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Overpaid TV Stars
Watercooler
Monday, July 16, 2012
11:07 am
263 Comments
Tagged: anderson cooper, chelsea handler, keith olbermann, ryan seacrest, salary
Posted in:
Watercooler
The Los Angeles Times did a breakdown per viewer of what TV stars are getting paid…and here’s the breakdown of some of the overpaid TV stars according to the Times:
Keith Olbermann makes $56.00 per viewer for his gig on Current TV (which is in flux, I think?)
Chelsea Handler makes $16.70 per viewer – She gets $12 million and the show draws in 0.7 million viewers
Anderson Cooper makes $13.54 per viewer for Anderson Cooper: 360 – He gets $6 million and draws 0.4 million viewers
Letterman makes $9.69 per viewer. His show draws in 3.2 million viewers.
Ryan Seacrest only makes $0.75 per viewer on Idol. He makes $15 million, and the show draws 20+ million
Ashton Kutcher makes $1.16 per viewer on Two and a Half. The show draws in 14.7 million viewers.
According the breakdown it looks like Keith and Chelsea have the best agents…I’d say they have a pretty good deal. I was shocked to read Anderson’s CNN salary. I thought he made way more than published. I’m sure he has a pretty sweet deal for his talk show, but still shocked about his CNN deal.
TV Social
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263 Comments
I want my Olbermann back and I want him now. Have you ever listened to one of his news reports? Pure poetry. When his father was dying and he was talking about the state of health care in America and how he was lucky enough to be able to afford the finest 2nd opinons or anything else he needed for his father but still felt utterly helpless,and how much he could relate to the common American who wasn’t as lucky as he was,it was a momment worth saving on DVR. Whether you have an aging parent or not,this should resound in your heart. We are all either in that position, will be in that position,or will be the victims ourselves of the dilemna. Olbermann always showed wit and compassion and gentle understanding. He’d the brother or uncle you’d give yourself if you could. We need him back on the air. Now.
@KartofflMuter – Yeah, isn’t it funny how some people can appear to ‘show wit and compassion and gentle understanding’ on the set and be total assholes off the set. . .
I wonder what they’re paying Eliot Spitzer, who took Olbermann’s place on Current TV. It had better be a lot, since he has expensive tastes in hookers.
I can only suggest you pray to Jesus to wash your sins away. It’s either that or move out of Iowa and stop being a self righteous tool.
I’m proud to say that I’m not one of the people helping that ass hat Ashton Kutcher get rich. He’ll always be at least $1.16 short. I’d rather watch my dog poop than look at him.
@KM, when you are issuing one of your many insults, you should indicate in your post to whom it is directed. In this case it is fairly obvious, but other times not so much.
Sweetcheeks,I always press the reply button and make sure it pointing at a name,-honey-dew.
What reply button? Where is that? What browser are you using that shows a reply button? And how does doing that, assuming you are not crazy and just making this up, show up in your posts to let people know who is the object of your reply?
I tried watching that 2 1/2 show once (well-twice-I love Kathy Bates) when it “premiered” with that phony and Demi should be ashamed for running after that soulless,talentless piece of Kardashian wannabee. I always loved Conchata Ferell. Why is she wasting her time on this?
Safari-it will say REALLY CRANKY GUY -Reply and I do- I gave a Mac Book. Doesn’t everybody-what-I’supossed to read directions now?
Safari on an iPad doesn’t show reply buttons, and neither does Chrome on Wintel machines, so I don’t know why it would on a Mac. No matter, you still should reference the name in your posts unless you are just determined to be an asshole.
It’s not an i-pad-yuck. Useless garbage. It’s the Mac Book-Laptop. It says:
Post a Reply to crankyguy Cancel reply
@KM, you must be fucking with crankyguy. I don’t like Macs, but I did go fetch mrs crankyguy’s MacBook and everything looks just the same (why wouldn’t it) as on Chrome and the iPad, i.e., no reply button.
Well see-I have a husband with three Masters degrees in engineering who an’t keep his pawas from updatiting my machine and when he did it the last time,my mail,my,everything,changed,and I’m not really very happy anot it because ot loses mail ans askes me strange questions and turns colors and acts more like the i-pad than it should-like a 2 finger stroke instead of oa one and a side slide and so maybe mrs. Cranky could be a whole lot Crankier if you screwed up her Mac the he did mine and just maybe that’s why I don’t have an i-pad anymore but my stupid husband fooled me and bought me a stupid expensive precision watch that tells the “approximate” time instead ! Damn.
To Cranky
What?! Your posts HAVE to be jokes. They HAVE to be…right?
Just because my life is a joke-doesn’t mean it’s not true.
JW
Olbermann can indeed be an obnoxious jerk. However, I lost my own father last month, and had seen his comment regarding his own father’s illness. I could closely identify with him. My father also had the best of care and we were still so helpless. I am sorry for anyone who goes through that pain.
I was wondering how many posts it would take for KoM to pull out the poor pitiful me routine.
@linda, notice how a ‘woe is me’ post is always preceded by a ‘we have 10 masters degrees and the most updated technological devices.’ It’s like, are you here to be condescending or are you trying to invoke sympathy? It’s hard to do both in a single thread. Stay consistent, my friend. lol
@Fan-Ann, sorry about your dad. {{{Hugs}}}
On topic, Seascrest is the highest paid host on television, isn’t he? I’m guessing that perhaps his deal is iron clad; $15 million, regardless of the viewership. I doubt he would make less in the even of a ratings dive.
Anderson, however? Is this anyway to treat a Vanderbilt?! No, but really, I thought he made more only because he is so popular. Maybe his contract was written years ago, or maybe CNN doesn’t pay for popularity the way, say, FOX or E! does.
Letterman is kicking ass and taking names.
Ashton signed on to an already popular show, so he lucked out. I don’t see it staying on for more than one more season since the ‘no Charlie” novelty has worn off.
I don’t have a genius for husband;, no Mac, no cheese and I don’t like Keith O! Also I’m not contributing for any of those obscene salaries!
I love Anderson Cooper, give that man a raise! I loathe Ryan Seacrest and blame him for that blight on society known as the Kardashians.
@sarcasatire – Totally off topic, I’m currently reading the second Game of Thrones book and am moving on to The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. Have you read any of those books?
Darling-if you must loll you tongue out,please don’t so obvious. I have never said 10. My husband had 3 by the time he was 24 .The number has never varied. As for the latest tech-ha ha ha -he’s been unemployed for three years. Get real. We made our last housepayment on election eve. The mortgage is so upsidedown,it just maybe rightside up again. We turned off the sound on the phones 3 years ago. The heat is turned down to 58 in winter and 88 in summer. So when he got a job-of course I’m mad he bought me an i-pad. I wanted-shoes. And then he turns around and buys me a watch with the money from the i-pad he returned. You know what I got for Christmas 2010? Tooth brush heads. 2009? My favorite purse handle repaired. I drive a 2000 car we bought the day before our son’s graduation. He drives a 2002 I bought on E-bay in 2005. We just saved up after 4 years to finally do the yearly maintainence on mine. Next 2 paychecks,we do his. Yup- the hi-life. Our one treat-we go to Napa for our Anniversary for 4 days and eat out and laugh and kill a few bottles of Riesling. What else do you do when it’s 113 degrees? We’re so complicated,we played one song the entire 4 days. Boring. Not. But it’s a very very very good song. (& I told him I was a cheap date.)
I actually enjoyed my mother’s and my mother-in-law’s death- as much as you can. Both of them were reunions
and parties of a sort. My mother-in-law’s was almost a shopping spree . Too bad I’m out of relatives. I had the best time in years. Oh yes-I’m sure you won’t like that attitude either. I should be all weepy. But I’m not. I had no arrangements to make and that’s what stresses me. The Dr. even called it “a good death.” My brother had event sent her to my house for 3 months to stay with me one last time and feed her her favorite herring and stinky cheese and buttermilk and dark beer and we even found a movie she could concentrate on-Home Alone 3! _I think she liked the stupid Russians. She was 95 and could still do crossword puzzles in German-and complain about them. I swear she could out argue the devil. But that’s why I loved her and why she survived. It was time to rest. And for my M-I-L-we took on the Indian medical system once again,and forced them to give her an IV at home because she didn’t want to die in a hospital-ah,but-”we can’t lend you an IV stand” so we bent a clothes hanger over her bed and attached it to the Moshari. But she was never alone.We slept in her room. We ate with her, read the paper, e-mailed, told jokes, looked at old pictures,entertained visitors, washed her hair,lived our lives,all in that one little room. We got news from the kids and they sent pictures and best wishes and told her to get well soon. And then she quietly died. We didn’t have the best of care. If we had, she wouldn’t have been wasting away. Indian medical care had already killed my Father-in-law. But we couldn’t be on 2 continents. It was frankly,agonizing,when my Father-in-law,a senior officer with the U.N had a simple
pace maker replacement botched and they cut the pocket too big,it slipped out of place, and disaster. He never recovered, suffered from dementia,no longer recognized us,and died. Yes. Painful. And now,thinking of my father and dear father-in-law-I have gained the strength to say to you judgemental twits (Lind Law)-because -I’d hate to be rude-but who the hell ARE you to discuss ME? Another back fence Iowa native.
In German-it can only be translated as-”I do not recall having herded swine together.”
I have lived for 40 years with a conservative Hindu family under constraints (happily) I have been told were absolutely repugnant or unimaginable to my neighbors,including putting up relatives for 9 months at a time, cooking for 50 at least twice a month,and always having yellow fingertips.And if my sister ever had to touch anyone’s feet or iron 6 yards of fabric or try to figure out how to make a vegetarian Thanksgiving,or find a Christmas tree in Kolkata,or what to give the gatekeeper for a present,or when to argue with an armed guard and when to quietly back up and smile at the bear and get back on the bus-ha ha. Except for some of the last few years, I take that back-it’s all been interesting. I’m just getting too old for this much excitement.
My husband and I,because of unemployment,or because he’s working from home,or because I worked for him at the office for 8 years,are always together and never run out of things to say so you can keep your condolences to yourself. Neither of us are splitting up any time soon.And now-so sad-I must leave.Doctor has to check my MRI to see if we can double down on the Butrans.See you never.You’re all SO kind.
And another thread gets torpedoed by Das Kartofl. Degrees, sickness unto death, martyrdom at the hands of Christian hicks, skirmish with one carefully Gasmi, and complete disregard for everyone else.
“Carefully CHOSEN Gasmi” — sorry. And for what it’s worth, I also hate Olbermann and Macs.
I’m sorry. I’m an idiot. Or my sarcasm is too subtle. But once again, KartofMuffler points out her husband’s degrees (3 by the time he was 24) in a fluid air of condescension. Then, she tries to evoke sympathy by telling us about how she can no longer afford her house yet she and husband still hae their own vehicles? Oh, but it’s a 2005! From ebay! I’ve seen people on Judge Judy fight over a busted tail light on a 1992 Camry, so bish please.
