RHONJ: Cafface, Fatface, Manzosplace

Watercooler

By Flipit | Friday, August 24, 2012 | 2:00 pm | 19 Comments
Posted in: Watercooler

Lauren Manzo has finally gone to work! She’s put a crap load of makeup all over tables and had her cousin Asslee come in to film a really long video. You get to see clutter, watch Lauren close her silent drawers, and marvel at the plastic chandelier she put together with the help of her mom.

It gets classy around the five minute mark, where Lauren showcases a product called Poop-pourri, a spray for your poop. Wow. I can see the lines forming outside the store already. Jesus.

Sounds almost as appetizing as black water. Don’t need a Jersey makeover? There’s not only tacky makeup and poop products, there are fug Jersey dresses and plastic jewelry thrown all over the place in another room. This looks like an out of control lower middle class girl’s dorm.

Lauren’s personality really shines in this video. Well, not really. The sound of the fan on my desk is more interesting, but I will say that Lauren’s skin does look really nice. I’m trying to be a nicer person. Did it work? 

 

 

 

Flipit
About

Currently, Flipit's writing Real Housewives of Beverly Hills recaps, which you can find here. You can also find him doing a gossip segment twice a week called BS of the Day and video recaps of Project Runway All Stars, as well as spoof ReDubs of the coming soon trailers at the end of RHOBH!

Ronnie Karam has been with TVgasm since 2006 , which has given him the opportunity to make fun of hundreds of TV's most loved and hated reality whores. His plan in life was to be Julia Roberts but that plan was stolen by, well, Julia Roberts. He'll get you one day, JULIA ROBERTS!! When not making himself giggle for the gasm, Ronnie performs improv and sketch comedy at IO West in Hollywood a couple of times weekly while using the lovely California days to audition for commercial roles such as "ADORABLE MEXICAN UNCLE". Seriously. He would like to thank Jesus, Buddha and Xenu for the blessings they've bestowed. The writers here are the best around, and he's honored to be associated with them. Find video archives at CankleTV.com, or follow on Twitter @flipit

19 Comments

  1. 1
    Bobbi
    Posted August 24, 2012 at 2:10 pm

    Can’t believe I watched the whole thing. Ashlee needs lessons in taking video’s this was entirely too fast. If your office is a mess you make no mention of it and just pass by it. Remember Lauren said her shit doesn’t smell….LOL Nothing seemed in order. To me the shop was just a total dissaray. I may just take a ride next week and look around.

  2. 2
    sheesh sheesh
    Posted August 24, 2012 at 2:39 pm

    Another Manzo success!
    Blech.

  3. 3
    tvsnarkeling
    Posted August 24, 2012 at 2:44 pm

    I watch it too. I secretly root for Lauren because of the way the family treats her. I can totally relate to her about the family favoring the boys that can do no wrong and a girl that takes shit from everyone.

    I thought the store was all over the place. Too much going on for one small store. Make-up, jewerly, clothes and a lot of crappy stuff. I hope her mom is not too much involve in the store because if she fails, mommy dearest will come out and point out to all who will listen Lauren’s errors.

  4. 4
    Stephanie
    Posted August 24, 2012 at 2:50 pm

    I am at 3:57. I count 4,00 utterances of “um” so far. Toastmaters. Look into it.
    Poop stuff is st00pid and nasty.
    Skin looks nice.
    Hair is better.
    Asslee is a bad camera person.
    Store looks like Target and Sephora had an affair with Payless Shoe Source.
    Best of luck to Lauren. That’s a lot of product to hawk to those Jersey ladies.

  5. 5
    Nancy
    Posted August 24, 2012 at 3:11 pm

    OMG This is 9 minutes, could only watch less than 1 minute! Poor Mama M will loose a ton of money with this venture!

