POSTS TAGGED: tvgasm

What are we, chopped liver? I know, I know. A week without me. And we’re already down to the final six! Are we really picking them off this quickly? I feel like we were just getting started on crazy adventure to find lust (with girls) and love (with men). This week the men attempt to [...]

Welcome back gang, for the not-so anticipated return of 90210! In the interim, I was thrice married (and subsequently divorced, I don’t want to talk about it), had some plastic surgery, cryogenically froze myself for a spell, and ate my weight in Mallomars. Seriously, CW? 3 Weeks mid-season? And yeah, whatever, you may have finally [...]

This week on Gossip Girl, Jenny’s mullet takes center stage as she befriends Mini Coop, shoots daggers of hatred at Eleanor through her raccoon eyes, and trades being molested by one creepily older dude for another. “Welcome to the NYC, bitch!”

Last week Toni Braxton was eliminated. Tom Bergeron claims that it’s a reminder that one bad dance can mean the end, but I think it serves as a reminder that America is stupid and despite what I read on HowIsObamaDoing.com, I will remain anxious until next Wednesday. I mean, I understand Cloris Leachman’s entertainment appeal, [...]

This week on House: an insomniac man, a white-trash pregnant woman, and a sassy teenager. Hey, if you haven’t seen it in the movies already, it’s new to you. So what are we waiting for? A middle-aged guy argues with his teenage daughter while making coffee in 4 different coffeemakers. They stare at each other [...]

Dear Gasmii, It’s always heartbreaking to think what might have been. This week we focus on a young, talented, pretty boy fighter, who so easily might have become that icon that mma fans everywhere either wanted to be, or wanted to bump nasties with, or, for those narcissists out there, wanted some combination thereof. Sadly, [...]

Hello darlings, and welcome back to The Real Housewives of Atlanta! Well, we all know what tonight is – DeShawn’s big diamond gala that’s going to raise a million dollars for DeShawn to go shopping with and raise her self-esteem. I mean, the underprivileged girls’ self-esteem. Nothing says inspiration like a stupid, spoiled, classless ho [...]

This week on Grey’s Anatomy something miraculous happened. The full crew of Seattle Grace teamed up to form a unit of one. No longer, every man for themselves but all hands on deck for a common goal. This unit was formed to, well yes…perform a massive medical procedure, but more importantly the full team joined [...]

It’s the week of Halloween so, naturally, our fav platinum whores on Girls Next Door are decorating the Playmate house. Why didn’t the producers decide to air this tres trivial episode last week and air the actual freakin’ Halloween ep this week? I can’t say for sure, but I think I heard a certain maniacal [...]

This week on Survivor: the reward challenge pretty much dares you to “That’s What She Said” your television.

Did anyone watch The CW’s new little gem, Stylista last week? It’s supposed to be the real-life version of “The Devil Wears Prada” as eleven contestants compete for a junior editor position at Elle Magazine. And it is JUST like that movie! You know, but without the talent, the wit, the smarts or endearing qualities. [...]

Tonight on Desperate Housewives, it’s flashbacks, flashbacks, and more flashbacks as we go back in time to reveal that not much really happened in the past 5 years that we didn’t already know about. Did you know that Gabby had kids? And that Lynette and Tom fought about their future? And that Mike and Susan [...]

Dear Blahdrina, I know that, in today’s world, it’s hard for a woman to have it all – a career, friends, and a boyfriend who showers at least once a month and doesn’t cheat on you. But seriously, can you at least TRY to make it seem like you’re not being such a weak buffoon [...]

Dear Crabby: If you could go back to high school, what would you change? Dear Couch Ass Groove: First of all, I wouldn’t if you paid me. Second, there would be some serious ass-kicking going on and you know who you are, Kelly B! Private Betty, reporting for duty. We open this Ugly Betty with [...]

Previously on Heroes…the episode had a semi-legible title. This week, I give you “Eris Quod Sum,” which is Latin for “Yes, We Have No Bananas. Just Creepy Old Men. And Badass Sylar.” Oh, also “You Will Be What I Am.” What am I? Soon to be unemployed, so I really hope you won’t become that. [...]

On the first episode of Celebrity Rehab’s second season… They let this guy back on TV. Now who’s drunk?

It’s been awhile, Gasmii, but I’m back and ready for action. A ginormous grazie to LoLo for helping me out two weeks ago while I was rearranging my life – how awesome was her recap? Love and kisses, LoLo, I owe ya. Last week’s mid-season recap show was lame as usual, offering no insight into [...]

This week on House: tricks, treats, 13, lots of needles, a spider, a hooker–and oh yeah, B1 H0TT13Z D01N 1T 4U !!! Looks like Halloween and Christmas are both coming to Princeton early this year. Ho ho ho, off we go! 13 is getting some action. I could give you details, but there are plenty [...]

Welcome back to the ATL for another installment of the Real Housewives! I’m not gonna lie, this week was a buzzkill. NeNe’s sad, and when NeNe’s sad, whoooooo Lord, I am too. Luckily, we have Kimmie’s cigarette fueled music ambitions and DeShawn’s gala that’s sure to end up netting her three to five for fraud [...]

Lighing yourself on fire: the new way to game chicks. We’re back! The boys are lookin’ good, feelin’ good, ready to learn some material to take to the field! They are so close a random hook up they can taste it. I know you’ve been waiting for this recap all week and it’s true I’ve [...]

