Tonight’s Top 10 Shows: Monday, July 2

Monday, July 2

WalMart turns fifty today, as the very first WalMart store opened on this date in 1962. Freaking WalMart.

The Bachelorette (ABC 8pm) Emily visits Arie, Chris, Jef and Sean in their hometowns.

I can’t wait for her to meet all of Jef’s really good male friends. With whom he plays sports ball. And pub trivia. And occasionally has sex.

Hell’s Kitchen (Fox 8pm) Ramsay challenges the contestants’ creativity by using a slot machine to determine ingredients for their dishes.

Not nearly as exciting as finding out what ingredients they’re using based on which greased pigs they’ve been able to catch.

South Park (Comedy Central 8:30pm) Helen Keller: The Musical

The “Water, Helen! Water!” song will now be stuck in my head for the next 48 hours, and that’s just from seeing this episode on the listings for tonight.

MasterChef (Fox 9pm) The contestants are divided into three teams for a food truck challenge; the challenge losers face a pressure test.

I would love to see the Los Angeles County Health Department’s records regarding food poisoning incidents for the week following the food truck challenge.

Gene Simmons Family Jewels (A&E 9pm) Gene and Shannon return home from their African vacation but soon come to blows over the adoption issue.

So either they’re going to fight about it or Shannon is going to fellate her way to a new little Simmons.

Top Gear (BBC America 9pm) Tribute to Jaguar; Boris Johnson is “The Star in a Reasonably Priced Car.”

Yeah. Cos I’m sure he’s driving a Kia.

The Real Housewives of New York City (Bravo 9pm) Episode: The Cool Girls

… are no where to be found on this show.

American Pickers (The History Channel 9pm) A mysterious wooden box captures Mike’s attention; a man reveals his most valuable items are buried underground.

But did they find the Precious?

Eureka (SyFy 9pm) Episode: Mirror Mirror

Hopefully the lack of episode details doesn’t mean that they’re going to spring Julia Roberts on the unsuspecting viewers.

Four Houses (TLC 10pm) Premiere: A classic Princeton manor; a cliff-side townhouse; European lodge; a provocative mansion in the woods.

Do they get together for coffee and discuss politics or something? I don’t understand what this show is supposed to be about.

What will you be watching tonight?

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