It’s one in the morning and I’m out having a fabulous time with wonderful, thin, rich friends and living the life. Noooooope. I’m searching YouTube for clips of Teresa Giudice Jew Dice Shjoo-de-shay JooDeeChay on The View!!
Any moment of Teresa caught on camera attempting to string full English sentences together is hilarious, but add the pissed off for no reason goody two shoes nosy neighbor bitchy grandmas on The View and the hilarity turns into a nervous sort of sadness. Tre is grilled relentlessly over being a bitch to her family just so she could be on TV and sell cook books ghost written by Grandma Back of a Ragu Jar. Yeah, so? The whole point of being a housewife is to sell shit you have no business selling to people too brain numbed by your manufactured drama and screeching to say no to said shit you have no business selling. It’s a cycle known as…PROFIT.
This is just downright despicable to the ladies of The View. Manufacturing drama for money is tacky, but sitting around all day and complaining about other people just as crappy and uninspiring as you for tens of millions of dollars a year is fucking HEROIC. Slow golf clap.
Will Whoopie ever find the right bug spray/conditioner balance? She scratches more than a puppy in a pound.
Sherie starts off her Tre KaBob by calling our favorite Neanderthal Teresa “JooDeeChay”. Um, listen bitch. She already has like five ways to pronounce that name. Don’t invent one.
So Teresa, you refused to come on The View with your enemies from your reality show? Why would you do that? And does everyone think you’re a bitch cuz they’re all wrong or are you, in fact, a hateful bitch? Aren’t you a bad example by fighting with your family just so you can sell cookbooks? If you’re so worried about your family’s well being, why not just quit the show and not sell cook books and just be poor and hope your lazy man boobed douchebag husband holds a job for more than a week and keeps himself out of jail? Just walk away! So are you saying you won’t quit your cush job that brings you hundreds of thousands of dollars for doing absolutely nothing other than acting like a psycho c word in front of cameras? Why in the world wouldn’t you leave that? Go to college! Maybe join the Peace Corps!
Dear The View, SHUT THE FUCK UP. Teresa is about as intelligible as a spilt bowl of alphabet soup with a forehead the size of an elementary school eraser. What real job is she gonna get? Money is basically falling out of the sky and you think she should just get off your TV because you don’t believe reality TV is a worthy career choice? FUCK YOOOOOOOU!!
Watching Tre stutter and roll her eyes and try to get her point across in grunts and question marks is pretty awkward, but when she finally realizes that Barbara Walters is really suggesting that she quit TV to “save” the family she hates, she does that crazy blink thing she does and gawks in amazement. She’s shocked. LOVE IT. You can love or hate Teresa Giudice, but you have to admit: There’s no one like her.
I searched images for “confused monkey” and this pic came up. How scary is this shit? Nothing like Tre, but I guess that’s the point, right?
Melissa and Kathy are in the next segment. Teresa is hateful for no reeeeason! They don’t understand why Teresa wouldn’t loooove them! They’re asked if Tre is jealous because they jumped in on her gold mine, and Melissa actually says the words “But our brands are so different!” HAHAHAHAH!! STFU to you too, MELISSA. Your brand. LOL! Squeaking off key in plastic stripper cat costumes from kids’ dance catalogues does not a brand make, ho.
The View is a damn mess, and so are the Housewives. I don’t know that I disagree with the clucking hens’ annoyance at the state of our pop culture, but my irritation with their annoyance is oddly entertaining, just like the Housewives’ irritation with each other. What? Are we supposed to sit around and watch fucking flowers bloom all day? Enjoy the vids!
Teresa on The View
Melissa and Kathy on The View
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Ronnie Karam has been with TVgasm since 2006 , which has given him the opportunity to make fun of hundreds of TV's most loved and hated reality whores. His plan in life was to be Julia Roberts but that plan was stolen by, well, Julia Roberts. He'll get you one day, JULIA ROBERTS!! When not making himself giggle for the gasm, Ronnie performs improv and sketch comedy at IO West in Hollywood a couple of times weekly while using the lovely California days to audition for commercial roles such as "ADORABLE MEXICAN UNCLE". Seriously. He would like to thank Jesus, Buddha and Xenu for the blessings they've bestowed. The writers here are the best around, and he's honored to be associated with them. Find video archives at CankleTV.com, or follow on Twitter @flipit