The Situation Wants To Open A Chain Of Salons

Watercooler

By Nads | Thursday, July 12, 2012 | 4:18 am | 26 Comments
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Posted in: Watercooler

The Situation wants to open a chain of salons called GTL. Yup, that’s going to his next venture now that Jersey Shore is coming to an end and because he has no other skills. The salons will include…you guessed it: Gym, Tan, and Laundry. So what I want to know is, will they drop off their load (of laundry), workout, then get a tan? Or will they do their laundry, tan, then workout? Tough life questions…

If I were him, I’d add a manscaping station at the salon…you know the guidos would be all about public manscaping if they could do their laundry and lift weights at the same time.

About

Although comedy is her profession, Nadine has accomplished a lot in her young age. She is a national champion black belt, a world-class soccer player, and an avid snowboarder. She started playing soccer at the age of 4, and continued playing through college where she majored in Biology, but quickly realized her destiny was to tell jokes, not to wear a lab coat. So she decided to be funny while finishing her Bachelors Degree in biology and continued on to get her M.B.A. Nadine’s comedy style is much like her athleticism, fearless. She’s made her way up the comedy ladder very quickly, and has become a club favorite at many of the country’s top comedy clubs, including the Improv chain. Performing in the Boston Comedy Festival and being noted as the “one of the youngest and brightest up and comers” and traveling to the Middle East to entertain the troops are just a few of her notable accomplishments. These days Nadine splits time between the stage, a radio studio, her computer blogging, and a television studio. Nadine’s TV, Radio, Writing credits include: national commercials, talking head roles on E! Entertainment, Showtime’s Hot Tamales Live, The Skinny: Fat Free News, The Sunny Side of The Truth: Real World Hollywood, TVgasm, Zazreport, Daddy’s Girls, Jerseylicious, celebrity interviews on Mania TV, a weekly half-hour television show that syndicates to colleges across the country for National Lampoon and a nightly radio show on XM Satellite Radio.

26 Comments

  1. 1
    snowshoecat snowshoecat
    Posted July 12, 2012 at 4:46 am

    Oh dear. I just spit out my morning coffee by not reading a crucial letter L in the word public. I simply cannot read the ‘Gasm before fully awake.

  2. 2
    Sugarbush Sugarbush
    Posted July 12, 2012 at 7:24 am

    I totally read “pubic”, too. I had to go back and check for the L after reading your comment.

    I was wondering if the salon would include how to make your abs look like a gaping vagina.

  3. 3
    hot cawfee
    Posted July 12, 2012 at 7:43 am

    bbwwaahhhhaaahhhhhaaaa— actually it was “drop off their load” that had me rolling first—bbwwaahhhaahhhaaahhhaaaaaaaa

    @ 2 Sugar– if Sitch can’t then we know Lapband Lauren Manzo can handle any waxing pf peepee’s and chuki’s!!!!

  4. 4
    Mister_Dangerous
    Posted July 12, 2012 at 8:02 am

    Thanks for the photo of the Situation.

  5. 5
    Nads
    Posted July 12, 2012 at 8:17 am

    Hahahahhahahahaha! Sorry guys, it was public, but I went back and read my post and it sure did look like “pubic”–not a morning word for sure.

  6. 6
    brzysmom12
    Posted July 12, 2012 at 8:36 am

    I fully appreciate muscular chests on men but have never understood WTF is wrong with this idiot? I love 6-packs (but hate beer so yay!) but this isn’t anywhere even a little close to being anything I would ever want to see again! This ain’t right! There is something wrong when it looks like he has overgrown intestines sticking out of his stomach or as sugarbush so accurately described it too!

  7. 7
    BedHeadJen
    Posted July 12, 2012 at 9:15 am

    Sugarbush-Thank you, I will now refer to him as The Abgina.
    Gyms with tanning beds have been around for decades, but adding the laundromat makes The Abgina quite the innovator. Though washing your clothes in a place that requires you to disinfect them after you leave seems counterproductive, the rapid sale of bleach products may fix the worlds economic problems.

  8. 8
    snowshoecat snowshoecat
    Posted July 12, 2012 at 9:23 am

    I can’t decide whether I like Abgina or Gaping Vagina better, although the latter would be a perfect name for either a metal band revival or a bodice ripper.

    Thank you, sugarB.

  9. 9
    BedHeadJen
    Posted July 12, 2012 at 10:04 am

    An abgina can only be obtained by a man who masters the art of the crunch/kegel exercise combo.

    SSC, while abgina is more of anytime word, I think Gaping Vagina is a perfect name for the next VH1 Supergroup!
    Now they can eliminate the painful to watch episode where they try to agree on a name, and replace it with a bonus hour of Sebastian Bach saying “mothertruckin” in different accents.

  10. 10
    sardini
    Posted July 12, 2012 at 2:05 pm

    I don’t know, maybe in 2008?

  11. 11
    Hypnotoad Hypnotoad
    Posted July 12, 2012 at 10:54 pm

    I am going to admit something that many of you will most likely find quite disturbing: Perhaps because I have never seen even a minute — nay, half a minute, even — of “Jersey Shore,” I find Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino very effing attractive and would welcome him “opening” something in “my neighborhood.” If you know what I mean. There. I’ve said it, I can’t take it back, and I won’t.

