Besides, you’re engaged now. This means we’ve got wedding showers and bachelorette party episodes on tap for next season. There is no way Andy Cohen is walking away from box wine and flabby male strippers. You’re safe as kittens girlfriend.
Plus once you and Eddie get married we can look forward to kids. [Long uncomfortable silence] Eh, why the hell not? If LuAnn thinks she can pass a baby through her Death Valley like birth canal, you should be the next Octomom.
Just so you know, I won’t be getting you anything for this wedding, but for that fifth one down the road, to a hologram of Liberace? Girlfriend, I’m going to break the bank for that one.
Dear TvGasm, Well they could never get rid of me. I AM Orange County.
Signed, Love Me, Love My Insurance
Dear Vicki, well on the one hand Andy Cohen loves calling you “The OG from the OC,” and AC strikes me exactly like the kind of entertainment executive who would make personnel decisions based on catchy rhymes. (I believe with all my heart that if you snuck Honey Boo Boo into Andy’s office for the day, nobody would be able to tell the difference just by reading the emails going out.)
And that are all the pluses for you to keep getting a paycheck from Bravo. Now here are the two things that could get you fired.
None of the other women like you. Scratch that. None of the other women will sit in a room with you unless a PA waves a copy of their contract at them off camera.
He killed a five foot polyester for this coat. Tell me it isn’t love.
Okay, you and Alexis seem to be friends, but Alexis has her own job problems. Also, nobody wants to watch two people having a conversation when one person talks about how hard they work selling insurance, and the other person talks about how Jesus helped them pick out their mini-skirt. Well, I’d watch that, but only because I’m mean and they won’t let me go down to the pet store and poke puppies with a stick any more.
Then there’s your other problem, Brooks. Look, you love him, and watching you two is fun in a halfway through a Dateline segment sort of way, but telling everyone else on the show that they have to love Brooks or they are out of your life is, is, it’s not good kitten.
Let me put it to you this way. You’re like Brussels sprouts, and Brooks is like battery acid, and when you put two together, you’re like the world’s worst Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup.
That being said, Andy has a fun rhyme he associates with you. You’re probably in pretty good shape. And if you do get canned Brooks can support you. /Laughs uncontrollably for 22 minutes.
Sorry, that was mean. I mentioned I’m banned at the pet store, right?