Tonight’s Top 10 Shows, Friday, February 10th

Watercooler

Friday, February 10th

Knows healthy cake mix when he sees it.

Shark Tank (ABC, 8 pm) A towel that provides coverage to change out of a swimsuit in public; a sweater and quilt invention; a way to maximize a wine’s life; healthy cake mix for dogs.

Yo. Yo. Yo. Healthy cake mix for dogs, yo? You made that thang your own! A little pitchy, dawg. And I don’t think you’ll ever make a cent, but you still my dawg, yo!

Who Do You Think You Are (NBC, 8 pm) Actress Marisa Tomei travels to Italy to uncover the truth about her great-granddather’s death.

The Tomei family always called him “granddather”.

Need to Know (PBS, 8:30 pm) Candidate Rick Santorum alleges college causes most students to become less religious.

Forgive me, Yaweh. After drinking, smoking, and fornicating into the wee hours of Sunday morning, getting up for church was really challenging.

 Say Yes to the Dress: Atlanta (TLC, 9 pm) One bride’s estranged mother lays a guilt trip; a mother refuses to relent on her love of the ball gown.

Unfortunately, neither mother receives a punch in the babymaker.

Grimm (NBC, 9 pm) Nick’s growing recognition in the creature world becomes a threat to his and Juliette’s safety.

The vampire paparazzi make it almost impossible to hit the clubs on a Saturday night.

Fringe (Fox, 9 pm) Olivia, Peter and Walter face a terrifying Fringe event as they find themselves unable to escape a town.

A quirk in local physics makes steamed milk impossible. As the effects spread, our Side’s lattes are endangered.

 

Aaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyy!

Merlin (Syfy, 9 pm) This action-packed fantasy-drama revisits the saga of King Arthur and his wizard, Merlin, by focusing on the two characters when they were ambitious young men.

I’ve always thought the Arthurian Legend needed to be younger, hipper, and more multi-ethnic.

Portlandia (IFC, 10 pm) The Portland band takes a new member and gains a groupie.

Kevin could have dialed 911, but I think he just wanted to see how the hostage situation would turn out.

Valentines Day Massacre (National Geographic Channel, 10 pm) Johnny Fratto gets guidance and opinions from a team of renowned Chicago gangster experts, about the Massacre. Johnny’s take about what happened on Feb. 14, 1929 will surprise you.

If National Geo has experts, what does it need a fake mobster for?

Emmanuelle’s Supernatural Sexual Activity (Skinemax, 11:30 pm) Emmanuelle enjoys encounters of the erotic kind.

I bet this movie is the closest any of those ghost hunters on Syfy will ever get to the supernatural.

By day, I'm an editor. That means I get a cruel thrill out of identifying the parts of other people's creative projects that suck, and alerting those people to said suckage. Sometimes, I get paid for it. I've been known to lose my appetite after seeing how a Thai menu has folded, spindled, and mutilated the Queen's English. Imagine what TV does to me! I guess that's why I wanted to be a recapper at TVgasm. My friends have heard all of my rants, and they are sick of them. TVgasm is a whole new captive audience! So, let's make a compact, you and I: you agree to read my recaps and take what amusement you can from them, and I agree to put into the print the outrageous observations about the show that you thought, but were too PC to say. Let's share our joyous rage after wasting another perfectly good hour in front of the television.

Oh, and I still believe that Magnum, P.I. was the greatest show on television. Although I have not seen Thomas Magnum fishtail that Ferrari in the opening credits since I was 14. If Magnum, P.I. actually sucked, keep your damn squeal hole shut and don't ruin it for me, OK?

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