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Friday, August 17
Teachers Rock (CBS 8pm) Honoring America’s educators; Carrie Underwood, Dierks Bentley, Fun, Josh Groban and Garth Brooks perform.
The venue will reek of dry erase markers and desperation.
NFL Preseason Football (Fox 8pm) Detroit Lions at Baltimore Ravens
I’m sure the Ravens are named as an homage to erstwhile Baltimore citizen Edgar Allen Poe, but I can’t be bothered to look it up. Can anyone confirm?
20/20 (ABC 9pm) Unconventional and controversial parenting methods include lavish bribes and a dad who became an Internet sensation after deciding to teach his daughter a lesson; people who work with wild animals; animal attacks; the safety of animal parks and zoos.
What is concerning is that people will get more upset about the zoo segment than the parenting.
Extreme Houses (HGTV 9pm) A house built from anodized aluminum that stands out in its Victorian neighborhood; a caboose that is now a home.
It’s not a caboose; it is a terminal train following conveyance, which is the upscale version.
Boss (Starz 9pm) Premiere: A lavish groundbreaking of the modernized O’Hare terminals cements Kane’s legacy; despite his seemingly bright political future, Kane continues to struggle with his disease.
Sometimes (not all the time, because I have other things to think about) it occurs to me that Kelsey Grammer has a very small penis.
Tyler Perry’s For Better or For Worse (TBS 9pm) Leslie does not want to be reminded that she is getting older.
I don’t want to be reminded that Tyler Perry dominates the air waves for several hours each week, so I guess we’re both SOL.
Dateline NBC (NBC 10pm) Detectives find a message written in blood during a murder investigation.
If they’re going to rerun Sherlock episodes, they should at least advertize them properly.
Bull Riding (CBS Sports 10pm) PBR Ford Built Tough Series from San Antonio.
Also sponsored by Skoal and the company that makes those balls people hang off their trailer hitches.
Chasing UFOs (The National Geographic Channel 10pm) The team travels to Mexico to get a firsthand look at a tiny creature of mysterious origin.
They finally found a real live chupacabra!
Say Yes to the Dress (TLC 10pm) Bride Kelly must achieve unparalleled heights of French-inspired decadence and fashion.
She has to, you guys. You don’t want to know what happens if she doesn’t.
What will you be watching tonight?
Have an event or factoid that you’d like to share with the ‘Gasm? Want to draw more people’s attention to your favorite show? Hit me up on Twitter @SuburBint or email me at SuburBint@gmail.com, and I will do my best to hook you up!