal diseases and personal [...]

This week the Girl’s Next Door visit Barbie Benton, Hef’s former gf, at her house in Aspen — and you KNOW the producers must have drugged, gagged, and bound Holly to get her to go there. No one hates the conniving Barbie and her underhanded insults more than Hollz. But whether they like it or [...]

Oh my sweet ‘Gasmini, I apologize for my extreme tardiness in recapping, but Jesus was totally on my ass to go to his birthday party this year and I had to oblige. By the time I write this, two “Hills” alumni have already launched their spinoff careers and Heidi’s probably looking about as fresh as [...]

Happy Holidays, Gasmii! NBC’s present to us all is a two-hour episode of Momma’s Boys. My present to you, darling readers, is a more photo-heavy recap, just like you asked for. So, let’s settle in and get right into it. And remember, no re-gifting!

Dear Gasmii, This week the producers over at Bravo have decided to treat us to a special episode of Girls Gone Wild: Where Are They Now? Sadly, we find out that they’re still in the same place and wearing the same bikinis. God help us all. Like many aspects of our country over the past [...]

Happy Cristmakwanza Gasmii! Hope you all are enjoying a break from school, work, and any other activities that are part of your daily grind. I, for one, am writing this recap from in front of the hearth at my local Starbucks instead of from under the harsh lighting of my less-local office. (Gotta love working [...]

Happy Christmas times, everyone! Here is a little stocking stuffer for you all. A slutty one, but those are the best kind, anyway? And it all comes down to this, but we all know that it’s all about next week’s reunion episode. I mean, right? Let’s get through this so we can get to the [...]

Two weeks ago on Gossip Girl (heh… sorry bout that…), a pivotal event shakes our UESiders, giving us weddings, funerals, illegitimate children and declarations of love. I haven’t cried this much since the last time I stepped on a scale. “I should have told you to eat shit with that licorice ring and married the [...]

Dear Gasmii; As we head into the hardcore festivities that make up this awesome season, it has become abundantly clear to me that God is seriously fucking with my life. I don’t say this lightly. Despite the ice storm, the lack of power, the gas guzzling generator, the Judeo-Christian holy war that opposing family members [...]

This week’s episode of Girls Next Door doesn’t feature the evil twins. Yaaaaay! Better yet, Kendra is organizing an event. And not just any event, a slutty softball game with just a hintof lesbianism. Consider it an early Chrismukkah gift from our fav E! producers. This chick might be a little more realistic for ya, [...]

I know! I was surprised too.

This week on Top Chef, as a special Christmas gift we learn once and for all that Fabio’s hung like a shoe. These two put Team Rainbow to shame.

This week on The Bad Girls Club….. Sarah is having a trauma. Ailea is having a dude trauma. There’s fighting and drinking and stripping and puking. Kayla questions her sexuality and Whitney is NOT GAY! Let me get my rubber gloves and disinfectant and we can get started!

This week on Heroes, a lot of people die, a lot of movie plots are ripped off and Ando is inexplicably given more to do. If you gotta go, go with freshly applied gloss.

Yo dolls, how ya doin’? Consider that my lame attempt at Brooklyn-ese, as we start our journey to the latest season of the Real World, set in Brooklyn. Of course it’s not set in that part of Brooklyn, it’s in the pseudo-downtown hipster area of Red Hook, cause this is MTV of course. Join me [...]

Dear Gasmii, I’m so excited. I totally enjoyed watching the Orange County housewives this week. A little less Lauri, a little more Jeana, and enough Tamra and Simon to offset Vicki and Donn. All in all, a great recipe for an awesome Housewife cake. No, I haven’t forgotten about Gretchen. I just don’t want to [...]

So our episode description promises “Foreman and Thirteen’s relationship progresses”. Who knew? That’s right, I did. For like a month now. Also that “Cuddy receives an unexpected gift”. Hmm, given that the episode title is “Joy to the World”, I’m guessing she gets the baby back for at least one episode. The baby’s name was [...]

This was the third thoroughly awesome episode in a row. Sadly, the awesomer the episode, the harder it is to ridicule. Boring/stupid episode recaps are way funnier, but I do my best. Anyway, awesome: Michael totally gets Scylla from Self! For like an entire minute or so before he steals it back! T-Bag has a [...]

This week on The Bad Girls Club, Kayla is still pissed off. She’s hopping up and down outside of the third place they’ve been kicked out of. The other girls are trying to finish eating but Kayla sees this as disrespect and is screaming so much she’s losing her voice. Damn that’s why she is [...]

This week on Top Chef, Scar smokes a bowl and gets so hungry that she bites off Gail’s cheek right before her wedding.

This week, Heroes doesn’t suck so much! One day I’m gonna be an adult and not screw everything up. NOT!