    I have read articles and such that claim he is a douchebag of the utmost degree and I still stand by my claim. Maybe I don’t watch Jersey Shore mainly to keep this illusion of hotness alive. I don’t know. All I know is that I would do him nice and good. Nice. And. Good.

    Carry on.

  12. 12
    snowshoecat snowshoecat
    Posted July 13, 2012 at 6:34 am

    @Hypno, you keep that dream aliiiiive, girl! It is indeed a fantasy, and we do need our fantasies. I watched the first couple of seasons the way I might watch a stock car race– for the crashes. Then it simply became too much.

    At first, and I do mean at first, he was cute in a quirky sort of way with that lopsided grin. You just want to look at old pictures before the drink and drugs and the self-awareness took over.

    I once fell in love with an actor in an old movie until I saw a current picture and realized that my dad looked better and they were the same age. Keep the fantasy.

  13. 13
    hot cawfee
    Posted July 13, 2012 at 8:23 am

    @ 11 Hypno– Jeebers…well…I guess admitting something is a something half solved right???
    And Mike can cook–so there ya go.

  14. 14
    snowshoecat snowshoecat
    Posted July 13, 2012 at 9:01 am

    OMG, Hotsy, she has a crush. She doesn’t want to LIVE with him! Ewwwwwwww.

    Um, you don’t, do you hypo?

  15. 15
    snowshoecat snowshoecat
    Posted July 13, 2012 at 9:02 am

    Ooooops. Hypno. Hotsy scared the N out of me.

  16. 16
    hot cawfee
    Posted July 13, 2012 at 12:44 pm

    making an over-night bag to take to Sitch’s house–packing Hypno some penicillan, alcohol preps (a carton) and clean clothes for the next day. Our Hypno will NOT do the next day walk of shame like Lindsey aka “George Glass”–my goodness!!!!! clothes in a trash bag

  17. 17
    Hypnotoad Hypnotoad
    Posted July 13, 2012 at 7:07 pm

    Hahaha! Oh no, I’m gonna put on his favorite sweatshirt and hand around all day. ALL DAY LONG! Then I’m going to ask him about his feelings. And then I’m going to order sushi to be delivered and make him pay for it.

  18. 18
    Hypnotoad Hypnotoad
    Posted July 13, 2012 at 7:07 pm

    *HANG around all day long.* I hate it when my sparkling wit is ruined by a typo . . .

  19. 19
    snowshoecat snowshoecat
    Posted July 14, 2012 at 4:45 am

    Your typo was hilarious, Hypno, and waaaaaaaaay too appropriate when ya think about it. He’d be a happy boy.

  20. 20
    wcsdancer
    Posted July 16, 2012 at 1:48 pm

    When will his 15 minutes be over??? He skeeves me out. The term “butterface” comes to mind.

  21. 21
    SuburBint
    Posted July 16, 2012 at 2:25 pm

    @ Hypnotoad — As the most recent Jersey Shore recapper, I’m just gobsmacked by your confession. And wounded because you clearly haven’t read my recaps. :-) But mostly shocked and appalled. He’s not a douche bag, he’s a sociopath, much like the current Brawny mascot.

  22. 22
    Hypnotoad Hypnotoad
    Posted July 17, 2012 at 12:44 am

    Oh no! But, but, but . . . I can’t help it. I am ashamed. You have shamed me. Can’t I just fantasize that he’ll do me and then we’ll stay up late in bed talking about Foucault and watching Mystery Science Theater 3000? Can I just have *that*?

    Rowsdower . . . ?

  23. 23
    SuburBint
    Posted July 17, 2012 at 12:59 am

    Sorry, Hypnotoad m’love, but the Sitch would do you, then kick you out of bed and make you sit on the curb while you waited for your taxi to arrive. He’s done it time and time again. Unless your name is Paula, in which case you get to spend the night and don’t have to sit on the curb and wait for your taxi until the sun is up. But he still won’t buy you breakfast.

  24. 24
    Hypnotoad Hypnotoad
    Posted July 17, 2012 at 1:06 am

    I will make him drive me to IHOP. And while he’s eating his rooty tooty fresh ‘n’ fruity, I will steal his car keys. I. WILL. IT. WILL. HAPPEN.

  25. 25
    SuburBint
    Posted July 17, 2012 at 1:08 am

    Would it change your mind if I told you that his (presumably permanently syphilitic) junk is rumored to be abnormally small?

    Sorry, I will stop interfering in your fantasy life. That’s just rude. Keep the dream alive, Hypnotoad!

  26. 26
    Hypnotoad Hypnotoad
    Posted July 17, 2012 at 1:16 am

    I have also heard that rumor. But if his junk is at least bigger than a golf pencil, then god love him, I don’t care.

    Well, I kind of care . . . Wait, “abnormally?” Like, a micro-penis? Whatever, if he throws in a free IHOP breakfast, I don’t care about the size of his junk — count me in.

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