Then she complains about her medicine. 45 horse pills daily, 1000 mgs each. Ritalin, Paxil, and Valtrex. Gosh, I can’t keep up! Slide me an Adderall please, I’m too bored to pay attention.
Calling her mother’s funeral a fun family reunion.. uh, what? Maybe in she stopped with the vegetarian Thanksgivings (and the Tofurkey’s) she’d see her family more often. But if her behavior on this site is any indication, I can see why they stayed away.
I get it, hun. You want attention. It’s hard for you to post without trying to get a rise out of someone because then you think their reaction opens the door for you to “woe is me’ all over the damn place. @Lindaw205 called it on this thread, as others have called it elsewhere. The jig is up. The only reason you haven’t been banned is because you are slightly entertaining in your nuttiness. I defended you once, trying to give you the benefit of doubt. Now, no doubt remains. I want to see you on the next Big Brother!
Not getting involved in the drama, but I do miss the old option to reply to a specific comment that we had after getting hacked and before moving to the über-server. Wonder if the TVGasm gods might want to give that back to us…? Pretty sure St. Flipit is the only one who can talk to them, perhaps if we all petition him with great humility he will intercede for us. Unless, of course, I’m the only one who misses being able to do that.
@Linda, someone gave me the first Girl With the Dragon book but I haven’t read it yet. I got swept up into the whole Game of Thrones saga and saw nothing else. Now I am reading the Outlander series. A British nurse from 1945 falls through a stone henge of sorts and lands in the Scottish Highlands, in 1743. Great historical novel, with detail and insight to the scottish clans and culture. Reading it definitely confirmed one suspicion. The ‘Wildings’ are based on the Scots. From up north (considering the main part of Westeros to be England), the Scottish were always considered barbarians in history. Also, there is a Watch that actually existed. And knowing England’s fear of a Scottish invasion from the north, of course George R.R. Martin placed a wall to keep them out. Being a history buff makes these fantasy stories so enjoyable.. the more I read, the more I love Game of Thrones. On to book two!
I did enjoy the visual of crankyguy wresting Mrs. Crankyguy’s Mac away from her: “I just need to check something out…there’s this crazy person on this recap site…it would take too long to explain…”
@SuperB: I’m afraid a few of us complained about that feature. :/ You see, the issue with the reply button is that the comment appeared directly under the comment that one replied to. It also changed the consecutive number value of the comment, based on the reply. One’s initial comment is #7 on a thread, days later it’s #46, because so many replies appeared above it. Therefore, one has to read through every comment, every single time, to see where the new comments appear.
It was a bit confusing..and on a thread with 100+ comments, darn right frustrating. It’s like getting to be the 100th commenter, getting to yell the battle cry(!), and a few minutes later your comment is number 116th because so many posts appeared in replies above yours! The worse part is finding those new replies to plague both their houses! Time consuming, to say the least, lol.
lol @maryedith.
What I miss is clicking on one of the “latest comments” and going straight to it. I know a lot of you have ways to avoid scrolling down the comment thread every time you post, but I don’t know what these ways are and it’s a bitch keeping up with conversations when you’re having to scroll through 100 comments.
This pretty much describes my feelings about this thread:
http://mbestebr.files.wordpress.com/2010/09/blog-post-1-whats-happening.png
@ sarcasatire — *sigh* I can see how it would be more of a problem than a benefit. I liked it on my ‘caps and Top 10, but I never reach those dizzyingly high comment numbers and therefore never really suffered from any confusion. I’ll just reminisce fondly by myself, and keep try to figure out who people are talking to when they refuse to begin their replies with “@ person-I’m-replying-to.”
Also, the Girl With the Dragon Tattoo series is one of the best I’ve read in a long time — they absolutely deserve the hype they’ve received. I devoured the Song of Ice and Fire books, and am now in a holding pattern on my Nook where I read through the Dragon Tattoo books, and then go back through George R.R. Martin’s books, rinse and repeat. I’ll have to look into the Outlander books, you obviously have good taste in reading material.
I’m going to look into the Outlander books. I’m all into history, too, and can’t believe I haven’t tried these before so thanks for the heads up. I’m going to read the dragon tattoo trilogy, first, though. I saw the movie and am looking for a little more clarification through the source material. I have a Kindle but I just seem to enjoy having an actual book to read.
Oh, and this is @sarcasatire and @SuperB. We all seem to have similiar reading tastes……maybe we need to start a thread in the forums!
Aww, thanks SuperB! I do love my historical fiction! Novels are so much more interesting than anything I had to read in school. Some great series are The Cousins’ War from Philippa Gregory (The Constant Princess, The White Queen, and The Red Queen) which is the prequel to the Tudors series (The Other Boleyn Girl and The Boleyn Inheritance.) And the prequel to them all, The Lady of The Rivers. Fascinating stuff!
There’s even some Elizabeth I thrown in (The Virgin’s Lover and The Queen’s Fool) as well as a story about her nemesis, Queen Mary of Scots. (The Other Queen.)
These are great companions to anything in a Song of Ice and Fire because it becomes evident where the stories originate. I shan’t give anything away here, but the Cousins War is especially fascinating for all their parallels to Martin’s books. Like they say, truth is stranger than fiction.
@linda, Yes, let’s do it! A bookworm forum thread sounds like a great idea!
@Hypno…that picture made me laugh so hard. That’s a great way to start out the morning.
I am not sure what’s wrong with KM. I believe I mentioned before that she was quite condescending and that’s why people lacked empathy when reading the sad parts of her posts.
Maybe you should just write a book KM…your posts on here are already long enough.
lindaw and sarcastire…
Please do start a book thread!
lindaw, you simply MUST watch the original “Dragon Girl” movies! They are superb!
Classy..I already have a title? “50 Shades of Fuckery”?
@history buffs (SuperB, there are room many to isolate, and who wants to be isolated except our beloved KM?) but I begin by digressing.
Count me in on the historical forum. What a terrific idea.
Another great book is the Autobiography of King Henry VIII with Notes by his Fool, Will Sommers. My personal favorite goes back a bit to Eleanor of Aquataine. Now THERE was a woman to admire.
@sarcasatire and @linda, read all the Girl Tatoo books (loved them!) Have also read all the Outlander books (double love!!!) Claire and Jamie will go down in history as one of the best love stories ever!
when i went to bed, this thread had 18 comments…also, count me in on a bookgasm column of some sort, historical or otherwise (i prefer historical mysteries to straight up fiction, just to throw that in).
Thank you Sarcas for your kindness. . I also am loving the Game of Thrones. I’ve begun making lists of character names with little extra notes. I have not been able to read as consistently lately, and it can be quite confusing to take a break from those books. It really does seem like a cast of thousands.
Fan-Ann – westeros.org is a must when reading the Song of Ice and Fire books. I am on my 3rd reading.
Damn woman-I’m still pulling for the Marquis de Sade. -Or Blue Beard.Snowshoe-Relatives?
I think KoM would be really scary to know in RL. I fear I would get whiplash from all the multiple personalities.
Just sayin’ to no one in particular.
timgunsister-Did you make that up all by yourself or did you have help on the short bus?
You just can’t read,can you? I addressed-Olbermann-you decided to maked a war Meredith
actually, km, you started the war-you started it with gerrit when he had a difference of opinion than you (you just don’t like it when people don’t think along your lines-you start shit with everyone who writes something different from you), you started shit with crankyguy when he asked you to say who you were responding to (because your computer works differently than everyone elses on the entire site), you started shit with ‘darling’ (i have no idea who you were talking to because, like crankyguy stated, you don’t address people by name). so, yes, your original comment was about olbermann, but every other comment here has been an attack on someone else.
The real question is, can we push this comment thread to 100+ like we did with The Great MasterChef Comment War of 2012?
I dunno, KartofMuffler just doesn’t seem committed this time around. Her most recent posts contain just a single sentence. Just one! If there’s one thing I don’t like in a troll, it’s brevity.
“Our one treat-we go to Napa for our Anniversary for 4 days and eat out and laugh and kill a few bottles of Riesling.”
Another lie. No one goes to Napa for the Riesling.
Oh, and @sarcas, @SSC, @linda, etc. — If we start a book lovers thread on the forums, I might never, ever leave my computer. Sounds like a fabulous idea.
And I agree with @sheesh, the original Swedish “Girl With the Dragon Tattoo” movies are phenomenally well done. They are on Netflix instant viewing, and totally worth watching. The few changes that they made to the story didn’t really affect the overall plot (as American films are wont to do with their “adaptations.”) Really, really good movies.
i don’t know why i let her push my buttons, especially when they’re not even directed at me
also: Another lie. No one goes to Napa for the Riesling…snort!
MichChiniblies-Why-pray tell-not? Germans like Riesling and Gewurtz and Vouvray. I don’t care for red-except fot Lucky’s $2 sweet red table and some $2 Chuck.
And Crabby cakes-remember-it’s a secret-there ARE no buttons-that is-there are-or there were-BUT I MUSTn”T KNOW-because-y’all are keepin that a secret.
So why the fuck would I go to Napa? (Yountville,actually). To see the purty vines? The drunks lurching down the road? Or the highest concentration of Michelin restaurants in a small area anywhere in the U.S. and gossip about Ramsey? BINGO. Since I can’t walk-4 years out of 5-Yountville it is. Crappy this year and won’t be going back any time soon but at least the gossip was good. Can’t afford the wineries. We used to go with my sister when the kids were small and buy snacks and creads and a few bottles and salami,etc.,while the cousins picked blackberries and we had a 2 hour picnic (sister ‘s in Santa Fe for the summer-sorry-your dream is broken). All the kids have degrees and gone-aren’t yours? Awwww. What did you do wrong? Just kidding?
You asked for it.
Transparent much?
Stop adding 1+1 and coming up with 666
I thought the numbers were spurious,considering Seacrest has 353 jobs (last count).
I admired Olbermann.
I sympathised with people who struggle with health care.
I thought he dealt with it sensitively.
Annd no -low Cast one-no one will go anywhere for riesling after you’ve snorted one.
You’re welcome.
I was going to tell the book lover That the last Peter Mayle Book -Provence A-Z arrived today and
it is Amazing-but
Either:
I’m bragging (I paid 0.1)
I’m pleading poverty (I did pay $$2.98 shipping -”are you nuts-never heard of libraries you elitist pig?)
It covers Nostradamus to Fruit Confitte /Boules to Pastis
I loved my mother-Mes Nons! I was sad when she died .C’est horrible. Wie ein Schmerz. Das kann nicht seinI
Was fuer eine Hexe! Hoz Anyat!Verdammt. Bevakoof. Pagli.
