POSTS TAGGED: recaps

Saturday, Jan. 7 My Cat From Hell (Animal Planet, 8 pm) A cat named Kleo keeps Tim from proposing to his girlfriend. Kleo has no opposable thumbs. How much control over Tim can she possibly have? Cops (Fox, 8 pm) A homeless man refuses to leave the handicap stall in a store bathroom. Who can [...]

Friday, Jan. 6 E! News! (E!, 7 pm) A team of reporters cover television, film and music, as well as the celebrity party scene. Is Jessica Biel pregnant? Is Justin Timberlake the father? Aren’t Ryan Seacrest’s teeth shiny tonight? Extreme Makeover: Home Edition (ABC, 8 pm) Ty and the team head to Iowa to help [...]

Thursday, Jan. 5 What’s spellcheck ever done for me? Toddlers & Tiaras (TLC, 6 pm) Large prizes draw contestants to the America’s Trezured Dollz pageant in Nashville, Tenn. Candice? Are you sure you spelled the name of that pageant right? Project Runway All Stars (Lifetime, 9 pm) Guest judges include famed fashionista Miss Piggy and [...]

Wednesday, Jan. 4 Deep well of undirected anger. Hardball with Chris Matthews (MSNBC, 5 pm) Political analyst Chris Matthews talks about a wide range of issues and asks hard questions of politicians, pundits and other guests. Chris, ask Congress the question we all want answered: “WHAT THE @#!%! DO YOU FUCKWAFFLES THINK YOU’RE DOING??” The [...]

Tuesday, Jan. 2 Celebrity Wife Swap (ABC, 9 pm) Gayle Haggard, wife of former TV evangelist Ted Haggard, trades lives with Steffanie Sampson, who is engaged to actor Gary Busey and rejects organized religion. After experiencing Gary Busey lovin’, Gayle refuses to swap back. Rooint! Work It (ABC, 8:30 pm) When unemployed best friends Lee [...]

Monday, Jan. 2nd Hold on. Just let me get rid of this bimbo… The Bachelor (ABC, 8 pm) Ben Flajnik returns to the mansion for the season’s first cocktail party; a septuagenarian confesses her love for Ben; a bachelorette shows up at the mansion on a horse. Ben and Levi the horse have been spotted [...]

Sat., Dec. 31 Strange Sex: The Year’s Best (TLC, 8 pm) The top-10 strangest sex stories impart the strangest, most-unusual instances of relationships and sexual practices. Freak babies, freak families, freak brides, freak sex. Go “impart” your freaks somewhere else, TLC. The Bourne Ultimatum (CBS, 8:30 pm) Jason Bourne continues his international quest to uncover [...]

Friday, Dec. 30th The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe (ABC, 8 pm) Children join forces with the lion mystic Aslan to free the land of Narnia from the White Witch’s wintry spell. Based on the novel by C.S. Lewis. Pevensie has got to be the most unlikely last name ever. Need to Know (PBS, [...]

Thursday, Dec. 29th Happy New Year, Charlie Brown (ABC, 8 pm) While other members of the Peanuts gang plan a holiday celebration, Charlie Brown struggles with “War and Peace”. I think there’s mad sexual tension between Charlie Brown and Lucy. Vampire Diaries (CW, 8 pm) Elena is left feeling conflicted after Rebekah opens up to [...]

Wednesday, Dec. 28th Dr. Phil (Own, 8 pm) A woman leaves her husband for another man and now lives in a tent; a woman learns her husband was living a secret life for almost a year. For the last 12 months, he was known at the TGI Friday’s as “Eduardo.” Modern Family (ABC, 9 pm) [...]

Tuesday, Dec. 27 Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory (ABC Family, 6 pm) A poor boy and his grandfather win a tour through the marvelous factory of a wily confectioner. The good version. Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory (ABC Family, 6 pm) A poor boy and four spoiled children win a tour through the [...]

Monday, Dec. 26 Rudolph’s Shiny New Year (ABC, 8 pm) Rudolph the reindeer comes to the rescue when an evil bird kidnaps the New Year baby. Arthur Rankin and Jules Bass occasionally sought inspiration in drugs. Sometimes you get Heat Miser. Sometimes, you get… this. You Deserve It (CBS, 9 pm) Contestants try to solve [...]

Saturday, Dec. 24 Rocky II (Versus, 5 pm) Underdog Philadelphia fighter Rocky Balboa gets another shot at heavyweight champ Apollo Creed. Sports Reporter: “Hey, Rock! Doya think ya got brain damage?” Rocky: “I don’t see any.” All the Best, All the Worst of 2011 (CNN, 7 pm) 2011 in politics, pop culture, the economy and [...]

Everyone gathers to rehash Zach and Ashley (and Frank) about a trillion times, and my love for Sam grows even stronger.

Friday, Dec 23rd SpongeBob Squarepants (Nik, 7 pm) SpongeBob receives an invitation to take part in a competition on Karate Island. Sweep the leg, Spongebob. Earth 2050: The Future of Energy (Green Planet, 7 pm) In the year 2050, with a booming population in dire need of energy, how will we adapt? We won’t. Fossil [...]

The cast gather with Wendy Williams for a discussion of the season. Zygote maintains his Biggest Ass in Dallas title. Chore is vindicated.

