Dear TvGasm: American Idol Judges

( This week on Dear TvGasm we check in with the judges coming and going on American Idol)

Well, whatever happens, we know that you can’t spell American Idol without Tink

 Dear TvGasm, It’s like this zembomb daboody! Love the gig, but I’ve got to go back on the road. The millions of fans might march on the set  if we don’t get out and service the mistress that is rock and rollllllll!!!! Camgurolel! You know what I’m saying?

Signed, Sker Zettle Beck rimbaum wheyyyyy! Rock and Rooooollllllllll!!

Somebody needs to put the goldfish back in the bowl

I stole that joke from Dariah, because when you steal, steal from the best

Dear Steven Tyler, um, no. Are you having a stroke? Do you smell bitter almonds? Anyway, we’ll miss you on American Idol, nothing’s more fun then watching a guy in his 60’s flirt with teenage girls. It’s like sitting next to the table in a Hooters that none of the servers want to get stuck with.

Still, we can understand why you and Aerosmith need to make a new album and get out on the road. I mean without you guys what excuse would there be for grandmas to wear unbuttoned sleeveless vests with nothing underneath them and wander around state fairs?

[Note to the show’s producers, is there no way for you to keep this guy on TV? A butt ton of money? clubbing him over the head? No? Damn. Where am I going to get  freaking corndogs and funnel cakes next summer?]
Anyway Steven Tyler, best of luck with the new album and the tour. Err, Camgurloel!!?

Dear TvGasm, sniffles, it’s been so much fun, and so super rewarding to be exposed to the wonder and magic of our wonderful and magic contestants, sniffles, but it’s time to say good-bye. [honks nose with hanky] This girl from the Bronx has so loved sharing talent with America, and helping people reach for their dreams.  Still, it wouldn’t be fair to the world to deny them my albums and tours, and movies, because I’m an actress and get to go to the Oscars too. Sniffles.
Signed, Did I mention the Bronx?

Wow, someone’s not happy. Did they snap this picture right after somebody told her what Demi Lovato is making?

Dear J-Lo, They wouldn’t give you a raise huh? Err, I mean we’re all going to miss you? I can totally see why you need to go out on tour, because otherwise paying Casper to be your choreographer looks a little, well, seedy. What? Marc Anthony said the word he was looking for was Bullshit! Complete bullshit. Thanks MA, that’s good to know, but way more than one word. See you at the Latin Grammys you loveable broom lookalike you.