Ah-go to hell-you really all say the same thing-you can’t read in even one language. If this was the Titanic-even G-d would throw you an anchor. Watch some PBS,read a decent book,listen-really list every now and then,or otherwise,you are going to miss the second act. May you all have teenagers and boils.
labrat-I have the reciepts 3 feet away. I own 4 copy machines,or printers, -does it count if I ate duck confitte with that-or must I have JUST have had riesling? I also stocked the hotel fridge with Gewurtz-because I’m inherently cheap.
@ KartofflMuter — I have to ask, are you this venomous and volatile in person, or is it just the safety of the internet that allows you to unleash your fury upon strangers? Because you are clearly a very bitter, angry woman. I also wonder why, if we are all such low-brow, closed-minded, judgmental, unsophisticated hicks, why do you stick around? Surely there is somewhere on the world wide web where highly educated citizens of the world such as yourself can, for instance, chat about Proust, quoting him of course in the original French. If your life has truly been so interesting, filled with such magnificent and diverse experiences, meeting so many different people and traveling to so many different places, how did you become so sour and unkind? Your education, places of residence, success as a parent, choice of spouse, etc., fail to impress or incite envy because, quite frankly, I would rather live in Iowa (and what’s up with the Iowa hatred? What did Iowa ever do to you?) for my entire life with a GED and a mindless job down at the tire factory than have lived a fantastical life like yours and turn into a spiteful, thin-skinned, rage-filled shrew. You must be incredibly lonely if every encounter you have with another human being goes the way of your interactions here.
I would love a bookworm thread! Although I mainly read young adult fiction.
Why? Just why? Just tell me who made you the wine G-d that knows all,sees all-that knows -you little elitist prick-pinkie in the air-that no one goes to Napa to kill a few bottles of Riesling? I don’t like red wine. The Cheapest Gewurtz by the bottle was over $200. That left Riesling. Even the charge for opening a bottle you brought from another winery was $20. So-to pretend to be a wine snob.I’d have to park,buy some $40 bottle of ehhh,pay them to open it, and pay $60. I’m not good at math-unless it comes to dollars coming out of my pocket. I drink Sutter Home Gewurtz by the case (10% discount) when it goes on sale). It’s cheaper at Lucky’s than it is at the winery. My children made a sweatshirt for me that said (There she goes again-this is why she hates expensive gifts-aha-light bulb)”IF IT’S NOT ON SALE, I DIDN’T BUY IT”
Got it?
Doubt it.
Jewish stereotype. I squeeze a nickle-I get a quarter. I enjoy that. Poverty? If you can’t enjoy it,what’s the point?
When the world implodes-I’ll still be dogpaddling. What will you be doing?
Michi kibble-baby- I have buttons-been collecting for years-Call me. Let’s make a deal. (Chinese Checkers/lots of colors styles, caste no bar.)
Riesling = German wine, as in made in Germany.
Napa = a place were American wine is made.
It was a joke. Get a sense of humor.
@sagittariuskim-i enjoy young adult fiction, too, but since i’ve left the public library i’m not as ‘up’ on it as i used to be-any recommendations?
personally, based on nothing but rambling posts, i feel KM is bitter because she lived quite a great life for a long time (if even half of what she’s rambling on about is true, it must have been fantastic), but due to illness and job loss, that life has drastically changed for the worst. it still seems she has many nice things in her life-a husband who loves her and kids who take care of her (from what she’s said), and even when he was unemployed, they still were able to take trips to napa, eat out, enjoy good things (even though they’re upside down on their mortgage, have 2 cars that barely run and can or can’t afford her medication-i can’t keep track).
i just don’t understand the need to attack anyone who doesn’t agree with everything she says. and frankly, i’m tired of the hate speech. if you subsituted muslim, jew or hindu anywhere she uses ‘christian’ (which seems to be a fallback insult to her, if you disagree with her, you all need to go to iowa and pray to god or whatnot), it wouldn’t be tolerated, and frankly i don’t understand why hers is.
I started the book forum. It’s in the TVGasm Hood.
Am I the only mutherfucker from Iowa that posts on the ‘Gasm’?
Damn people don’t judge Iowa until you’ve been to our state fair.
Oh that reminds me.
Do you know what has 61 feet and 5 teeth?
Any food line at the Iowa State Fair!
@ michkabibbles — Word.
@ sheesh — I’ll head over to the forums a bit later and check it out. Thanks for getting that going!
The Eldest Bintlet just read this comment thread, and is now curled up in the fetal position on the sofa moaning, “My brain is broken!”
She’s 14, and I’m suffering from a case of pre-menstrual acne; looks like your “teenagers and boils” wish has been granted, KM!
I got no dig against Iowa. Tom Harkin’s from Iowa. Although, fried butter seems a bit much.
KM: Oh, my dear…you are woefully inconsistent. Eat duck confitte in a pre-foreclosed home that is only 58 degrees in the winter. Drive around in your 2000 car that needs an oil change. Forego mortgage payments but vacation every year. Head on up to the Napa Valley, but refuse to brush elbows with those culture-less drunks you see at the vineyards, so you choose to drink from the case of Sutter Home wine you smuggled into the hotel.
Quote Proust while guzzling Reisling.
@michkabibbles Wow! After I finish my undergrad in May (fingers crossed) I’m going to get my masters in Library Studies. A few books I’ve read recently are Matched and Crossed by Ally Condie, The Mortal Instruments series and The Infernal Devices series by Cassandra Clare, and Wicked Lovely series by Melissa Marr. I’ll stop there for now because I could on and on. I’ll probable post more in the forum sheesh just started later.
@sarcasatire-i think that’s why they’re upside down on their mortgage- all that duck confite and traveling while out of work. back to work only six months and buying ipads, mac books and expensive watches? maybe you should pay for your 800 pills a day or take care of your cars before such extravagances.
@sheesh-thanks so much for creating the book thread, i really hope it takes off. i’ll be visiting. and my best friends dad is from iowa-which he reverentially refers to as god’s country. it is a beautiful state.
Sigh. I take a nap and when I wake up I find that I am suspected of being related to the M de S and Bluebeard. Hmm. I didn’t even know THEY were related. Or I s’pose it’s one from Mother’s side and the other from Dad’s. Oh KM you do make my brain hurt.
Sheesh, obviously KM isn’t well travelled or she would know that Iowa is a lovely state. The U of Iowa in Iowa City is so proud it has Iowa all about its name and no wonder. It is a beautiful city along the river with lovingly refurbished old buildings.
And I do hope you will visit me when you come to the MiniApple. Another beautiful place.
Thank you for news of the forum!
Oh Ishkabbibble-I love it when your silly. So sweet.
Figures that I would comment just when everybody has given up. Can’t help but notice that too many posts are commented upon by our favorite sociopath, KM.
For a real palate cleanser, I like to go to the T&T site admirably written by Dear Crabby, but also followed by the Anti-KM, Pageant Grandma!!!
DC is wonderfully snarky, and PGram is so positive and nurturing. It’s a great remedy for the ramblings of the demented KM.
Just thought I’d say.
i love dearcrabby. never have i felt so ok hating children. it was her toddlers and tiaras recaps that brought me here to begin with. and i loooove pageant grandma. i love her levelheadedness and behind the scenes knowledge.
and KM-i love it when you’re so condescending and incoherent, gives me a good chuckle.
Zerocool-Und if you allready know you haf zero kool-zen vei?? can I,not be eqqvally uncool und trink mein Riesling,Ja?
Hey–look-for 15 years I lived 1 1/2 miles away from Chateau St. Michelle–before it was a winery-when it was a corn field. Their Riesling is crap. Their reds are-highly spittable. No-I’m no expert,I just won’t pay for swill,even if I pass it on the way to work every damn day for 15 years. It’s one of those “the emperor has no clothes” items. Oregon makes better wines and in Italy,any gas station will sell you wines by the case at a dollar a pop. Again-You will accuse me of bragging instead of asking-right-sigh.
As soon as we bought this house,the company went belly up- hubby had negotiated a 6month severance pay package. We lived in a furnished apartment paid by the company. We returned the furniture-everything,slept on the floor,pocketed the cash,bought some lamps and dishes from Goodwill, taped the kid’s drawings to the walls, made paper dolls,bought sleeping bags,etc. When he got a job,it was a week after the house in Wa. sold. He commuted for 6 years. Summers we spent in his apt in Wash. and thanks to Freq. Fly. Miles,2 weeks in Europe. Free tickets,free rental car. Cheap pensions and hotels,free breakfasts. Low expectations. Happy with ice cream. Exceptionally fond of chicken liver -AND-willing to drink English wine (very brave) and French
Beer. I’m sorry mr/mrs sceptic. On british Airways-we had the Englisg wine. And In Nice (it was nice) we found an English Pub with and ex-pat and while staring at the Riviera,we dared to order a French beer. Life on the wild side. But that trip was on my husband’s company at the time. Oh-and you won’t like this either. All the fancy CEO women lookeked at me and asked-had I come for the Perfume?? (Nose raised) and I yelled slightly-over the caberet-”No-I’ve come to see the Marquis de Sade’s favorite castle.” That usually shuts them up.
And the next day-we did.-Admission-FREE.
And why did she ask me anything? Because I had an Indian husband and I was in a silk sari. Conversation-no.A snarky answer would never stop a real person. It would just enliven them. Not a Robin Williams in the bunch.I married the man I did because he gets 95% of the punch lines. And he does a great deadpan.
As for those of you who think I have multiple personalities-what actress doesn’t?
Besides-I’m a Gemini on the cusp of Taurus-and that’s a lot of bull-and I do a lot more voices than Sophie on Leverage. (Has Sophie ever done an impression of Celery? A 6 week old eggplant? ) I think not.
And now-I have to go back to yelling at some really awful horrible terrible nasty incompetent people in Hyderabad who never qualified for a call center of any kind and were deprived of protein in the womb.
You know-It seems to me,the first couple of times i came here ,it was on the mormon what’sits show,and people said-”Just chill-we like making fun of people.” My objection was you were being too hard on the husband and the last wife. That’s when all hell broke loose. I was accused of
“having a thing for the husband”
“What on on earth are you married to?
If this looks good to you you must be nuts
And the more I defended inividual opinions-some of which I formed in College thanks to Heinlein-the madder you all got-Well if there’s one thing I’ve learned in my terribly “easy” ROTFLMAO life , was if you’re 5′ tall,don’t back down. And behind every silver lining,there’s a big black cloud. And it always gets darkest just before it goes pitch black. And never trust Oprah.Her name was spelled wrong on her birth certificate.And -from Iowa-never hit a man when he’s down-kick him-it’s easier.
And from all of you-never see with your eyes or you heart but only with whatever prejudices and gang mentality you can gather because after all-ther is strength in numbers,and the louder you shout,and the more of you there are,the faster you yell anti Christ- even if that horrible person has quoted Christ. (Ignore,didn’t see that,wasn’t there,sick that day,had my period. hey man-not me ,say what?) we shall keep steamrolling. Republicans.
