Tonight’s Top 10 Shows: Friday, June 29

Friday, June 29

On this date in 1974, Mikhail Baryshnikov defected from the USSR to Canada. Had Canada known of his eventual guest star stint on Sex and the City, they probably would have shipped his ass back to Mother Russia. After all, even Canadians draw the line somewhere.

My Babysitter’s a Vampire (The Disney Channel 8pm) Episode: Welcome Back Dusker

I miss the good old days when, if you left your kid alone with a vampire, you would come back to nothing more than a dessicated corpse and a crippling sense of guilt and loss.

Top 20 Country Countdown (GAC 8pm) Summer Fun on the Lake

Out on the porch the fly strip is waving like a flag in the wind.

Olympic Trials: Gymnastics (NBC 9pm) Women’s competition. From San Jose, California.

When I was a kid, my dad worked as medical support for the 1984 Olympic gymnastic trials, so I got to see Mary Lou Retton compete. I’m pretty sure I was taller than she was, and I was only six.

Celebrity Vacation Homes (HGTV 9pm) Pamela Anderson’s beach home; Jennifer Aniston’s Mexican villa; Barack Obama’s Oahu vacation home.

Of course Pamela Anderson has a house on the beach. I’m fairly certain it’s mandated in the Constitution.

Chasing UFOs (National Geographic Channel 9pm) Premiere: The team investigates reports of strange lights in the skies over two Texas towns.

It’s a hoax. Everbody knows that when the aliens finally come, we won’t have to chase them; they will announce their presence in an undeniable way, and then become our overlords.

Louisiana Lockdown (Animal Planet 10pm) A new inmate to Angola finally meets his grandfather, a prisoner also serving a life sentence; Lt. Col. Slater reconnects with a dying inmate.

This all has so very much to do with animals.

Embarassing Bodies (Discovery Family Health 10pm) Snoring Beauty

That’s what MisterBint calls me! Except he leaves off the “Beauty” bit and surrounds the rest with “Your unearthly” and “kept me awake all night, use a freaking BreatheRight strip, woman!”

Gravity Falls (The Disney Channel 10pm) Premiere: The Legend of the Gobblewonker

Looks like The Disney Channel is catering to a whole new market after the kiddies go to bed.

Insane or Inspired? (SyFy 10pm) Largest creations; a massive guitar-shaped bicycle to the world’s largest handheld yo-yo.

Two things: 1) If your kid says he wants to grow up and design guitar-shaped single-person conveyances when he grows up, there’s really no need to worry about him starving to death in a gutter because, 2) the number of pertinent pictures that come up on a Google image search for “guitar shaped bicycle” is really quite remarkable.

Common Law (USA 10pm) Wes and Travis are tasked with a role-playing exercise in order to stand each other better.

Seriously, every single episode description for this show makes it sound like it’s about couple’s therapy. And to be completely honest with you, I’m starting to think that Wes and Travis aren’t going to make it.

I’m sorry this column is up so late. My MacBook charger has suddenly become schizophrenic and left me with a completely dead computer battery last night, so I tried to get this done on my iPhone, and let me just say that wherever Steve Jobs’ eternal spirit may be residing, it was laughing its ectoplasmy ass off at that little farce.

Have an event or factoid that you’d like to share with the ‘Gasm? Want to draw more people’s attention to your favorite show? Hit me up on Twitter @SuburBint or email me at SuburBint@gmail.com, and I will do my best to hook you up!

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