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Monday, August 27
On this date in 410, the sacking of Rome by the Visigoths ended, largely because the Romans had barricaded themselves inside the city before the Visigoths broke through that they were all too weak to fight back. Also, sending the majority of their military to conquer far off places left the homeland a wee bit indefensible. Silly Romans.
Bachelor Pad (ABC 8pm) The contestants compete in a spelling bee; one-on-one dates include a barn hoedown and a day exploring the Channel Islands; an escalating house rivalry leads to a surprising elimination.
“The word is ‘Syphilis.’ Blakely, you’re up first.” “‘Syphilis.’” S. I.” “BEEP!” *Blakely sits down* “Mike, you’re next.” *Mike approaches with a cocky gleam in his eye* “‘Syphilis.’ S. Y. F.” BEEP!” *Mike is outraged* “What the hell? Syphilis totally has a Y in it!” *Chris Harrison sighs quietly, and thinks longingly about the fifth of whiskey he has stashed in his trailer* “Let’s make this easier on everyone. The word is ‘Clap.’ As in, ‘After I leave the Bachelor Pad, I should go get a prescription for antibiotics in order to treat the Clap.” *Contestants cheer and high-five one another*
Hotel Hell (Fox 8pm) Ramsay visits The Keating Hotel in San Diego in hope of helping the owner turn the business around.
Wait, so the purpose of this show is to improve the hotels’ and make the worthy of staying in? The Keating Hotel is still making my list of Places to Never, Ever, Ever Stay While on Vacation.
The Secret Life of the American Teenager (ABC Family 8pm) Jack remains in the hospital; Ricky discusses the wedding with George.
If I wanted to watch a show about wedding planning, I would spend my afternoons watching reruns of Say Yes to the Dress on TLC.
Love & Hip Hop in Atlanta (VH1 8pm) The cast discusses fights and triumphs.
There, Derek Hazelton! Better late than never.
Stars Earn Stripes (NBC 9pm) The celebrities must retrieve a patrol vehicle that is brought in by air and take out enemy targets; two celebrities face off in a final shootout round.
Luckily, Jessica Fletcher just happened to be visiting the set when it was discovered that one contestant’s gun had been loaded with live ammunition, and his opponent was tragically and unexpectedly killed. But who could have swapped out the bullets? Join us in 1985 for the answer.
Hell’s Kitchen (Fox 9pm) During the dinner service, each contestant gets a chance to direct the others.
This is the episode where Gordon yells at people for not yelling at people. Chefs Scott and Andi will sabotage various dishes going to the pass just like they always to, and the contestants will fail to notice it. Honestly, this show is like Groundhog Day.
The Real Housewives of New York City (Bravo 9pm) Episode: Pirate Booty Call.
Grimm (NBC 10pm) Nick lends his expertise when an old friend of Hank’s asks for help finding his missing daughter.
Meanwhile, Juliette inexplicably falls in love with Renard because of course she does. Magic kiss, blah, blah, blah.