Don’t worry-It means Obama will probably lose. But hey=good on ya. Hope of the nation. The next time I “torpoedoed” your wonder world with my negativity- I defended the privacy of a divorcing couple . Divorce-apparently,is just one more game to you people and saying something positive about Tom or Katie and saying NONE of us has the right to judge .Judge not lest ye be judge (You see,I’ve been baptize Roman Catholic and Lutheran and Confirmed United Church of Christ and am a tithing member of a congregation-I won’t say which-I don’t want any picketing. I also practice Hinduism and Judaism in my own way which G-d seems to have no problem with whatsoever . See-No lightening bolts. I enjoy ill health and have since I was 3. I also enjoy a superb sense of humour mostly self-deprecating which is all I have besides a love of reading,to battle my condition. My mother and I both have a quirk about numbers so we quantify everything. Maybe it’s from not having enough during the war,but all my life I saw envelopes every where with numers 2 doz eggs,5 lbs flr,16 ppl 4 cups wasser . I count.You shouldn’t make fun of an old woman and you certainly should never assume the worst of every person. It’s a very bad habit. my husband is very embarrassed he never got his Phd. but he couldn’t find a job because we were married and had to drop out of the Phd program and never finished. His father never forgave him. What you call bragging is his biggest regret.And I had to drop out because we moved from Oregon to Wash. Yeah-so easy.Things happen. You move
on. Who has time to complain? It’s just later,when you’re old,later,you regret.It’s human.
And yet-last night I was laughing out loud because my sweet dog was snorgling and snuffling under the covers-all 8 pounds of her-so -you just know there has to be a G-d. Right?
I Have A Dream.
Arbeit Macht Frei.
Life sucks,then you die
Same to same
And with that I bid you aMountainDew
Sheesh
You have fried butter. Need I say more.? Are the mosquitos still trying to dive bomb the tornados?
Suburb-NO-you’re supposed to get the boils-and the teen isn’t supposed to get cramps- heating pad-better yet-hot water bottle. 14 year olds should not have pain and break-outs. Bad. Good reason to suggest fruit and stay away from fried food. But a reward of chocolate never hurts. We always had some frome the last holiday-Easter eggs! Cadbury-with the candy coating-I have 4 bags left.
@sagitarriuskim-i just saw your message-thank you so much for your recommendations, i shall add them to my list. things like this are why i’m so glad sheesh started the book forum!
and i hope you don’t mind a bit of unsolicited advice-i don’t know where you are in terms of library experience (you could be sitting on years and years of it!), but if you don’t have any, or much, it’s the best thing you can do to prepare for your future career. there are so many graduates out there, and varied experience really really makes a difference. i work at a specialized reseach library (more information available on request!), and we always accept volunteers for a variety of jobs (7 staff members-35 volunteers). if you want to go into public library work, you should have little trouble finding a variety of paraprofessional positions available, but if you want to go into something different and specialized, try to think of places that you might not think about having libraries. the art/ history museums, the zoo, the botanical gardens, specialized university collections-almost all should have some kind of volunteer program.
i hate to go on and on, but we get so many practicum students through our doors, and so few of them think that hard about real experience until they’re close to graduation. and i’m sorry if you’ve got experience already! i hope i don’t sound condescending, i was just excited to hear of your career path
@KM-i can honestly so, no matter how much your comments seem to push my buttons (and they do!), one thing they all have in common is how much you and your husband are made for each other, and for that, i’m truly happy for you. it seems a rare thing these days.
K of M, seriously, TMI. As interesting as I’m certain the minutae of your existence is to you, it really isn’t to most of us here.
Seriously.
@ KM — “You shouldn’t make fun of an old woman and you certainly should never assume the worst of every person. It’s a very bad habit.”
You know far less about any of us than we know about you, because most of us don’t go off on a tangent and share major incidents from our life stories whenever the mood strikes, so you have no idea how old or young most of us are, what backgrounds we come from, life experiences we’ve had, etc. Yet you seem more than willing to immediately assume the worst of us, as shown by your amazing ability to take the most innocuous statements as personal attacks. You make my brain so very, very tired, and not because of your dizzying intellect, but rather because by the time I finish reading one of your posts, I feel like I’ve forgotten how language works.
We’re here to snark about TV shows, TV personalities, celebrities, etc. If you can’t stand the heat, find another kitchen. I have yet to see anybody make a personal attack against you until you have struck the first blow.
Nobody cares how rich or poor you are. Many of us have been hit with major unexpected financial difficulties over the past ten years, yet we manage quietly and without carrying on about it. Nobody cares how many degrees you or your husband have, or at what level, or from what school you graduated unless it has a direct bearing on the conversation at hand. And the rest of us moved on from the Riesling incident hours ago — we don’t care if you drink reds or whites, or if you drink them from a bottle, box, or jug. We can sympathize with your health woes, because many of us have auto-immune diseases, severe/chronic pain issues, cancer, diabetes, and so on, but we don’t presume to act as though we have a patent on pain and that no one else can possibly understand what we’re going through; instead, we rally around and support each other when we learn of a new diagnosis, injury, pending surgery, etc., etc. Because even though we’re only internet acquaintances, we enjoy one another and respect one another enough to wish one another well or express sympathy when appropriate. It’s hard to enjoy and respect you when you barge in and steamroll us under your withering condescension, sneering at us for being small-minded, ignorant, Christian Republicans from Iowa (and again I ask — what, specifically, did Iowa ever do to you? It’s a lovely state!) The majority of us are neither small-minded nor ignorant, and those who are Christian Republicans, or Christian Democrats, or non-Christian Republicans, or non-Christian Democrats, or Neo-Pagan Green Party members keep it to ourselves unless, again, it is relevant to the conversation at hand.
You are a bully. What’s more, you are the worst kind of bully, who makes herself out to be the victim while still attacking. You show no respect for anyone’s opinions but your own. You seem to be incapable of rational discussion and refuse to answer direct questions or argue against specific statements from other posters. And this is not because of your theatre background which gives you such a flair for drama and “more voices than Sophie on Leverage,” it’s because you don’t have enough respect for us to engage in actual conversation.
You tell us that we ought not to make fun of an old lady. If you are indeed everything that you say you are, including an “old lady” then you should use your age and the wisdom that one hopes you would have accumulated over the course of your lifetime as an example to the rest of us of graciousness and courtesy, neither of which require bending over backwards in order to accommodate viewpoints that you disagree with. Simply put, you come across as a rude, unpleasant person, and have made absolutely no effort to prove yourself to be otherwise.
I will be interested to see whether, if/when you reply to this post, you actually manage to address the points that I have raised, or if it will turn into yet another ramble regarding your travels, your education, your poor health, your upside down mortgage, and your practically-perfect-in-every-way children.
I’m beginning to think that this is a psychology student’s thesis project, and that these threads are being closely observed to see how long and in what ways we will put up with these bizarre and pointless rants.
P.S. The acne is my own, so I am afflicted with boils, of a sort. My teenager, on the other hand, is far from an affliction.
16 more comments til 100..whoohoo!
I like Chateau St. Michelle…
I think that was the first submission for 50 Shades of Fuckery….
@michkabibbles No problem. Your advice isn’t condescending at all, I really appreciate it. I have tiny bit of library experience, I was library aide my senior year in high school. I’ve been trying to get a job at the university libraries, but every time they have a opening it’s for grad students. I never thought of volunteering, that’s a really good idea I think I’ll try it. And I am majoring in Art History right now so that I have the option of working in museums.
@Classy You cussed. You never cuss.
@sagitarriuskim: university jobs are the hardest to get, they generally do reserve positions for work study. i’m actually an art history major as well with desires to work in a slide library some day, but for now i work in a botany library of all places (my experience meshed, if not my area of study). you can probably get similar experience to university work in a public library. i don’t know how big of a city you live in, but our main library downtown has it’s own fine arts department, so it’s not impossible to find outside of a museum. once you get into your grad program, they should be able to help find you other options. good luck! i’ll be interested to hear how it goes.
it also might be worth the time to get added to email list serves. they can be a pain with all the messages you get, but if you have a local library association and they have a list serve, it can prove invaluable in providing job listings and networking opportunities.
here’s the website for the special library association: http://www.sla.org/ i know they have a listserv, and they might have more area specific ones, as well (in st. louis it’s sla-arch). plus it’ll have general information on special library goings ons.
@SSC, Seems I missed a bit of the action myself. That’s what I get for going to Target. That place is a vortex and I get sucked in every time. Go for Pull Ups, leave with plastic training pants, more toddler undies, Kettle Salt & Vinegar Chips (3 bags..damn you, sale!), yogurt, bread, fruitables juice boxes, crackers, and a Spiderman coloring book. Not to mention all the fun I have browsing. lol “I just can’t quit you, Target!”
@Sheesh: I’m so excited about the forum! I’m heading over there in a few. Everybody, be generous with your suggestions and links to your fav authors because I seriously come across the best books by accident or recommendation. I’d never heard of the Outlander series until I picked it up from Goodwill two weeks ago. Now, everytime I mention it, someone is like “Oh, I loved that series!” I’m a lil mad I was cheap that day and didn’t want to pay $1.99 for the three books by the same author (Diana Gabaldon) without knowing if I liked the first. So, I only bought Outlander. Went back to Goodwill last week for the sequels and they were gone! So, I am rereading it again while waiting for the library to send Book two to my nearest branch. They’d better hurry!
(Okay, I’ll save the rest for the forums…see you guys there!)
@Suburbint: Superb word. I don’t think she gets it, but the rest of us seem to. And the fact that she says we are ganging up on her when she comes out the gate swinging, and she either addresses multiple people to insult (as she has in this thread) or she makes a sweeping generalization about all of us. She can’t be confused if some of choose to respond. I’m pretty sure that she’s noticed that she is the only person across the entire site that gets this reaction from posters. Because that’s what she dishes out. If there were a roving mob of commentors terrorizing the boards, I could understand. But nope. @KM, if everywhere you post, you get into a conflict with people. Maybe it isn’t them. Maybe it’s you.
@Suburbint: Next topic.. acne. I had a wicked bout with acne recently, too. Got the doc to prescribe me Clindamycin gel and Retin-A cream. I used them together in college and it cleared me up in 5 days. it was my mom’s prescription, so this time I knew what to ask for. Worked again this time, too. Even better, Retin-A removes wrinkles, which I didn’t need back then but these days, I guess it couldn’t hurt. Hey, if I can remove acne, dark spots, AND wrinkles at the same time..it’s worth a shot. I’ll let you know how it goes..
Okay, I’m rambling a bit now. Just doing my part to get us to 100.. Almost there folks, don’t stop now!
KM, you’ve told us so much, yet you never mentioned your pets. Do tell! *blinks expectantly*
@ sarcasatire — You made me LOL out loud, as Monk says. 9 posts to go and we hit 100. On a Watercooler post, no less. That’s got to be a first.
