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Not that it should have mattered. I mean where would Brad Pitt find somebody hotter then you, Jennifer Aniston?
Enter Angelina Jolie, stage left. Yeah, you sent your baby fever suffering husband off to spend time with somebody who looked like this
Oh, and did I mention, that Angelina was itching to start a family then too? So basically what you did was left your husband who was looking to start a family alone for five months with a woman who not only was also looking to have kids, but who looked like what hot sex looks like when it goes out on a Saturday night.
Look Jennifer Aniston, Dear TvGasm does not endorse cheating, infidelity, wandering penis disease, or anything else you want to call it, but damn girl; if you leave your dog under the porch long enough you can’t be too surprised when he comes out looking to get petted.
Anyway, Brad left you, and you were sad, and that made us so sad we actually bought tickets to He’s Just Not That Into You to try to cheer you up.
It was a long hard time waiting for you to find the right guy. First there was Vince Vaughn. Does he smell like spilled scotch and stale tortilla chips? Sorry, that’s prying, never mind. And then you went out with John Mayer for awhile, because when women celebrities are having a mid-life crisis they can’t date strippers. (That’s sexist, and it’s wrong!) And then it seemed like you were dating just about every guy you were in a movie with, but most of that news came from US Magazine, and I’m not saying that it’s written by chimps, just that it seems like a monkey on Ritalin is the Managing Editor.
The good news is you met somebody, Justin Theroux. Wow, it looks like he’s talented, acts, writes, and directs. He sounds like a keeper. How did you two crazy kids meet? You were working on a movie together? Cool! What? Then he broke up with his girlfriend of 14 years so you two could start your relationship? Hmmm…My….Isn’t that ironic.
Anyway, AAAAAAHHHHHHHH! You’re getting married!!!!!!
Dear TvGasm, Christ, did she finally land a man? What the hell did she use, a dart gun? My God, Brad and I might have to actually get married now. I mean we just told the kids we were getting married to keep them quiet. You know, like telling them about Santa, or that their nanny is actually part of the family. Where the hell am I going to get three ring bearer suits and three flower girl dresses on short notice?
Signed, You Want To Talk About Trading Up? I Was Married To This Joker
Dear Angelina Jolie, AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!! You’re getting married!!!!!!!!!!! Congratulations!!!!!! I’m not going to get you anything because you’re rich enough to buy your own damn gravy boat. But still, AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!