Ryan Lochte Wants A Lot of $$$ To Be The Next Bachelor

Watercooler

By Nads | Tuesday, August 21, 2012 | 2:46 pm | 16 Comments
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Posted in: Watercooler

Ryan Lochte and his team have asked ABC for $750,000 to be the next Bachelor. A “source” told Radar, “Ryan’s agents are getting besieged with offers and deals, everything from The Bachelor, his own reality show, and some overseas movies…Ryan is acutely aware that he has to attach himself to the right projects and endorsements that won’t do damage to his all American image. As much as he’d like to do it, Ryan does have some reservations about The Bachelor because he wouldn’t have any control on how he is portrayed on the show.”

If I were Ryan I wouldn’t be so worried about how I was portrayed on the show, rather I’d be more worried about not sounding dumb. The dude sounds like Keanu Reevs in Point Break. If anything is going to damage his career is his inability to even count with an abacus. If Ryan does The Bachelor, I wonder if he’ll make the women play his favorite game…”Hide the Snack Pack?”

He can look good all he wants, but all the money in the world isn’t going to buy him IQ. But who cares, right? That’s what duct tape is for!

About

Although comedy is her profession, Nadine has accomplished a lot in her young age. She is a national champion black belt, a world-class soccer player, and an avid snowboarder. She started playing soccer at the age of 4, and continued playing through college where she majored in Biology, but quickly realized her destiny was to tell jokes, not to wear a lab coat. So she decided to be funny while finishing her Bachelors Degree in biology and continued on to get her M.B.A. Nadine’s comedy style is much like her athleticism, fearless. She’s made her way up the comedy ladder very quickly, and has become a club favorite at many of the country’s top comedy clubs, including the Improv chain. Performing in the Boston Comedy Festival and being noted as the “one of the youngest and brightest up and comers” and traveling to the Middle East to entertain the troops are just a few of her notable accomplishments. These days Nadine splits time between the stage, a radio studio, her computer blogging, and a television studio. Nadine’s TV, Radio, Writing credits include: national commercials, talking head roles on E! Entertainment, Showtime’s Hot Tamales Live, The Skinny: Fat Free News, The Sunny Side of The Truth: Real World Hollywood, TVgasm, Zazreport, Daddy’s Girls, Jerseylicious, celebrity interviews on Mania TV, a weekly half-hour television show that syndicates to colleges across the country for National Lampoon and a nightly radio show on XM Satellite Radio.

16 Comments

  1. 1
    chaosbutterfly
    Posted August 21, 2012 at 3:49 pm

    Not duct tape…it’ll ruin his face.
    A discreet pair of earplugs will do just fine though.

    $750,000 is alot though.
    Isn’t the prize supposed to be a new girlfriend?

  2. 2
    captain save-uh-ho
    Posted August 21, 2012 at 5:34 pm

    Ryan has the charisma of a rock. And that’s insulting to the rock. No way this actually happens or they’re desperate.

  3. 3
    JudgyWudgy JudgyWudgy
    Posted August 21, 2012 at 8:09 pm

    I’ve been waiting for someone to swoop in and fill the empty hole left by the aversion to Michael Phelps I have. This is not him.

  4. 4
    captain save-uh-ho
    Posted August 21, 2012 at 9:34 pm

    As one of my fellow coworkers lamented…he is that guy that comes in at the end of a long casting call day and you get overly excited that finally one good looking dude has showed up to save the day. And then he speaks and you have to weep silently to yourself. I am disappoint.
    Also… he’s trying to trademark his phrase “jeah.” Are we serious here? Apparently there’s a rapper who also uses that phrase and they’re battling it out. The rapper is saying it’s all about respect, man.

  5. 5
    chaosbutterfly
    Posted August 21, 2012 at 11:53 pm

    Are we serious here?

    JEAH.

  6. 6
    captain save-uh-ho
    Posted August 22, 2012 at 12:42 am

    How is this even worth trademarking?!!! :) GAH.

    When Chris Harrison asks the ladies if they will accept the rose, it’ll be written in that they have to respond with “jeah” to prove their loyalty.

  7. 7
    Dear Crabby
    Posted August 22, 2012 at 5:19 am

    How much will it cost to make this total douchebag go away? Because I’m thinking of starting a collection.

  8. 8
    lestermaddox
    Posted August 22, 2012 at 8:12 am

    I’ll donate Dear Crabby.

    Mr. “my mom tells reporters I only have one night stands because I don’t have time for a relationship” doesn’t IMO have an All-American image to uphold. Gag.

  9. 9
    pretty in purple
    Posted August 22, 2012 at 8:16 am

    Pass the collection this way

    He couldn’t even give the definition of the word he is trying to trademark. From the looks of it he should trademark the word like, he uses it after every phrase like a preteen girl.

    “It means, like, almost, like, everything,” Lochte said, trying to explain the word’s meaning in a 2009 YouTube video. “Like happy. Like, if you have a good swim, you say, ‘Jeah.’ Like, it’s good. So, I guess … it means good.”

  10. 10
    cosmonala
    Posted August 22, 2012 at 11:15 am

    Never has the phrase, “Shhh, honey, don’t talk. You’re not here for that”, been more applicable.

  11. 11
    Jane and Blanche Jane and Blanche
    Posted August 22, 2012 at 12:32 pm

    What girl would want to get in a hot tub with the guy after he admitted to peeing in the Olympic pool?

  12. 12
    Melissa Wray
    Posted August 22, 2012 at 6:39 pm

    Oh Ryan. Every word you say dissolves any semblance of a ladyboner for you.

  13. 13
    BellicoseBaby
    Posted August 22, 2012 at 10:18 pm

    Agreed, he was so much more handsome an charismatic before he opened his mouth.

  14. 14
    Fan-ann
    Posted August 23, 2012 at 5:00 pm

    Lets’s check his pockets. (get your mind out of the gutter) I think he has a sweet iPhone, condoms, a custom case for his grill, folding money secured in a blinged out money clip, breath mints, and a piece of paper with his name and emergency contact like a child flying unaccompanied. Was he always this dumb? Maybe he chewed thru his earphone wires and received an electrical shock via his grill that shorted out his previous Mensa-like mentality. It could happen.

  15. 15
    happy trails
    Posted August 23, 2012 at 11:00 pm

    +1 to you Fan-ann, I think you nailed Lochte.

  16. 16
    Fan-ann
    Posted August 24, 2012 at 8:40 am

    Please don’t tell my husband.

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