My skin problems are entirely hormone driven. Clear skin 3 weeks out of every 4. I view the breakouts as kind of an early warning system, if you know what I mean (and of course you do.)
Don’t blink expectantly for too long, the odds of getting an actual question answered are slim to none, if past comments can be trusted, and I’d hate for you to get eyelid cramps.
I’ll duck in to the forums tomorrow, it is bedtime in the BintHaus! Type at you all tomorrow.
<3
@snowshoecat 74 — Is there some way we could get P-Gran to intervene with KM? I’ve thought the same thing about them being alter-egos.
it’s nearly 2:a.m. here and for some reason I checked the Gasm. ‘Puter had been left on.
Typing quietly so I don’t wake hubbycat.
SuperB @82, your masterful commdent was unfortunately unheeded by KM,sad to say. She’s off her meds again. You cast such wonderful pearls that are wasted upon swine.
I ascribe to that master’s thesis theorum. Good thinking.
Now back to sleep, although after reading the latest rant @76, I’ll probs stare at the ceiling for a while. Yikes.
@Sarcassy, you reminded me of tomorrow’s–today’s– shopping. See you at the forum.
You guys gave up at 93
I am disappointed in you ‘gasm….
@sheesh, excuse me. I am to classy for cussin…
I am fairly new to this. Would someone be so kind as to tell me how to find the book lovers forum? I’ve read all the Philippa Gregory books and the Dragon Tattoo series so I feel I might be a kindred spirit.
@suburbint : What an eloquent post in response to KM. Too bad it fell on deaf ears.
SuperB, you are my hero and as eloquent as ever. And I’m so glad to hear about the book thread in the forums!! Yay!
And also, I have decided to simply ignore anything written by KoM from here on out. I think I’ll live longer if I do.
Smart lady, linda@97.
Sheesh! Wake up! We’re almost there!
Oops. I sound like my dad!
Theresa is an asshole!!
Just trying to help my gasmii get to 100 – here’s 98 for ya!!
50 SHADES OF FUCKERY!!!!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
I was logging in as fast as I can!
Yay Classy Drunk!
Ahem-Sarcasm-Woe Nelly- One erroneous statement at a time-Please. This is easy for me,you see,becauseI’m not caught in a web of lies. My life may sound strange-tough.
Every odd little word is true. Therefore I don’t have to bob and weave. But-quite the imagination there-wow!
Firt of all my house is not pre-for-closed-It’s foreclosed. we got that notice in June 2009. We were really dumb. We kept paying on our charge cards while those crooks were partying in the Bahamas. Then we paid not 1 but 3 companies $6-9,000 each to help us with the foreclosure because we didn’t know yet they weren’t allowed to take money and-yup-they declared bankruptcy and ha ha ha on us. (And a lot of the U.S.)This was when charge cards were suddenly,no warning using any excuse,raising 9.% int rates to 26% -28% rates,which meant payments,once affordable,now weren’t.They also took credit limits,cut them,without warning,down to your outstanding balance,and since card carriers didn’t know,they were penalyzed with fines and the new higher rates. Welcome to Amerika. We finally saw an Attorney who said “why are you paying on your cards?” We should have switched the order,but,what did we know? We’d paid our mortgage since 1981.
Lawyer consult-FREE by the way. They all give you a 1 hour. free consult-and we saw 4.They wanted $12,000 upfront.We went for 1 last cheat -lawyer-who finished fleecing us by October. These things take time. My husband was only getting 40% of his salary because of funding problems-high ideals,worthy causes,18-20 hour days,7 day weeks, and no money to pay tuition for college for our daughter,which is why we refinanced. And 1 child to go.January-Unemployment started-$1600 a month-ok. Gas water,electricity,food,insurances,-it adds up. Soyes-we had the heat set at 58-why the surprise. He sat 15 feet away stil working 16+ hours a day,trying to find a job,and I sat on my very nice couch ($20) with a space heater ,socks, a sweater and a blanket,sometimes gloves with the finger tips cut off-$1. You think that’s odd. I think when you’re broke,you cut every damn corner. I also washed out plastic bags,Most of the yard died in the summer and a couple of trees because we under watered. The cars weren’t serviced-but for cripes sake-my husband did all the maintainence on the cars till they went computerized,he can do an oil change-he still brings his own oil because it’s cheaper that way.We’ve never let a car go till it has at least 200,000 miles. It’s a matter of pride. The last car we donated to charity-Blue Book value-$176. He didn’t want to sell it to some kid who unknowingly might think it was safer than it was because it looked very good.
“Vacation”-I take issue with that word. 4 days is considered, by most,a long weekend. He worked on the 4th of July. He works at 6am-conference calls. He takes conference calls at 8Pm and writes up notes an makes slides til midnight.He still-last Saturday,works through the night to make sure his teams are ready and presentations are crisp and not just Tech speak.So when I talk him into 4 days in Yountville-a whopping hour and a half away, it is not a crime. Last year-our vacation was lunch at El Torrito in Monterey and home. Happy? It was our second year on unemployment. We had exhausted everything. Last year was rough. Nothing left to cut. Last year we went to the pawn shop. Last year we dropped our insurance. The premium went from $500+ to $1500+.
Last year we worked without a net. And yet,my daughter got a Master’s degree and moved and we can’t help with her school loan. And the year before-Yountville-4 days. Hotel-$75 a night.
This year-the hotel was bought out so we found a cheaper one. We did not “smuggle” a case of wine. There’s a fridge in every room and wine glasses and cork pullers. Read carefully. I said we buy cases at Lucky’s because you get 10% off. We brought 2 bottles,and took back 4.-ha. We tend to split a beer when we get back to the room. Guzzling–oh really? And this is the second time you have accused me of reading Proust. No. I haven’t read Proust. James Joyce. Robert Jordan. Moliere-Yes. Aristophanes-Yes.Scott Card-Yup. Yukio Mishima. Yasunari Kawabata, McCaffrey,And Suzanne Collins-Katniss rules.
And I do not mock or feel superior to or not want to rub elbows with the people on the highway who are so rich they can afford to go from one winery to the next and pay for “flights”-I think the name is sort of silly but I’m a leftover hippie-at $20 a pop and then I always feel like I have to buy 1 bottle and then it costs $40+ and-I’m really happier taking home a nice glass. Ok? Besides-I lost my sense of smell and taste about 8 years ago so-sip,swirl,-whatev- I can sort of tell-ooh-dry,ohh-sweet. But grape juice tastes like apple. Vanilla tastes like butter pecan.Peas taste like beans-I am so not Master Chef material anymore. I just like sitting next to my hubby,seeing a nice bird fly by,toast each other (I know-we don’t deserve it-we have to be sad all the time-and yet,somehow,I still make jokes-but I always clean them up.) I’m scared of the people on the road. Self-preservation-it’s a 2 lane hi-way. Even at 10 am,someone passed us crossing the double yellow and barely missed the oncoming 16-wheeler. I probably would have liked his/her elbows just fine. Just not his driving.
Now have at me. sling mud. Call me evil. I’ve been called worse. Ah-mammeries. These are the breast of times.
I am the scum beneath your shoes-you can’t top that one. Ooh ooh-how about-I should die alone,and no one should remember my name and I should be erased from existence as if I had never been. Top that. See- I’ve been done by experts. Water off a dorks back. And I’ve had the best compliments from some of the best people on earth-real true royalty.
-but-i came defending-and you attacked..ive learned to attack back or be killed. its all i really learned well .you could say it was beaten into me in iowa. But what’s great about you-_I make remarks about Katie and and Tom and the Mormon family and Olbermann,but your anonymous pack of non-martyr,kind sweeties,turns around and calls me names,including liar-ha ha-as if it was an impossibility that a person could go to Napa and drink Riesling-because it’s German. Good one. I also met a Swiss bicycle big shot-I know he was a big shot because his meal was comped at Bouchon’s and he recommended the confitte. I was going to ask you-collectively when we got back- if you knew if there was some big bike thingy going on-we don’t follow sports. There were lots of cylclists there that week and I though one of you might know better than us-but then attack of the mole people began when I defended the “you lose Cruise” Imagine that-bitter old woman defends people. gets defensive after 7th personal attack on herself rather than a rational arguement. I hate Scientology.BTW.It’s a dangerous Joke. Power ultimately destroys,small amounts or large. That’s my old lady wisdom.
Anyway-he must be very good-he had 3 glasses of red and 5 of white and got on his bike and road off-tell me-is that guzzling? Don’t drink and peddle. Hollow legs? Well-it was really hot. He was sweet .I wondered since all the talk about Mr. Armstrong was going on,if they were connected but we just talked food and home.
You make MY brain tired-and so-I retreat to Good Books, where everybody knows my real name-and yet-they haven’t turned to stone. Oh yes-wine-it’s the grape that determines the wine-as I remember from the long boring lecture at Hill Famil Family, so a Riesling grape produces a Riesling wine? And thus,good years,bad years,mixing with other grapes,why reds get better,whites are consumed early, yahta yahta yahta. But it is really strange looking at a map of France and seeing all those names-eh? And Alsace-French-who new? but it’s not-It’s Border ing Austria so it’s Austrian and make Gewurtz.Oy.I was 55 when I figured that out.(a weakness-attack!)Ha ha)”Tonight’s program is brought to you by old sweaty scrotum. The new program by Hugo Balls.”
No-I don’t ramble. If you’re confused,my work is done. Blanc Mange.
And thanks Ishkabibble-that was very kind of you indeed.
Congratulations Classy!! Yea for the hundredth and a small pat on the back to those of us who put blood, sweat and tears into helping you make that august achievement.
What’s an august achievement? is it something like a May-December relationship??!?!
I was so happy to get that one. I appreciate everyone’s hard work in getting us there.
@ SB, tried to make some of the same points that you did when KM was on the Master Chef recap. (Not as awesome as you did, but I tried) As you can see none of it worked as we have received our second submission for her book.
HOLY SHIT KoM you have joined the ranks of Camille Grammar! It must be so haaaaaaaaaaaaard being the ASSHOLE on this site of late.
As I said on my post 81 “K of M, seriously, TMI. As interesting as I’m certain the minutae of your existence is to you, it really isn’t to most of us here.
Seriously.”
Brevity is your friend. Embrace your inner monologue. And I mean that with all my heart.
51 Shades of Fuckery and counting….
@Sheesh-HA!!!!!!!!! I hate that f#cking book! WIN!
Clas-Say, you are, in fact, early for an August achievement since it is still July. Silly me!
Can we all just try to ignore her? Maybe she will just sail away in a sea of Reisling, never to rant here again.
The Cheapest Gewurtz by the bottle was over $200.
Great, more lies. Gundlach Bundschu makes a mean Gewurtz. Oh I’m sorry they are located in the Carnaros/Sonoma region. I will assume that is beneath you.
