On this day in 1976 – Barbara Walters became first female nightly network news anchor. There have been many since, but not one has given as many boners. Atta girl!
Veep (HBO 10 PM): A new show about a dumbass Vice President.
Julia Lous-Dreyfus comes back to TV. Again. Most likely playing a version of Elaine that wears a suit. Good on her for finding a network not dependent on ratings. They could have just saved some money and followed Biden around. That guy is gold.
Once Upon a Time (ABC 8 PM): Regina is confronted about her involvement in Kathryn’s disappearance.
Meh. Kathryn’s alive, which only proves that at the end of the day, Regina’s a wuss. Rip out her heart, cook it, and serve it to that bitch of a mother Barbara Hershey. That’s what happens when you get cold there in the shadow. You get bitter and mean. Regina, please be more evil. Thank you. For recaps, click here.
The Good Wife (CBS 9 PM): Kalinda deals with the consequences of Agent Delaney’s investigation…
…with a Catholic school girl skirt, a bad accent and possibly some cunnilingus. This show pretends to be classy, but it’s not so classy that I can’t love it. Long live Good Wife!
The Amazing Race (CBS 8 PM): A racer must decide whether to risk well-being for the game.
Let me guess, Rachel sobs and whines about something. She and Brendon are being super selfish by even being on this show. The cure for cancer is right in Brendon’s head, but noooooo. He cares more about a stupid prize. Sorry, people with cancer. For recaps, click here.
Celebrity Apprentice (NBC 9 PM): Creating a display for Trump’s new fragrance.
Old Spice, Propecia/Rogaine/hot glue cocktail, butt sweat and Ben-Gay. Make it sound sexy. GO! For recaps, click here.
Fox’s 25th Anniversary Special (FOX 8 PM): Highlights from iconic series and tributes to memorable moments; celebrities honoring the network include Calista Flockhart, Gabrielle Carteris, Shannen Doherty, Jason Priestley, Ian Ziering, Christina Applegate and Ed O’Neill; Ryan Seacrest hosts.
FOX masturbates on a Holy day. Classy. You know it’s gonna be big if they dragged Gabrielle Carteris out of her tomb. She’s generally very busy, ok?
Mad Men (AMC 10 PM): Don meets a potential client.
And most likely bones her in his office with a “why the f are you even speaking?” look on his face. For recaps, click here.
The Killing (AMC 9 PM): Richmond questions his political future.
I question why I am still watching this crap when it’s the same murder as last year. With some shows we’d call that “zero payoff.” It’s AMC, though, so it must be art. Ugh. Just tell me who killed the brat so I can get on with my life!
Real Housewives of Atlanta Reunion Part 3 (Bravo, 9 PM): Bravo milks another hour out of this crap.
The fight between Marlo and Kim over who’s the biggest whore is tonight! Girls, please. You’re both blatant whores, but Kim got a rock and a house, which means she won. Sorry Marlo! Let’s count how many times someone will say “Know what I’m sayin’?” just for fun. For recaps, click here.
Real Housewives of New Jersey Season Premiere (Bravo, 10 PM): Teresa and her brother Joe fight.
Horrible human beings losing their fake money right in front of our eyes. I’m in! This could be the season we finally see Teresa throwing a recycling bin at someone in an alley before turning bottles in for change. Chickbomb will be on cappy duty for the season. To catch up on recaps, click here.
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