Dear Gasmii, Please, please don’t tell me that the Roli/Marilyn slapfest is representative of great UFC fights, I will be crushed. Seriously, I’ve seen more exciting fights at a Macy’s shoe sale. Cutie Pie Roli might have been pathetic in the octagon, but at least he hasn’t been spewing about his prowess for the last [...]

I love that on this show, the previouslies are made to look like Olde Timey footage. Did you know last week was actually 1932? Anways, last week in 1932, Rocco was eliminated while Cloris somehow managed to hang on for another week. And then Brooke went all Sylar on our asses and exploded like a [...]

Hello dolls, I am loving The Real Housewives of Atlanta more and more with every passing moment. I am both horrified and adoring at the same time, and what better combo could you ask for in a reality show? So let’s see what our gaudy gals are up to this week. I want a weave! [...]

This week on Grey’s Anatomy, they did something that that truly shocked and repulsed me. I have struggled as a faithful viewer through some difficult episodes of Grey’s, but this week they might have gone too far. They did something that has turned me off of many a show in the past, something that has [...]

This week on Gossip Girl, we have to deal with a lot of Vanessa, but the payoff makes it more than worth it. Plus, Dan is surprisingly likable and I get the recap posted at reasonable speed. All together now, Chair ‘shippers: “EEEEK!”

The live season finale of Making the Band opens this week in MTV studios in New York City with our host big-hatted Sway. He is yap, yap, yapping away, but I can’t even hear any of it because all I want to know is whether or not Orangebrey and D.Woods are still in the band. [...]

This week on Desperate Housewives, Juanita walks in on a naked and horizontal Carlos and Gabby; Jackson usurps Mike’s daddy power; Lynette gets funny drunk (yay!); Dave actually becomes a bit creepier (although his motives appear to be stupid); and Orson’s a big-ass baby. And . . . what’s this? Yup – I actually liked [...]

Oh Gasmii, this recap is unfairly late; and I fear it gets worse: it’s going to be a little bit bad. Sadly, in the world of the outer-gasm, I have a very unrewarding job that takes up entirely too much of my time, stresses me out a great deal, and get this: doesn’t even permit [...]

This week in the JDMA, Chandler picks on plussie Alana and Marty has a little chat about acceptance with the plussies. Plus Size Model Magazine comes and casts Alana and Ivory for a shoot and though Janice doesn’t like the idea, she brings FROOT LOOPS TO THE CASTING. FROOT LOOPS. The shoot is sloppy and [...]

Tonight on The Hills, the whole crew (or at least those who matter) go to Cabo-Wabo to live in a state of constant inebriation and to happily witness the tension between Blahdrina and her alley-dwelling Romeo mount even further (and you didn’t think it was possible!). It’s the moment you’ve been waiting for since… well, [...]

Dear Crabby: What could be more trashtastic than having your sister be your son’s real father? -Couch Ass Groove Dear Couch: Nothing except that unfortunate dress Willie was wearing during most of the show. Did Dynasty throw up on her, and spew bile on Marc? Oy. But the telenovelas deliciousness continues, including a guest appearance [...]

This week on Gossip Girl, a trip to Yale gives us catfights, secret societies, and a half-naked Penn Badgley. Not a bad week, friends, not a bad week. “Blake, Leighton, I said cut! CUT! Oh god, here they go again… Hair and makeup, stand by.”

This week on the I Love Money reunion, it’s really obvious that some of these girls need an attitude adjustment! I just wish there was a place for them to go, say a place where they could learn some charm. If there ever is such a place, I sure hope VH1 thinks to promote it.

Dear Gasmii, For those of you that have spent valuable hours, days, and weeks wondering if abusive public urination can now be considered passé, this week’s episode of The Ultimate Fighter has officially confirmed the cliché status of peeing as a form of revenge. Now that a sparkly golden rain has become a mundane pastime [...]

My friends, I’m running way late this week, so let’s just skip the opening banter. It’s not like this is a presidential debate or something. An American woman of Chinese descent is in China, walking through a Buddhist place of worship with her interpreter. She’s looking for her birth parents. When she introduces herself, they [...]

This week’s episode of Heroes, entitled “Angels and Monsters,” calls to mind every single cliché frat/sorority party theme I have ever been subjected to, including “CEO’s and Office Hoes” and “Mermaids and Seamen.” Let’s pop our collars and do this! I said pop your collar.

Does this man: a) Live for Ren Fests? b) Consider Hot Topic’s 1998 winter catalogue to be the last word in fashion? c) Make Liberace look butch? d) Teach thousands of men how to get laid and get more ass than the proverbial toilet seat? After the jump, people:

Tonight on Desperate Housewives, Danielle brings her family for a visit, MJ gets bullied, Lynette makes Tom feel like he’s worthless for the millionth time, and Mike makes Jackson his bitch. …and McCluskey tries to initiate a key party. Dirty ho!

It’s another Thursday night and I sit down fully prepared for more self centered arguments, painful whining, un-mistakable sexual undertones and misleading logic. And that’s just from the Vice-Presidential debates! Thank you Sarah and Joe for interrupting an hour of Meredith whining for an hour and a half of your own. But fear not readers, [...]

This week on Project Runway, a girl wins! YAY! Someone please water Kenley before she dies.