“I’m not caught in a web of lies”
Who are you referring to? I don’t know anyone caught in a web of lies. I see people like that on TV, but not in real life. I believe you project a lot.
Wait a minute, KM. You got mad at me for “condemning” Katie Holmes. No one attacked you for “defending” Tom Cruise. I was there and you can’t tell me otherwise! I said that I wasn’t “condemning” her anymore than you were implicitly condemning Tom Cruise when you said that Katie Holmes was just an innocent girl blinded by love who had now gotten free. Then you said you weren’t condemning Cruise; you actually felt sorry for him and you through in something about his being gay. I said I didn’t think he was gay. You came back with a story about someone you dated who turned out to be gay and then died of AIDS. I said I was sorry, for you and for the guy. You took that as an insult and went off on a rant. I’m laying all this out because it shows how you constantly shift ground to keep arguments centered on you and your personal life. And also to show how KM twists details around. She wasn’t defending Tom Cruise AT ALL in that thread. And she certainly wasn’t being attacked for her supposed defense of Tom Cruise. But that’s how it gets summed up in her brain. So what does that mean about the rest of the details of her life she is constantly giving us?
@SSC dangit…I wish you would have lied to me or created a “web of lies” so that an August Achievement would have been more exciting and eventful like KM’s life.
Labowner’s web of lies. I like it!
@labowner just hit the reply button and go for it.
@SuperB comment 82 was glorious.
Gasmii, I’ve stopped reading KoM but you’re replies keep me going.
Oh and since I’m in a wine club of my own I can say with certainty we’ve all moved on from Reislings…sail away, sail away, sail away…
What did you move on to? Please don’t say Pinot Grigio. A non-Housewife-watching friend of mine ordered that when we went out to dinner the other night and I seriously felt a little sick for a minute. I opened my mouth to ask, “Are you SURE?” and then realized that that would be crazy of me. Crazy.
a wine question for those in the know-there was a wine bar around here that used to serve something that i would order as an ‘austrian hopler’-it was a crisp white, not too sweet, not too dry. they don’t serve it anymore, and i can’t seem to find something similar-i know nothing about wine! do you have any suggestions on what might be similar or what a hopler is?
superb had it right when she said that when/ if KM responded it wouldn’t be to anything she’d actually asked or said-just another in a long line of pityme rants (her circumstances, while sad, aren’t unique) and TMI.
maryedith: she just attacks no matter what. all of her nonsense would be tolerable if she didn’t attack. on the masterchef comment muckery i said, i don’t care for monti. at which point i was attacked a billion different ways and called a mere spectator in life because i hadn’t popped a baby out of my vagina.
Michka – Grüner Veltliner might be the type of wine you are looking for.
Oh Cla-Say, I could never lie to you, neither cculd I create a “web of lies” to spice things up.
Sigh. Such is the nature of a kitty.
MaryE, congratulations to you on restraining yourself. Hubbycat and I were out with friends last weekend and we ordered a Gewurtz. We invited the other wife to share it with us since her husband was having a martini. She asked if it is dry, and when hubbycat said it is, she had trouble deciding between the Reisling and the Pino Grigio for herself.
Snowshoe Reislings are great with Indian and Thai food. I wonder if Miss Billionaire Row Heather knows Champs goes great with potato chips and/or popcorn.
@ KM — Thank you for so beautifully proving every single one of my points. I shall now attempt to let all future comments by you simply roll off my back rather than being drawn into pointless arguments. My time and energies can be better spent and this whole casting pearls before swine thing is getting old (and before you try to turn that into a personal insult, you know perfectly well that it’s a Biblical reference. Oh dear, now I’ll be accused of being an Iowa Christian, truly the most vile specimen of humanity.) I have reached the conclusion that you are either truly suffering from some form of mental incapacitation or simply don’t care about engaging in rational dialogue. If this sort of internet sparring is how you get your kicks, I would recommend that you check out the forums at http://carm.org. Topics to keep you going for days, and tons of Iowa Christians to insult. You might also enjoy Proust; I think you would find that the two of you have a lot in common.
@ Classy Drunk — congrats on 100. 50 Shades of Fuckery indeed.
@ lindaw, KC, Gypsy, SSC — Thanks for the props on my comment. I try to express myself clearly, although I obviously have yet to master being concise. In my defense, there are so many lovely words in the English language, and somebody has to use them.
See you all in the book forum!
xoxo, SuburBint OUT!
OH NO YOU DI’IN’T COMPARE KM to PROUST! SuburB, as ever you are too kind and generous for this world.
“In my defense, there are so many lovely words in the English language, and somebody has to use them.”
KM uses ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL of them.
@Classy — but very, very BADLY.
“ If you’re confused, my work is done.”
Translation: Why yes, I am a common troll, thank you very much.
Lab@ 120, Reisling with Indian and Thai? Who knew? I can see that it would offset the spiciness nicely and neutralize some of the fire. Been wantin’ me some Thai, and I think I’m gonna try it out. Thai one on tonight, in fact.
Thank you.
@labowner-thanks so much for the recommendation!
I’m partial to dry wine myself and have been known to show up at friend’s houses with a bottle of white and a jar of gourmet pickles. They go over quite well, you know. The pickle place has since closed, so now I just bring wine.
Not being a connoisseur myself, I don’t know a lot about wine. But I do know that I do not care for reisling, moscato, zinfandel or the like. And my champs must be brut, like my humor.
@SarClassy (see what I did there?). By Zinfandel, I hope you mean white zin and not the real zin which is red. A good zin is peppery and a great (read pricey) is a little bit of heaven in a glass. Can’t blame you for not liking white zin. Ugh.
My sister-in-law once gave me an apron featuring a monk saying “forgive me for I have zinned.” he looked very content and not at all contrite. Try a Bogel zin. Very nice.
Lately I have been (and despite my suffering migraines) retreating back to reds…Malbecs, and Cab Savs which is strange b/c I typically reserve those for cooler months but I have been having a lot of BBQ lately and the go so well with that type of meal I can’t help it. Riesling is good, in moderation. I had some Pinot last night and it was all I could do not to gag. Shame on you Turtle Time!
I’ve been hooked on Justin Vineyards lately. Pricey CA reds but, they are amazing! The cheapest price point I know of out here retail is the Cab Sav at $27/bottle but the Justification and Isosceles are to die for. A nice back up would be the Cadence…
I also have a bottle of Vueve in my fridge, as promised I would, weeks ago when I was about to wring Heather Eyebrow’s neck through my TV for saying “Champs”. I am waiting to go to the store and pick up some Funyons to compliment the bottle.
Austrialian Hoper? Never heard of it…and one of my besties is an Aussie & a wino! Intriguing.
I am thinking of buying a vineyard and renaming it “Web of Lies”.
@ crankyguy — I didn’t realize you spoke Common Troll! Are you fluent, or do you just know enough to get by; get directions to the airport, order a meal, that sort of thing?
Well gang, should we try for 200? We have both a book and a wine thread. That ought to do it– along with a palate cleansing insane rant or two.
Now with, COCK!
Go 200!
@SSC, maybe the red zin I didn’t care for was Franzia. *hangs head*
But I really don’t pick up on the low, subtle tones of wine. Like, KM, I have no taste of sense or smell. Okay, not really, but I am your sinus sister, remember? Which reminds me, I just got a call today and my surgery date is in a few short weeks! No more deviated septum, no more huge ass adenoids! The doctor says I’ll have 50-75% more breathing capacity in my nose, so expect me to be real obnoxious sniffing the bouquet on a Noir next chance I get.
LOL @ Suburbint! I just picked up my Pimsleur Common Troll cd. The Rosetta Stone program was way too expensive.
As for as KM is concerned, I agree that ignoring her will make her go away. But I warn you, it will take a fair bit of restraint on my part not to make fun of such ridiculousness. I’ll try to exercise self-control but this is a day-to-day process and I fear relapses are common. Fodder is addictive. If there’s too much of it around, I can’t help but use it. And KM gives me so much fodder!
@sheesh, I’m not from Iowa, but Minnesota, so hey, not too far from you! We might have to debate that State Fair thing, tho, lol. We put all our food on sticks!
Crazy thread! I love this site! Came here for the T&T recaps, stayed for the awesomeness!
Here’s the forum link for the book club: http://forums.tvgasm.com/viewtopic.php?f=12&t=79
If you don’t have an account, registration is easy and free. And if there are any other topics you guys want to discuss, or TV shows, you can start a thread, as well. I smell a wine thread coming on… (What am I saying? I can’t smell.)
Oh, and a big “hi” to my fellow ‘sotan, snowshoecat! I enjoy your posts and wit and have been thinking about jumping in to say “hey” and I guess this insane thread is as good a place as any!
But Timmy-Wouldn’t Lassy have to find one,drag it through the slime,and then offer if for the transplant first? Assuming it was roach compatible?
@sarcas Thanks for the link. I will head over there as soon as this gets to 200! I’m too intrigued to stop now!
Can’t offer much on the wine front (I’m strictly a vodka girl) but I will participate because of COCK!
must… not… type… *panting heavily*
(@sarcasatire-i know! i’m kind of dying to know wtf she’s talking about).
You’re welcome, KC. Around here, I tell ya..the things we do for COCK!
@miska see gypsy post #133
Oh SarClassy!! *heavy sigh* but the DS problem explains so much. Had the surgery several years ago and it revealed a whole new world for me. In fact, had to limit hubbycat’s intake of certain foods. ‘Nuff said.
Thank you so much for the link!! I’ll be there. I love the idea of a wine thread.
Not only a sinus sister, but a weak willed woman. I made a comment at 2:00 a.m. This morning for goodness sake!
Sno-How could I? NO-body drinks Riesling. Hmmmm? Pretty pussy . Meow.
Oh SSC, how I enjoy thee!!!
Labrador-on the menu-Sir numnuts-I couldn’t stop as Safeway. Then I’d have to pay the corkage fee. And the restaurant might -object to the bottle of Ripple in their front window,dontcha’ think?
Labby-That is so cute-do you do card tricks too? I could say you playfully misinterpret- or outright lie-or just can’t read. But web of lies and deliberate misinterpretations will do. Litsten kids,it’s been fun,but
A) you can’t ruin my mood since Christina didn’t go home and
B) I have an Indian to talk down off a ledge in Chicago -figuratively speaking.
Fuck it. I’ll go to rehab in the morning.
@KM, Why don’t you start a thread in the forums. Call it “I know you give a shit.” Make a daily (hourly) post of no less than 2000 words, detailing your day. It’s okay to be redundant. We like that. Try to include as much detail as possible, from the amount of stains on the floorboard of your 2000 Kia, to whether or not you are capable of growing a full size nail on your pinky toe. I wanna know it all!
