Saturday, Dec. 24
Rocky II (Versus, 5 pm) Underdog Philadelphia fighter Rocky Balboa gets another shot at heavyweight champ Apollo Creed.
Sports Reporter: “Hey, Rock! Doya think ya got brain damage?”
Rocky: “I don’t see any.”
All the Best, All the Worst of 2011 (CNN, 7 pm) 2011 in politics, pop culture, the economy and entertainment.
If the Black-Eyed Peas don’t fall under “Best”… then…
The Sound of Music (ABC, 8 pm) A novitiate leaves her convent and becomes governess to Capt. Von Trapp’s seven children in Austria before World War II.
The nuns go on a sabotage mission against Nazis! Why didn’t anybody tell me about that?
Doctor Who (BBC America, 8 pm) Highlights from the Christmas specials.
More batteries for my sonic screwdriver? None of you put any thought into my gift at all!
World Poker Tour Season IX (Roots Sports Network, 8 pm) Episode: WPT World Championship IX.
Poker? I hardly know her!
The Nerdist: the Year in Review (BBC America, 9 pm) Chris Hardwick counts down the year’s top nerd moments.
Ninety-nine of the 100 moments will be from Comic-Com.
Miracle on 34th Street (Turner Classic Movies) An adwoman’s lawyer boyfriend tries to prove that Macy’s Santa Claus is the real thing.
Dear Santa, please find me a nice short sale with a back yard for Fluffy.
Pitch Black (Showtime Extreme, 9 pm) After crash landing on a distant planet, survivors must fight deadly creatures that come out only at night.
Hang your stocking with care, then watch Vin Diesel blast the shit out of some creepy aliens.
A Christmas Story (TBS, 10 pm) In the 1940s, little Ralphie tries to convince his parents to get him a Red Ryder range-model BB gun for Christmas.
Scut Farkus rides again.
World’s Dumbest Brawlers (TruTV, 9 pm) A fight at a wedding; mascot melee at a game; high-school wrestler takes down the ref.
Please be a gypsy wedding, please be a gypsy wedding…
Sunday, Dec. 25th
It’s Christmas Day. The networks know they can’t compete with the entertainment value of Aunt Sophie getting stewed on eggnog and trying to dance with the Christmas tree. Everything’s a rerun. So have a cookie (or a whole tray), and go wassailing (whatever the heck that is).