Celebrity Big Brother-UK “Speidi-Style”

“Hi, I’m Heidi, nice to meet you. Hi, I’m Heidi, nice to meet you. Hi, I’m Heidi, nice to meet you. Hi, I’m Heidi, nice to meet you. Hi, I’m Heidi, nice to meet you….” – Heidi Montag

Yes, it’s Big Brother season across the pond with 12 ZZZZ-List celebrities, who entered the BB house on Wednesday. They tried their damnedest to trap persuade Lindsey Lohan into joining the Celebrity Big Brother UKparty, but she was wise enough to know it was rehab for TV, without Dr. Drew. So they settled on reality whores Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt. The best part is, no one has a clue who they are, but they ALL agree that Spencer is a douche!

“OMG! We ARE the biggest celebrities here!”

The big news is that Comedian Jim Davidson, (on the left) was set and ready to go into the Big Brother house, but was arrested just hours before and taken to a London police station. He was questioned for hours on suspicion of committing sexual offenses. These charges pertain to the investigation of the sexual abuse scandal of Jimmy Savile, who is the accuser. Davidson “vigorously denies” the allegations, which he says were suppose to have happened 20 years ago. He was released on bail until March.

Big Brother producers called the nearest pub and got this fat bastard Neil “Razor” Ruddock, a former champion soccerfootballer, to take his place. He told the host on arrival that, “I’m an absolute living legend… I’ve had a bit of a controversial past with a reputation to train hard and party hard.” He went on to say, “I am absolutely brilliant in the sack and I’m not bothered about getting naked because I’ve got a massive…” Oh boy, a fat bastard running around naked, sloppy-ass drunk. Why didn’t Lindsey want to join…?

“Sorry Big Brother, Prince Azim gave me more money to lop his lizard in London.”

**UPDATE** Since Davidson’s release, BB producers were trying to put him back in the BB house. Those plans fell flat today. They had been hoping to get him back on the show to help their ratings. They couldn’t get Lindsey Lohan and viewers are pissed!

Here is the list of “Celebrities”:

Claire Richards: Used to be in a popular band called “Steps”. Also used to be skinny and loves cake.

Frankie Dettori: Race horse jockey who got banned from riding this past Dec. for test positive for cocaine. No pony rides for 6 months.

Rylan Clark: 2012 X-Factor loser! He’s a 6 ft. 4in. tall, teen heart-throb, who came in 4th in the solo singer competition. All the sheilas are gonna want to touch him. Spencer hates him, which means he wants to touch him too.