Bristol’s Abstidance

Watercooler

By Flipit | Wednesday, November 10, 2010 | 10:10 am | 8 Comments
Posted in: Watercooler

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Bristol abstains from dancing well.

I hadn’t even heard this, but according to Page Six, there are rumors that Bristol and Mark Ballas, her partner on Dancing With the Stars, are doing it. WTF? And yes, I know that every one of you probably knows this, but still. I watch every week for three hours of my life, and I didn’t get it? Shocker. Of course I noticed that he is always smushing his face up into her nose and stuff, but I didn’t think of that as romantic. Just gross.

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If you get a bruise on your nose it means I love you real hard.

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I think that is false, because she’s mentioned on the show that she’s heading up some abstinence campaign and she knows she’ll get her mothers stilletto in her cornhole if she welches on that promise. You know what kind of guys like to date girls that won’t put out? Gay guys. I hope that this is just a rumor. I want abstinent girls to have a hero. Cuz they have to have something. Personally, I thought it was far juicier when she was making out with Invisible Levi running around the stage invisibly naked.

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Invisible Levi looks like this. But invisible.

Flipit
About

Currently, Flipit's writing Real Housewives of Beverly Hills recaps, which you can find here. You can also find him doing a gossip segment twice a week called BS of the Day and video recaps of Project Runway All Stars, as well as spoof ReDubs of the coming soon trailers at the end of RHOBH!

Ronnie Karam has been with TVgasm since 2006 , which has given him the opportunity to make fun of hundreds of TV's most loved and hated reality whores. His plan in life was to be Julia Roberts but that plan was stolen by, well, Julia Roberts. He'll get you one day, JULIA ROBERTS!! When not making himself giggle for the gasm, Ronnie performs improv and sketch comedy at IO West in Hollywood a couple of times weekly while using the lovely California days to audition for commercial roles such as "ADORABLE MEXICAN UNCLE". Seriously. He would like to thank Jesus, Buddha and Xenu for the blessings they've bestowed. The writers here are the best around, and he's honored to be associated with them. Find video archives at CankleTV.com, or follow on Twitter @flipit

8 Comments

  1. 1
    giffordsaz
    Posted November 10, 2010 at 11:46 am

    Thanks for ruining my lunch.

  2. 2
    whoochile
    Posted November 10, 2010 at 1:23 pm

    ugh, if invisible levi looks like that, I’d rather see visible levi. nast!

  3. 3
    mulecitybabe
    Posted November 10, 2010 at 4:37 pm

    At least the giant gloves provide a little unintended humor.

  4. 4
    lestermaddox
    Posted November 10, 2010 at 9:34 pm

    Does he need the giant glove to ensure that he doesn’t catch what is on that thing he is covering?

  5. 5
    Mister Dangerous
    Posted November 11, 2010 at 12:03 pm

    He looks GOOD to me.

  6. 6
    sarcasatire sarcasatire
    Posted November 11, 2010 at 3:32 pm

    I think we should be happy that he is using a glove to cover his junk. We all know what happened the last time he failed to use one. He got Tripped up.

  7. 7
    VRoxas
    Posted November 11, 2010 at 4:34 pm

    Oh God…I think Ballas is goofy enough to fall for the single mamma thing…ick. She’s a dumb kid from Alaska…but he’s a tool who’s toured and been around the world etc. Are his best attempts at sexy really those lame eskimo kisses?

  8. 8
    Pixielated
    Posted November 11, 2010 at 8:11 pm

    He is using her for publicity. About a week after the show started, he took a trip to Alaska with her and met the family, but it was all a big photo op for him. He was hogging the camera all the way.

    I think Levi looks good. Let’s hope Mark isn’t hoping to follow in his footsteps. Yechh.

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