Monday, July 23
How I Met Your Mother character Robin Sherbatzky (aka Robin Sparkles) would be celebrating her 32nd birthday today, if she were a real person. Which she isn’t. I’m 99.3% sure.
Bachelor Pad (ABC 8pm) Premiere: Five super fans join memorable characters the “Bachelor” franchise at the mansion; the men and women couple up for a group challenge in which they must keep each other from falling out of tilting hearts suspended above the ground.
I’m having a hard time choosing which part of this is the saddest, but I think “five super fans” is winning by a nose.
Hell’s Kitchen (Fox 8pm) Ramsay challenges the chefs to put a gourmet spin on classic Southern dishes.
The previews for this episode are indicating that Kimmie, who talks about Southern cooking every 4 minutes, is going to crash and burn on this challenge.
Wild Justice (National Geographic Channel 8pm) Episode: Fish and Meth
And that, kids, is why we don’t give meth to fish.
American Ninja Warrior (NBC 9pm) Finale: The top finishers compete on a four stage course in Las Vegas.
Final challenge: climb the stratosphere without safety equipment and jump inside the roller coaster while it is in motion.
MasterChef (Fox 9pm) Eight previously eliminated contestants return to compete for a chance to rejoin the competition.
If Tali worms his way into the contest, the last sliver of faith that I have in humanity will shrivel and die. And before you say, “Tali is a raging idiot, there’s no way that he can get back in,” let me just remind you that he is basically a cross between Van Gogh and Jesus Christ. (Comment #7. Seriously.)
Market Warriors (PBS 9pm) The pickers visit the 60-vendor Phila Flea Market in Philadelphia in search of costume jewelry.
For Fred Willard’s penis.
Warehouse 13 (SyFy 9pm) Premiere: The team’s only hope is racing to the other side of the Earth to hunt down an obscure and dangerous artifact.
That’s certainly never happened before on this show.
Glass House (ABC 10pm) Following the elimination, the contestants play a game in which each team has to solve picture puzzles; two contestants find themselves in limbo.
Rather than being placed “in limbo,” I think the contestants should have to limbo in order to determine who gets sent home.
How low can you go?
Bad Girls Club: Mexico (Oxygen 10pm) Meghan’s lingerie themed birthday party forces the girls to put their differences aside.
Nothing makes girls bond faster than prancing around in naughty underwear. Because life is just like porn.
Push Girls (The Sundance Channel 10pm) Tiphany’s high school reunion falls on the anniversary of her accident; Mia questions her ability to win.
I don’t get Sundance, so I haven’t seen this show, but I have heard only good things about it and would love to hear what any of you who may have seen it think.
What will you be watching tonight?
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