Thursday, Dec. 22 The Situation Room with Wolf Blitzer (CNN, 4 pm) Traditional reporting and online resources update international news. “Online sources” = Wikileaks. Big Shrimpin’ (Discovery 7 pm) Barbara blocks in the Hannah at the dock; Miss Ashleigh gets a head start on fishing; Roundhead runs into trouble when a leaky bag shows negligence [...]

This one’s gonna be a little on the rushed side, because for one, the episode was kind of boring and for two, it’s Tamale Day.  Nothing says ‘Christmas In Tucson’ like a white half-Jewish girl making the tamales!  Happy Hanukkah, from your favorite honorary chola, La Shy Girl (as named by Juana Chingaso) aka Sunni Sideup [...]

We learn exciting and exclusive info about the cast. Or MTV takes an entire hour for meaningless drivel. It’s a tossup.

Wednesday, Dec 21 Erin Burnett Out Front (CNN, 7 pm) The former CNBC anchor heads her own hour-long general news program. I totally watch this for the news. A Home for the Holidays with Martina McBride (CBS 8 pm) Celebrities present inspirational stories of adoption; musical performers include Justin Bieber, Mary J. Blige, Gavin DeGraw [...]

The cast gathers for a warm, heartfelt hug-a-thon. Or not.

The group participate in two charity events, and then everyone leaves.

Tuesday, Dec. 20 Ron White’s Celebrity Salute to the Troops (CMT, 7:45 pm) The comic salutes our servicemen and women. You gotta admire a man who can drink bourbon, take a drag on a Marlboro, and deliver a punchline all at the same time. Rock Stars (National Geographic Channel, 8 pm) “Rock Stars” follows a [...]

Monday, Dec. 19 Who’s Still Standing (NBC, 8 pm) High-stakes game show that gives contestants a chance to win up to $1 million … or they may fall through a trap door. Are there sharks with lasers under the trap doors? Bubbling acid? Poison-smeared iron spikes? C’mon NBC, it’s trivia. You gotta give me something! [...]

Season 2 Episode 2 of Teen Mom 2 is really just four film shorts that should be expanded into Lifetime: Moment of Truth movies. And it’s called ‘Curveball,’ but I maintain that it should be called ‘Moment of Truth.’ Every single one of them cried in this episode, there was maternal disappointment and growth, and [...]

Saturday, Dec. 17th Star Trek Next Generation (BBC America, 6 pm) Before entering Starfleet Academy, Wesley accompanies Picard on a mission that jeopardizes the captain’s life. Shut up, Wesley. CNN Newsroom (CNN, 7 pm) Breaking news. All of it bad. Fox Report (Fox News Channel, 7 pm) Analysis and interpretation of the day’s lead stories. [...]

Friday, Dec. 16th Bama Glama (Food Network 8 pm) A ballerina-themed wedding gets out of control when Scot takes it over the top. She was expecting Swan Lake. He gave her Black Swan. There was just a teensy bit of pre-wedding hysterics. Extreme Makeover: Home Edition (ABC, 8 pm) Ty and the team head to [...]

Hey fans and fanettes, it’s time to go out and get it DONE!!! Amazing Race finale style! The Amazing Race Season 19 is coming to a dramatic stop as this is our final episode! “I’m unemployed!!! Let’s recap this season 19 for one minute: Remember @RyanStorms? He remembers him. After 7 eliminations, there are lots [...]

Charity events, an argument, more endless blathering, and finally people say goodbye.

Thursday, Dec. 15th Seinfeld (TBS, 7 pm) Jerry and Elaine vie for time with ballplayer Keith Hernandez. You bought Seinfeld on DVD? Why? It’s on TBS more often than Miley Cyrus smokes up! Community (NBC 8 pm) Abed decides he and the group must rediscover the meaning of Christmas when he awakes in stop-motion animation; [...]

Wednesday, Dec. 14th Ghost Hunters (SYFY, 7 pm) The crew investigates a town overrun by paranormal events. And yet, they manage to catch exactly nothing on film. The Rosie Show (OWN, 7 pm) Rosie O’Donnell’s big return to television comes in the form of “The Rosie Show” for Oprah Winfrey’s OWN Network. No, I don’t [...]

Tuesday, Dec 13th Glee (Fox, 8 pm) The glee club members face a difficult decision when they are asked to perform in two different places at the same time. I bet they solve the dilemma with a mélange of song, dance, and gay teen sex. Last Man Standing (ABC, 8 pm) Mandy offers to start [...]

Sam and Alexandra both perform, everyone goes “camping”, and more endless discussion of feelings.

Chore begins his acting career; folks volunteer at a horse rescue ranch; Ashley still won’t butt out; as expected, Zyg and Levi hook up again.

We meet the delicate flowers of American womanhood who star in this show.

Levi explores getting back into rodeo; Zygote is a racist idiot; Ashley won’t shut up.

Annoying “new” characters get axed slowly but surely.

A lot of yakking, and Levi’s dream to again compete at rodeos seems crushed.

Everyone gets on Chore’s case, Levi and Zygote have yet another unpleasant encounter, and Ashley gets a fan.

When a murder victim turns up in the trunk of a stolen car, McG and Co have to learn the victim’s true ID