Be sure to elaborate on how great things were for you before you hit a rough patch… That’s a unique viewpoint and definitely a story worth sharing.
Looking forward to reading it!
KM – I’ve studied French for 8 years and German for 3, but I will say this in plain English – Fuck You.
@ zero…nomination for the 200th comment no matter what!
Seriously…I like comment wars because they chaff the wheat from the straw.
oh!
I am speaking the Iowegian Christian linga!
@Sheesh, I’m always down for a comment war. It’s like mob wives with words.
Sarc – don’t worry about what wines you do or don’t like. Most of us don’t have the palate to taste the flavors as they unfold in our mouths. I have a friend who is a Master Sommelier and very few people have the taste buds he does.
I suggest a Vihno Verde for those suffering the heat waves. Amazing wine for $5 – what the argh now $10.
KM – I didn’t say nobody drinks Riesling, I stated no one goes to Napa for Riesling. Talk about misinterpret.
I am not a man.
Corkage fees are usually waived if you purchase a bottle. You should know that since you claim to eat in Napa a lot.
Please feel free to have some one check your posts for spelling errors.
@ sarcasatire – Oh. Em. Effing. Gee.
I have pledged my troth to many a person on the TVGasm boards, in the eventuality that MisterBint goes the way of the dodo or leaves me (but c’mon — we all know he got a pretty sweet deal when he married l’il ol’ moi), including a polygamous arrangement with Hypnotoad and a particularly amazing PLL recap he wrote (although I might have to reneg on that given Hypno’s recent admission of The Situation’s frequent appearance in his fantasy life; I think it would be hard to meet Hypno’s eyes over the breakfast table knowing El Schitzuation is in his spank-bank. But I digress.)
Assuming that I haven’t already proposed — I really need to make a spreadsheet or something keeping track of all of my pending romantic entanglements before I embarrass myself — would you be interested in joining the queue? You’d be in 5th place, I think, 4th if I have to break up with Hypno and the über-’cap. Because you, my dear, are absolutely amazeballs.
I second the motion! Responding to KM posts provides a certain je-ne-sais-quoi that I didn’t even know my life was missing, and I would love to hear more about the low/high thermostat settings (goodness knows I’ve never ONCE adjusted the thermostat higher or lower than would produce the maximum comfortable temperature, because I am an entitled, independently wealthy, uneducated, Iowan Christian.)
And we can go to rehab together. There’s a 12 step program for everything these days, I’m sure we can find one that suits our needs.
Keep being awesome.
<3,
SuburBint
@ sheesh, Classy Drunk, sarcas, and SSC — email me at suburbint@gmail.com! I have had an idea and it is absolutely brilliant. Like, one of the top 6 ideas I’ve had in my entire lifetime. But it will need your help & it will be easier if we can get on an email loop to sort the details.
Muwahahaha!
(Why leave one comment when you can leave three and bring us closer to the ever-elusive 200 mark?)
I forgot to mention earlier, I totally dreamed about this thread last night. I need to call my therapist.
@Suburbint: I accept, I accept!! This may be the first time I’ve said this, but being 5th is as good as being first. I’ll be in great company!
Sending an email in a few…
@ sarcasatire – Sweet! I’ll be sure to put you on the list, and will let you know ASAP if your position in line changes for any reason.
Oh, and if you wanna make it official, my favorite ring pop flavor is cherry.
You guys, congrats are in order!
Cherry it is. Where shall we register? B&N? Pottery Barn?
Dear Sarcasm- Fool-do you really think I’ve “shared” a thing so personal I wouldn’t say it to make the bag boy laugh? Damn you’re easy. No secrets have been revealed from this side-Rothflmao.
Km…outside of Olbermann and story telling is there anything that you DO like?
Definitely B & N! I haven’t had a first hand book in ages. As much as I love a tattered paperback, cracked spines just won’t do on our bridal bookshelf.
@ sarcas — B&N it is.
I’m not sure how to feel about the fact the KM has never nicknameified my handle. Perhaps she thinks that associating oneself willingly with the ‘burbs is humiliation enough….
Labrat-correction “a lot” = 4 days a year i.e. 2012/ 2010/2009/2008. A lot. Right. Got it.
So-amazingly-the same amount of times I’ve been to Mcdonald”s. The corkage fee is never charge unless you bring in your own bottle -of course. But in wine country,people do it all the time. If I were really wealthy,I’d love to walk into a restaurant and have them open a bottle of Henry’s Hefeweizen.
Sooo Sorry Labrat-It’s hard to type 2 hr.s after you forgot your meds and 1/2 after your take them- and any time they’re changed,or upped or all of the above. O damnDhl
Just popping in to point out that if we all do our part, we can reach 200 by bedtime tonight.
Poor Nads. If she gets e-mail notification every time someone posts a comment on something she’s written, she has probably unsubscribed herself from this thread by now. Well, either that or she has developed an unsightly eye-twitch every time her “you’ve got mail” notification sounds.
Classy chassy-I love almost everything-but telling you that would spoil my image.
Some trolls are extraordinarily interesting because–as the thread lengthens and more people feed the troll–you can actually watch The Crazy grow. The trolls posts get longer, more disjointed, and megalomaniacal. Cool detachment is very difficult to maintain.
James T. Kirk is from Iowa. ‘Nuff said.
So not true Disturb. I live in a Weeds development.
Hooray! My moniker has been tinkered with in a slightly-derogatory fashion, and I have concrete proof that my post was actually read and responded to contextually! I’ll be able to sleep tonight after all!
Yay!! I’m happy for you, Distu- ,er, Suburbint. And for you also, KM, for what was your first coherent post on this thread.
just doing my part to get to 200, and to thank labrador for the wine recommendation, found some tonight, and it was the closest i’ve come to mimicking what i originally had. thanks!
Just checkin’ in. Glad to see you here NWMTV ’cause in another post you mentioned that some people want attention no matter how negative.
May I present the lovely, the loved, the completely demented KartofflMuter, whose name really does mean (although misspelled) Potato Mother in German. And, yes, you explained how nurturing you are, hence the name.
If her husband, kids, and friends all lavish such love and attention upon her ass, why is she here being a complete attention-whore for our amusement?
I am so disappointed that we are not at 200 yet.
SuperiorB, high rent in the ‘burbs, BTW, I’ll join you for the fun. Writing to ya now.
mmmmmmmmmmmmwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Disturbo- It takes so little to calm the messes. I hear and -Meh.
My aim is to tease?
C’mon guys! Only 25 more comments to go!
New topic: famous Iowans throughout history. Fictional characters do count. Thus far we’ve had Tim Horton and James T. Kirk mentioned. My nominee is the late, the great, Bix Biederbecke, jazz musician of the 1920′s and a Davenport native.
Next?
Now that I’ve wasted the last hour wading thru this mess and KM’s incoherent ramblings and in desperate need of a glass of wine I feel compelled to do my part and post and help this thread get closer to 200.
Man I love the ‘Gasmi!
Holy Labia, Gamii this thread is out of it’s tits!
@ mere2142 — Don’t look at it as a wasted hour, look at it as a fascinating sociological study.
@ Gypsy — Well, you know, it’s all about the COCK!!!!!
@ KM — I haven’t seen so much wordplay since Jason Mraz. I wonder what ever happened to him?
I told you once before,(In my very own demented way,lol) Not a Sherlock in the Bunch-is there? I’ve told you nothing about my real life although I left at least 12 hints. I have some serious remonstration to give to Hyderabad I’m sure that will eat up most of the day and my blood pressure. I’d flog them in broken Hindi ,but
they speak Telugu. We’ve already established they only pretend to speak English. But they sure have ONE sentence down! “Thank you for your patience. We will most assuredly get back to you in 24 -48 hours.”
Fuck.
Your kind words are-by comparison- kind words. I won’t say what kind of words,but compared to the ongoing dreck-a momentary diversion. And then there’s my little Indian on the ledge in Chicago. But none of these are
what I do or what I love. Merde. I urge everyone to read more carefully-not me–no-too late.but everything.
You’re skimming and missing subtext. As for Indian food,the best pairing is really beer. Riesling will do,but and nice weight beer,medium dark, is ideal,in a pilsner. It’s what they serve in India as well. They’ve come a long way in 40 years and have started producing their own semi decent wines and beers-the Punjabis of course-always the Punjabis.They do have a narcotic drink called bhang served at Holi with hashish in it and some raw alcohol drinks in Goa that tourists mistake for lemonade that’s fermented coconut-but,now they are breaking into the regular market because they hate importing from outsiders.
Oy-I really hate Hyderabad.
(It puts the lotion in the basket or it gets the hose again.)
Good morning. My ears were ringing last night and now I know why.
Michkabibbles glad I could help.
Famous Iowans? Hmmm you gave us John Wayne the actor, but also John Wayne Gacy the serial killer.
Disturbo- Jason M got married-I assume he’s still writing and lounging.
Jebus Christmas in Iowa. She is STILL blathering?!?
Do you get anything right? “It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again”
I’d be utterly frightened if I gleamed one iota of knowledge from your posts.
I like steak frys and ketchup!
We are neither bad at reading, skimming, or missing subtext. It’s just that most of us got tired of playing the “decipher what I’m talking about while I drop hints and make myself out to be all mysterious” game at some point in high school. I can’t speak for every one here, but if I want people to know something, I find it easier to simply tell them, rather than making them work towards the goal of figuring out that shred of knowledge. I find it highly amusing that you have accused us (as a group) of being poor listeners or not paying adequate attention to what you say when your responses to our posts rarely if ever actually pertain to what we had to say.
“Not a Sherlock in the Bunch-is there?” — it’s comments like these that make your posts come across as condescending and rude. It’s not that we’re incapable of figuring out what you’re talking about (okay, sometimes we are, but that’s because you really don’t make sense about half the time) it’s that we have better things to do than spend an hour over each separate post with a codex and an atlas and a large poster board on which we can use string in order to connect recurring themes and see how various tidbits from your posts intersect. But again, if this is how you get your jollies, more power to you. If you’re going to be rude, we’re going to get defensive. If you’re going to playing games, we’re going to laugh and shake our heads and move on with our more transparent relationships because you’ve given us no reason to want to dig deeply enough to glean whatever tidbits of truth you have so cleverly secreted away.
In all honesty, sixteen-year-old me would have found you fascinating and mysterious and someone to be emulated. I was big on the whole “drop clues, and if someone is really worthy of knowing you, they’ll figure them out” thing back then. But I have since moved on. Much to my surprise, I have become a person who for some reason actually cares about getting this comment thread to 200 posts, just to see if it can be done. It’s the little things.
“I told you once before,(In my very own demented way,lol) Not a Sherlock in the Bunch-is there? I’ve told you nothing about my real life although I left at least 12 hints.”
How wrong you are about there not being a Sherlock in the bunch. I think everyone has correctly deduced that you are a lying, trolling attention whore.
JESUS JUGS!
