David Letterman is going to be a guest on Oprah’s show. For the love of God Letterman!!!! Why don’t you just marry her? Actually, scratch that. You’re not her type, what with your penis and all, but that doesn’t mean you can’t be the guy who’s on her arm at big media parties while her jealous wife watches from home on TV crying and bingeing on Fruit Roll Ups. Steadman could probably use a rest.
I used to love it when Dave would constantly rag on Oprah, but in the past two years they’ve reconciled and the whole thing’s just so…sweet.
Don’t do her show, David! Just don’t do it. If you make her angry, she’ll pull a Pete’s Dragon on you and smoke WILL come our of her nose.
An angry Oprah is worse than Osama Bin Laden, and you’re going to take a risk of going on??? What if you slip up and say something to get her angry??? Or worse, what if she wants to make nice and she surprises you with a new hair piece donated from “The Hair Club”??? And the big surprise at the end of the show will be that everyone in the studio audience will get a hairpiece too!
Or is it one of those things where you’re going to be the Doctor of Laughter? David, will you listen to me? She’s going to make you the next Dr. Phil, or Rachel Ray. Do you realize what will happen to you? She will brainwash you into being a joke telling, head shrinking, cooking, doctor of lol.
You’ll lose your title of King of Late Night and have a daytime show…and to supplement your income you’ll have a four-hour block of time on The Home Shopping Network right after the people that sell the “Garden Weasel” selling “The Guide to Happiness is Laughter and Toupees”
Have I not convinced you yet David? Have her on your show again, its your turf. There will be no brainwashing going on. I rest my case.
If you want to watch David Letterman on Oprah, you can see him on September 10.
And Oprah, if you’re reading this, I’d love to do your show. Before I go on, you should know to notify Citibank and see what kind of donations can be made in my name. I’ll gladly accept, and if it’s easier for you I have a PayPal account.