  6. 6
    hot cawfee
    Posted August 24, 2012 at 3:16 pm

    Its kind of like a Spencers Gifts meets CVS make-up section

    Yes- truly another manzo success story!!!! Is there enough room for Brownstone Sauce and Tiny’s book?????

  7. 7
    hot cawfee
    Posted August 24, 2012 at 3:18 pm

    I tapped out at 56 seconds—-her skin looks much better as does her hair. Am noticing no engagement ring

  8. 8
    NatPatBen
    Posted August 24, 2012 at 6:55 pm

    @Stephanie: Yay for the Toastmasters reference!

  9. 9
    Rebecca
    Posted August 25, 2012 at 8:57 am

    Cant view the video on my phone :( but wanted to commment that poop pourri (sp) has been a product on QVC – they just had it on recently during the xmas in july weekend – with new xmas smells. I was LMAO but the damned thing sold out in minutes! Tells u what I know- Anyways i couldnt view the video but hope she is not trying to say its her familys creation?

  10. 10
    Jane and Blanche Jane and Blanche
    Posted August 25, 2012 at 1:57 pm

    Christ! This store has A.D.D!!! Wtf?! and how many favorite things can a person have in a store?…nice to know she’s just as shallow and boring here as she is on housewives.

  11. 11
    She Stinks!
    Posted August 25, 2012 at 4:16 pm

    This ‘business’ will go under in less than 3 months. Who would go there and buy this garbage when you can buy it online, go to Sephora or some other lovely store. The chandelier looks like its from the Ikea ‘as is’ section. That Caroline Manzo’s ego is all over this place. Instead of spending money on this nonsense, why not make them go to college and actually learn how to do something?

  12. 12
    Zatanna
    Posted August 25, 2012 at 9:17 pm

    You really look like a professional business owner when you are discussing a line you carry in the store and in regard to the name, you say that you don’t know how to ‘say it’. Srsly wtf.

  13. 13
    Derek Hazelton
    Posted August 25, 2012 at 11:25 pm

    Did anyone else get the feeling that Lauren needs Tabatha to take over Cafface?

  14. 14
    Iona Trailer
    Posted August 26, 2012 at 7:21 am

    She’s thinner but probably still the same miserable bitch.

    Nice to see all of Caroline’s money at work.

  15. 15
    hot cawfee
    Posted August 26, 2012 at 7:54 am

    ok– gave it another go–made it to 4 minutes–my nails were drying. I am with you on that Derek– Tabitha is on her way— Coff-face !!!!!! She totally rocks and I want to see her bitch-slap Lapband.

  16. 16
    Adelefig
    Posted August 26, 2012 at 9:53 am

    Someone please tell me what poop pouri is?? I tried to make it through the video but couldn’t. is it like an air freshener or do you actually put it on your poo!?!?!

  17. 17
    annie Annie
    Posted August 26, 2012 at 4:52 pm

    I dunno, I like she’s giving it the ol’ Manzo try by opening up her own place……but Im confused.
    She has 4 different things under one roof that dont really go together. When you’re spray tanning you dont wanna get out of the booth to see a bunch of strangers shopping in front of you…and if you are getting your makeup done, you don’t want to see people going in and out of the spray tan place in their bikini’s.

    I also could have done without the running commentary of how shitty her nails looked, how she got the shitty clothing racks from Marshall’s, how her mom was pissed about that jewelry thing, and how cool the cabinet doors are.

  18. 18
    Closet Fan
    Posted August 27, 2012 at 6:13 am

    Yes for Tabitha. Great idea :)

  19. 19
    apple.juice
    Posted October 2, 2012 at 6:51 pm

    seriously! this is the shittiest idea ever, and no amount of poop-ouri could cover that stench up. really, when you’re trying to establish a successful business, you probably don’t want to talk about what a fucking mess you are (which is true — she is!). also, when trying to convey beauty and sophistication you don’t want to talk about how cheap you are! this is a mess, i kind of can’t wait until next season (if they’re on next season) to see what a bust this turns out to be!

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