An Excerpt From Snooki’s Book

Watercooler

By Nads | Monday, January 3, 2011 | 3:00 pm | 5 Comments
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Posted in: Watercooler

snooki book

It’s just another Snooki Monday…

Snooki’s book, A Shore Thing comes out this week, and The NY Post posted some lines from her big novel. Here they are:

“He had an okay body. Not fat at all. And naturally toned abs. She could pour a shot of tequila down his belly and slurp it out of his navel without getting splashed in the face.”


“Yum. Johnny Hulk tasted like fresh gorilla.”


“Any juicehead will get some nut shrinkage. And bacne. They fly into a ‘roid rage, it is a ‘road’ ‘roid rage.”


“Gia danced around a little, shaking her peaches for show. She shook it hard. Too hard. In the middle of a shimmy, her stomach cramped. A fart slipped out. A loud one. And stinky.”


“Gia had never before been in jail. It wasn’t nearly as gritty and disgusting as she’d seen on TV prison shows. The Seaside Heights drunk tank — on a weekday afternoon — was as clean and quiet as a church.”


“I love food. I love drinking, boys, dancing until my feet swell. I love my family, my friends, my job, my boss. And I love my body, especially the badonk.”

###

It looks like Snooki is following the Lauren Conrad/MTV model to fame. I love that she’s an author now. She’s like Danielle Steel for Guidettes.

I can’t wait to ready A Shore Thing, sounds like it’s going to be some amazing bathroom reading.

About

Although comedy is her profession, Nadine has accomplished a lot in her young age. She is a national champion black belt, a world-class soccer player, and an avid snowboarder. She started playing soccer at the age of 4, and continued playing through college where she majored in Biology, but quickly realized her destiny was to tell jokes, not to wear a lab coat. So she decided to be funny while finishing her Bachelors Degree in biology and continued on to get her M.B.A. Nadine’s comedy style is much like her athleticism, fearless. She’s made her way up the comedy ladder very quickly, and has become a club favorite at many of the country’s top comedy clubs, including the Improv chain. Performing in the Boston Comedy Festival and being noted as the “one of the youngest and brightest up and comers” and traveling to the Middle East to entertain the troops are just a few of her notable accomplishments. These days Nadine splits time between the stage, a radio studio, her computer blogging, and a television studio. Nadine’s TV, Radio, Writing credits include: national commercials, talking head roles on E! Entertainment, Showtime’s Hot Tamales Live, The Skinny: Fat Free News, The Sunny Side of The Truth: Real World Hollywood, TVgasm, Zazreport, Daddy’s Girls, Jerseylicious, celebrity interviews on Mania TV, a weekly half-hour television show that syndicates to colleges across the country for National Lampoon and a nightly radio show on XM Satellite Radio.

5 Comments

  1. 1
    Angela Parisi LaRoe
    Posted January 3, 2011 at 7:18 pm

    I have heard her say all these lines already in the show. It must be a non-fiction book. The worse part is, I will end up buying it. DARN YOU SNOOKIE FOR BEING ANNOYING AND ENDEARING.

  2. 2
    JasonR
    Posted January 4, 2011 at 2:44 pm

    I’m still amazed this little Oompah Loompah is famous.

  3. 3
    Thatswhatshesaid
    Posted January 4, 2011 at 3:27 pm

    Now, I love me some Snookie. We 4ft+ chicks gotta stick together, but this book sounds like garbage. I follow her on Twitter and some of her fans have bought the book and love it. But after reading this excerpt, I can’t imagine why.

  4. 4
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted January 4, 2011 at 3:59 pm

    Did she write this or did someone string together a bunch of her Jersey Shore confessionals? I’m sure I’ve heard her say these things..or rather, this is exactly the way she speaks. I think someone called her on the phone, had a long interview, and then just published the conversation. That a novel does not make.

  5. 5
    Thatswhatshesaid
    Posted January 5, 2011 at 4:23 am

    I think it’s drivel. I agree it sounds like stuff she says. It’s clear she’s the main character (or it’s based on her) and it’s lame that the lead character’s name is “Gia” after her dog. I wonder which really came first, the book or the dog. Maybe she was working on this book and when she got the dog she named it after the main character. Anyway, who cares? The book is garbage.

    I love me some Lauren Conrad and I’ve read all of her books. The reading level wasn’t great, but at least I was entertained.

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