Dear Crabby: What is the biggest waste of time during a show? Dear Couch: Musical montages, however the writers redeem themselves, so pipe down and pass the lime Tostitos before I open a can of salsa whoop ass on ya! We open this Ugly Betty with Betty living up to her name in that sideshow [...]

This week, Grey’s Anatomy begins with fun peppy music that makes me want to jump on an elliptical, until it is interrupted by Meredith’s whine which makes me want to jump in front of a train. She discusses a moment her mom’s journal describes as the most intense of your life. If she’s is talking [...]

This is it – THE FINALE! We’ve seen many teams – great and awful – fall to the gods of fate and stupidity, now it is time to see which teams takes the prize. Will it be the incompetent Fat Frats, the separated she-devil and castrated hubby, or the Machiavellian siblings? It doesn’t really matter [...]

“OMAHGAH I’m SO in LOVE” Did you ever have a class in college that you knew you didn’t need to go to, and you tried to only show up when there was going to be a review for an upcoming test? But you accidentally went a day early, and the professor gave an hourlong lecture [...]

I know, I know, I know. Every week, I watch Stylista and give Hate some crap about being whiney and immature. But this week, oh how the tides have turned. Our pint-sized boobalicious brunette stuck around just long enough to not only gain my respect but make me her fan. Throwing everyone under the bus [...]

Tonight on the cutest, gayest episode of Desperate Housewives ever: Susan and Mike and Katherine have issues with MJ, Bree totally gays out, the Scavo clan has major issues, thanks to Porter and Dave’s big fat lie;, Carlos gets his sight back, and Dave reveals surprises that aren’t surprising. At all. I don’t really have [...]

This week on Survivor: Kenny does something stupid and Bob makes the most insane fake idol ever.

So after last week’s high-octane action, what’s in store for our dysfunctional doc this week? Are we finally gonna get some Huddy? Will Foreman find a miracle cure for 13? Why do I keep asking all these questions? Let’s just watch and see. A fitness trainer is shooting a commercial on stadium steps while her [...]

Dear Gasmii, Welcome back to the home sweet home of our favorite buxom botoxed ladies. A place where self indulgence is a must, and it’s always okay to ask for more. In Orange County even the bunnies are super happy to see you. And, yes, that is a furry purple penis you’re looking at. My [...]

Hey everyone – in order to play catch up I’m posting last Sunday’s first and then I’ll do a fun photo-essay of the Sunday before that. Thanks for being patient! Just think, now that you’ve had ample time to digest what’s happened, these recaps will be like a blast from the past! Seriously. Riiiiight?! On [...]

All hail the reality show gods, the skanky bitches are back! Yay! I for one am going to reserve judgment of these fine young ladies until I have seen evidence that will allow me to shred them. Welcome to Bad Girls Club!

This week on Top Chef, Rocco DiSpirito shows up. Thankfully, he’s not in sequins. She just had a taste of Rocco’s frozen food.

This week on the 96th episode of Desperate Housewives, Lynette gives Anne the boot, Katherine reveals her secret to Susan, Bree overdoses on the Tylenol PM, Carlos may get his sight back, and Dave does a bad, bad thing. That’s what you get for having that picture in your house in the first place.

This week on Heroes, Claire’s Pirate Mom hijacks a Yemeni cargo ship. ARGH!

Every other television series has a “clips” episode, so why shouldn’t Stylista? Well, for one, it was already so painful the first time that re-living certain scenes actually may cause itching, unexplained swelling of the head or neck (including face, lips, tongue or throat), wheezing, difficulty breathing or swallowing, fainting spells or decreased amount of [...]

Hey guys, is it next week already? I just woke up from a turkey coma, so I apologize for the severe tardiness of this recap. I got gravy all over the first draft, then it got tossed out with the Christmas decoration wrapping paper and I had to start all over. Excuses excuses, I know. [...]

Dear Gasmii, At long last, the one and only, Original Housewife docuwreck is back!!! And, this time the producers are doing it right. No more of these random non-blond, mail order type cougars for the cast. Nope, with the exception of Jeana, we’re going all blond and plastic. You can bet good money that carpets [...]

On this very special finale episode of ANTM, Tyra decides to give McKey a new signature pose. And that pose is called “The Hoolia” and it’s supposed to represent my thoughts, feelings, and emotions about this cycle. Give it your best shot, McKey! Only a 9.5 from the Russian judge? He’s so stingy.

This week’s Girls Next Door is filled with horses and, no, it’s not a Wilkinson family reunion. Hef and the girls head over to Kentucky to trash-out the Derby. How fitting that they go to a state that has the initials KY. Hate to break it to you Kendra, but your mom broke her leg [...]