Saddle Ranch Premiere Party

Did you guys watch Saddle Ranch on VH1? I wasn’t too thrilled about this one when I first saw the previews because I am a really old waiter, which makes me super bitter. Where’s my damn reality show? I’ve often found busboy abuse extremely humorous and was super jeal when my idea became a VH1 show without me raking in millions.

Saddle Ranch is a famous bar on the Sunset Strip known for housing more douchebags per square foot than any douechbag watering hole in LA. And that’s saying something. It’s also known for having an electric bull, and it’s really fun to go there and watch drunk chicks having their bachelorette party being thrown to the ground. Schadenfreude and lots of beer. It’s a great place to get drunk and mock people, and turns out it’s the perfect place for a reality show. Delusional characters? Wasted sluts? Super intelligent conversations about current events? Check two out of three.

I was worried that for the TV version they would hire supermodels to work the bar, but they didn’t! The staff is as washed up, desperate, and poor as they are in real life! HOLLER! The first ep centered around the dbag boss being bossy just cuz he could and a super evil bitch bartender with man hands who tortured the new innocent girl just cuz she could. What better way to spend your time waiting for your sitcom featuring girls with manhands than to torture a sweet innocent older lady just trying to make a buck?

The service industry is a cut throat competitive environment where you have to claw your way to the top! OK it’s not at all. It’s a wasteland of broken dreams. Still, though, it’s fun to watch these people take this shit so seriously. I’m in. Here are some pics from last night’s premiere on the strip.

The whitebread cast shot. I really wanted one of the kitchen staff. That’s where the real entertainment is. I still get text messages from the dishwasher at the last restaurant I worked at. They all just say “HOLA GORDITA.”

The problem with semi hot guys in Hollywood is that they are always standing like this. I ordered a beer like twenty minutes ago, semi pretty! CHOPCHOP!

Finally. A semi hot that gave up working out years ago. Thirty percent for you my friend.


Finally! Aretha Franklin’s back! I was wondering how she was gonna pay that mortgage. You know her ass is always late to work.

Saddle Ranch airs Sunday nights on VH1, and will be recapped here by the lovely and talented TMurda.