The Royal Wedding, And Where To Watch

Honestly, I haven’t really cared about The Royal Wedding until it was shoved down my throat. It’s like they’re making us like it….the way my mom used to MAKE me like my vegetables when I was a kid. The media is telling us, “You’re going to watch the Royal Wedding, and you’re going to like it…and you’re not leaving your room until you do.”

So with that said, if you care to watch, the Washington Post put together a nice list of all the coverage, and where to watch the main event.

Cut and Pasted from the Washington Post:

Made Out With the Best Man

Bravo

So many royal wedding commentators — but how many can say they made out with best man Prince Harry? “Real Housewives of D.C.” ’s Cat Ommanney, that’s who! The night before the wedding, at 11 p.m., she joins Bravo programming exec/talk show star Andy Cohen for “Watch What Happens Live: Royal Wedding Spectacular.”

Most Martin Bashir Coverage

MSNBC, 3 a.m. to 11 a.m.

Martin Bashir (you know, the British journalist who famously did those interviews with Michael Jackson that got Jackson into so much trouble and ABC such stupendous ratings) is the reason to watch this network at the supremely early hour of 3 a.m.

Commercial Free Coverage in Proper British Accents

BBC America, 3 a.m. to 8:30 a.m. (WETA and MPT will air the same coverage)

Simulcasting BBC’s official coverage, these are the channels you want to turn to if you actually want to, you know, learn something. BBC reporter Huw Edwards anchors the commentary and all the big scenes of the day.

Most Cheesetastic

E!, 4 a.m. to 9 a.m.

Giuliana Rancic freaks out when George Clooney strolls down a red carpet, so when she’s in the presence of actual royalty, it’s anybody’s bet. Rancic is being joined by a slew of E! reporters and contributor Louise Roe, who you may remember as the host of CW’s creeptastic, and deservedly short-lived, makeover series, “Plain Jane.” E! will then turn things over to the great Joan Rivers, who will judge all the fancy dresses and hats on “Fashion Police: Royal Wedding,” at 10 p.m. along with special guest star Tori Spelling, who, E! insists, has a right to weigh in because she’s “American TV royalty.” Yes, they really do.

TLC, 5 a.m. to 9 a.m.

Staples of the royal wedding: class, elegance and, obviously, Jumbotrons. Silver Spring-based TLC has already been gorging on pre-wedding coverage with royal-themed specials, including a Very Special episode of the antiques-store series “What the Sell?!” that looked at royal lingerie from the Queen Victoria era. TLC will continue to specialize in embracing all things gaudy on The Big Day, when “Say Yes to the Dress” fashion director Randy Fenoli hosts a viewing party in Times Square, where the network will show both pre-wedding coverage and the live ceremony on the ginormous Jumbotron screens.

Most Dishy

ABC, 4 a.m. to 10 a.m.

ABC snagged Newsweek-Daily Beast chief Tina Brown, who penned the controversial “The Diana Chronicles” in 2007 with juicy details of William’s parents’ relationship.

Fox News Channel, 4 a.m. to 8 a.m.

Not to be outdone, Fox News Channel has enlisted the help of Princess Di’s former butler, Paul Burrell. Burrell, you’ll recall, was tried — and acquitted – for allegedly stealing Diana’s possessions, according to multiple press reports at that time. Burrell also wrote a tell-all book spilling lots of alleged secrets about his time with the royal family.

En Espanol

Univision, starting at 3 a.m.

Vme, starting at 5:30 a.m.

Telemundo, starting at 6 a.m.

The Spanish-language networks are all jumping into the fray.

Katie Couric’s Last Hurrah

CBS, 5 a.m. to 9 a.m.

Thanks to the non-news that broke earlier this week, we now officially know this will be the last ginormous event coverage Katie Couric will undertake as anchor of “CBS Evening News.” Co-anchor Erica Hill will be at Buckingham Palace, but this is The Couric Show — she’ll also host the one-hour orgy of informational excess, “The Royal Wedding: Modern Majesty” at 8 p.m. Friday.

Internecine Nuttiness

NBC, 4 a.m. to 10 a.m.

Matt Lauer has one foot out the door. Meredith Vieira has two feet out the door. Ann Curry wants to fill the void where Meredith’s feet were. Watch the whole dysfunctional “Today” family cover the royal wedding — and Brian Williams too! Also, look for a two-hour “insta-documentary” about the wedding day on “Dateline” at 9 p.m. Friday night, reported by Curry.

Keeping Them Honest

CNN, starting at 4 a.m.

Anderson Cooper probably won’t get to wear his trademark on-assignment costume — black T-shirt and black jeans — when he co-anchors CNN’s coverage with Piers Morgan, but we know he’ll keep the royal family honest on Friday.