The only way you two could get the partner you really deserve is for both of you to start dating Hitler, and nobody wants to see your Nazi, zombie, Big Love lifestyle, so don’t even think about it.
(Note to the executives at the Starz network, Nazi zombie Big Love lifestyle is my intellectual property so hands off! You burned me on that Spartacus show, it’s not going to happen again. Did I tell you guys I invented a fictional character called Spartacus, only they already had one? Yeah, it’s almost a true story)
Also, don’t talk about your sex life. I don’t want to hear anything about you humping. Don’t tell me the little tricks you use to spice things up in the bedroom. Don’t talk about anything you might buy to improve your sex life, and for God’s sake don’t bring a camera anywhere near where you are thinking of having sex ever again. Thanks to you and the Brown Smurf I’ll never be able to express how I feel about Two Buck Chuck ever again without using anatomically correct dolls.
To get the funniest quotes from TVgasm recaps as they’re posted, follow us on Twitter. You can post your favorite lines right back at us. If you want to play games and socialize, like our Facebook page! We’re also now on Pinterest and Tumblr! Thanks for being a part of the gasm!