MUTER FUGGER!!!!
Don’t Hassle the Hoff!
Well, KM, I will freely admit that I didn’t get your reference to a 20-year-old movie that I really didn’t care for in the first place. I can’t speak for anyone else, but you have shamed me.
Crankyguy I’ve only seen the movie once, but that phrase is repeated ad nauseam one would think Queenie should have gotten it right in the first place.
“KoM is a crazy blogger and a uselesss TROLLLLLLLLLLLL!”
@ sarcassy — email me, boo! You too, Gypsy! Just waiting on you guys and then my secret awesome plan of awesomeness can be set in motion (or shot down, either way.)
@ Gypsy — She is NOT a useless troll. Just look at the spirit of community that her posts foster here at the ‘Gasm! She brings us all closer together, and I for one am appreciative of the end result. That is very useful; one might even go so far as to say philanthropic.
Are we now just yelling for the sake of yelling?!?!!?
SuperB, hopefully soon she’ll just be someone we all used to knoooooooooooooow!
Yes noble are we indeed. I watched this thread late into the night. Twitter ablaze, I couldn’t sleep yet I couldn’t read past the first 5 words in any of KoM’s posts.
Sarcastaire did some amazing work late in the day yesterday, I wasn enthralled, hanging on every syllable, it was sheer poetry.
I might pop the bottle of Vueve if we hit 200 and it’s KoM!
This shit is PRICELESS!
YES MADME CLASSY, WE ARE!
*raises hand* I solemly swear to ignore all troll posts for the sake of my humanity. *lowers hand*
Oh, and I want to have Ted Levines children.
COCK!!!!
Oh snap
50 SHADES OF IOWA COCK!
I think that’s a photo finsh tie SuperB & Sheesh! LOVE IT!
COCK FOR ALL AND ALL FOR COCK!
COCK!!
@Gypsy THANKS FOR TELLING MEEEEEE!!!
Will we have Vueve Rose or the regular one? I am fine with either.
Surburbint, you did it!!! Not only did you school Muter Fugger (cranky’s words) on several levels throughout this thread, you found a new lovah, launched a secret, awesome plan, and earned the coolest nickname of the bunch.
SuperB, you won the internets!
I always wanted to win the internets! Oh frabjous day! Callooh! Callay! And yes, I am chortling in my joy.
No Rose but, I do have some chambord if you want a Kir Royale Classy.
Congrats SuperB!
SOLD!!!!! For that I will NOT call it champs.
Oh superB, I’m soooooooo happy for you.
See what happens when ya don’t check in for a while?
Wuz a leetle concerned that the coveted two century would go to….
No, no. Let’s not be a pessimist.
COCK!!!!!!!
Back at it luvs.
Awww, shucks, thanks Gypsy. What can I say…KoM inspires me to be my best.
And I love a Kir Royal. it used to be my go to drink when I went out. One time though, the place didn’t have chambord and made me settle for cassis. I called that one a Near Royal.
Riesling for all
All hail Lord Cranky- I really don’t care either. But when I quote,I always take the time to make sure the quote is correct. Otherwise-what’s the point? So pounce on me for my dementia which my mother and father-in-law died of-really not cool. I thank you for being a gentleman,if that was indeed your intent. And now,back to Pochampally,the little buggers.
(I freely admit I left the gratuitous F word out-but since I was qouting C.Ferguson,I’d have had to sub in Tootsie Frootsies in any case.)
Gypper-You-sir/madam or both? Sully the name Gypsy by your very existence.Phui
“So pounce on me for my dementia which my mother and father-in-law died of-really not cool.”
Wah wah wah oh poor me. Can’t take the heat, get the hell out of the kitchen? But dementia explains a lot about your posts.
A gentleman, KM? You don’t understand me at all. In middle school, one of my teachers stuck her gnarled index finger in young crankyguy’s face and said, “You are RUDE, and you are CRUDE!” She understood me.
You just keep confirming my opinion of you . I -nevermind-you’ll find out.
LabRat
@ KM, was that for me? Was it? Huh?
Oh for Pete’s sake, the quotes are, “It puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again,” and “It puts the lotion in the basket. It puts the lotion in the basket. Put the fucking lotion in the basket!!!” So it was not quoted correctly, as the YouTube clip demonstrates.
Are we going for 300 now?
My bad, that should be “rubs the lotion” not “puts the lotion” for the first quote.
@ crankyguy — I believe Labrat is the loving appellation bestowed upon labowner, and that particular post was in re: the Riesling comment (#214.)
I prefer to see the best in life,even though I spend the day staring at a dead tree. It’s a beautiful dead tree. The birds love it. Last week I counted 18 at once.But others see-a dead tree . And when I save my house,I will replace it with a live tree and make a broom from its branches and a cane from its trunk.It’s a wonderful tree!
“Look at that boulder. That’s a niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice boulder.”
“I prefer to see the best in life”
really? because all of your comments seem to be filled with condescension, anger, ridicule, derision, pity and contempt for nearly everyone here.
i do not think that phrase means what you think it means.
@ SuburBint #220 — Damn, that looks bad for me after I essentially claimed to KM this morning that I am too a Sherlock.
I decided I wanted to play to KM game, so I found a random word generator and came up with something truly amazing.
I was watching the flag blow in the non-existent wind and realized my mistake in coming to Egypt. You can’t ski here, but there is good toffee in Turkey. Too bad I had to bribe someone for ketchup. I did work for an hour but needed aspirin for there is no justice. In a minute I am going to listen to a band playing in the fountain.
Whoa. I feel like maybe I need to have dementia in order to understand this thread! I can’t believe I just read through this whole comment trail. Now my brain hurts and I’m fighting the urge to suck my thumb! Mommy!
@Razzbeth you are truly talented.
@Razzbeth, you’re my newest hero.
@razzbeth-that was awesome, your generator just needs to mention more masters degrees.
@pottymouth-i always feel like i have dementia when i’m done reading KM’s posts. but i just can’t seem to quit her.
Ishk- Spank your inner monkey-Read between the lines-even if there aren’t any-As soon as I finish this onslaught,I have 2 brief final comments (quotes) and you can find your next side show carnival act.
So you’re saying this is the 3rd submission to our 50 shades?!?!!? Yippie!!!
@km-I have neither the time nor the inclination to figure out your meanings and hidden meanings and hints and clues and lines and no lines and anything that might be in between or behind them. you’re not a mysterious cypher, you’re just a rambling coot.
At least lab rats are useful. Sorry KM, but you can’t quit us.
Razzbeth that was great.
Damn you, Razzbeth. Now I am going to have to spend hours and hours pouring over your post to try and figure out the deep hidden meaning.
Sully the name Gypsy by my very existence?
Oh dear that might have MMD but not quite. Time for a Near Royale eh, Classy.
I will go for the good stuff if this shit hits 250 with K0M going h a m on comment 250.
Now Mutter, are you on acid or meth? Tell us, inquiring minds want to know.
@ RazzBeth — You are my internet hero today. That was absolutely amazing.
@Razzy I bow to your superior dementia! Who mew it could become a new art form or forum for ‘em?
Wanted to write “who knew” but I am so wound up in a skein of words that I decided it fit purrrrrfectly.
Nap time.
@Gypsy, 15 minutes until quittin time and Royale time it will be. Maybe KM is on bath salts. It’s all the rage….literally
Razzbeth, that’s it! KM is playing Mad Libs!
Mystery solved… lol. (great post, btw.)
IOWA
Mad Libs! That’s what they are called. I tried to remember but with my dementia… I shouldn’t make fun of it since 5 people in my family have died of dementia/Alzheimers, but they didn’t have degrees. They did still manage to put their children through college and leave them a tidy sum as inheritances, though.
@ Classy…on Bath Salts, YES!
Are we saying KM is Alfred E. Newman?
Hey-fuck off-The first time I saw a “NIXON FOR PRESIDENT” poster on the main drag in Milwaukee-I thought it WAS a Mad Lib. And as it turned out-I was right.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.
Ask and yes shall recieve.
Champs at 250 but AEN needs to hit it.
I want my Nixon back and I want him now. Have you ever listened to one of his speeches? Pure poetry. When his father was dying and he was talking about the state of health care in America and how he was lucky enough to be able to afford the finest 2nd opinons or anything else he needed for his father but still felt utterly helpless,and how much he could relate to the common American who wasn’t as lucky as he was,it was a momment worth writing down on a scrap of paper. Whether you have an aging parent or not,this should resound in your heart. We are all either in that position, will be in that position,or will be the victims ourselves of the dilemna. Nixon always showed wit and compassion and gentle understanding. He’d the brother or uncle you’d give yourself if you could. We need him back in the White House. Now. Except that he’s dead; that’s a problem.
Now KM, do you pronounce Milwaukee like Alice Cooper does in Wayne’s World? Just curious.
Ah, but didn’t they have Nixon’s head preserved on an episode of Futurama? Perhaps they really do have it stashed somewhere and we can really have a talking head for President!
Hmmmm…….methinks you guys just like to say cock. Who do you think you are? A HW??
And the winner is…
Meeeeee! Near Royale COCK!
That sentence is hilarioius!
Yay Sheesh!
Congrats Sheesh!!! It’s about time!
Now I present..
My victoy dance!
Shuffle left shuffle right. Spin! Bump debump unh unh. Michael Jackson moonwalk. Jump up and end with The WORM! Now robot. Take arm out to the left…oh no…now it’s coming back.
annnnnddd Run DMC pose!
It only took her three days to cave and come back.
Cranky did someone steal and retell that story recently or did you attribute it to Nixon?
You forgot the top rock!!! We went over this dance 50 times last night Sheesh. SMH…
@labowner, you caught me. I blatantly plagiarized KM’s tribute to Olbermann at the top of this very thread. I hope she doesn’t sue me.
Classy…I’m doing it now! Stevie Wonder is on!
I can’t believe this thread is still trucking along.
Sheesh, that victory dance was hilarious! I’m bopping in my chair visualizing you breaking it down in front of me.
@crankyguy, well played, sir. Well played.
I thought it read as familiar Cranky. Thanks. We can counter-sue for emotional distress.
Good lord. I apparently commented on this thread early on and my curiosity brought me back through a mention in another one. I could only get through half the comments before I just gave up and scrolled, but I’m fairly certain everyone who continues to rise to the occasion with KM will continue to be the butt of his/her private joke.
Judgy wudgy-what ever are you talking about? I’m on the side of suicide-ok? Got it? Been there. Done that. More than once. I don’t care who finds me,I’ll just keep trying. I’m no quitter. Pro-euthanasia.Am I making myself plain? Right to die.People should have to prove they’re actually loved ones in court. If they can’t make their case,they lose,I win.Or rather-I was right all along.
Now bugger off.
Sayonara
By the Hammer of Thor! We might get this old gal (the thread, not any of the posters) to 300 after all!