Thursday, August 23
William Wallace was executed on this date in 1305. Killed as a traitor to the British crown (which he refused to recognize, as you may remember from Braveheart, although the other 99% of that movie was made up,) Wallace was hanged, drawn, and quartered, a punishment that wasn’t officially en vogue as an official sentence in Britain until 1351, but these things have to start somewhere.
Wipeout (ABC 8pm, 9pm) Contestants face obstacles including Boat Bouys, Swept Away, Ocean Commotion and Panic Hammocks./Contestants face obstacles that include Aunt Patty Cake and the Lumberjerks.
The nicest thing about the Olympics being over is that we can get back to quality athletic programming.
Oh Sit! (The CW 8pm) Daredevils compete for cash; Neon Hitch performs.
Neon Hitch is apparently her legal name. According to Wikipedia, “Hitch resented her parents for her birth name, Neon, and wanted to change it to something more conventional.” Of course, Wikipedia also said that she was born in the “east England countryside of London,” so, I’m taking the rest of the article with a grain of salt.
The American Bible Challenge (The Game Show Network 8pm) Premiere: Teams Charlotte, N.C., Plano, TX and Sacramento, Calif.
Hosted by Jeff Foxworthy, apparently the Game Show Network paid a lot of advertising dollars towards this one, if the banners reading “Do You Know the Bible?” all over my tv listings page are any indication.
And yes, quite a lot better than the people who write the show’s questions, apparently.
Beat the Chefs (The Game Show Network 9pm) Premiere: Christy Jordan; Brad A. Johnson; chef Brad MacMillian; chef Antonia Lofaso; chef Jeff Henderson; Eric Roberts.
I was about to say something about chefs nobody’s ever heard of, but then I saw Antonia Lofaso from Top Chef! I loved her, and the fact that this is where she ended up… well, it’s still probably better than Fabio’s Domino’s Pizza commercials.
Project Runway (Lifetime 9pm) The designers must create new looks for women who have just gotten new hairstyles.
I didn’t realize how important it was to match one’s hairstyle to one’s outfit. A five minute quest online has assured me that I am very fashion-forward in this regard, however; a ponytail is exactly the perfect hairstyle to wear with pajamas.
Burn Notice (USA 9pm) Finale: The team travels to Panama to capture an assassin; Madeline tries to obtain difficult answers.
If her question was, “Will there be another season of Burn Notice?” then I wish her luck finding the answer. I’m guessing probably, but can’t find a firm confirmation just yet.
Anger Management (FX 9:30pm) Finale: Charlie and Kate’s sexual episode leads to complications when he innocently asks her to a movie; Sam kisses a girl and the picture winds up on a social media site.
My momma always told me not to invite a girl to the movies “just as friend” if we had had sex, because it was only going to complicate things more.
New Jersey Social (Bravo 10pm) …..?
What does it all mean?
High School Moms (Discovery Family Health 10pm) Florence’s first prom; campaign to be prom queen.
Back in my day, prom queens didn’t get pregnant until prom night proper. Kids these days have absolutely no respect for the classics.
Suits (USA 10pm) Finale: Harvey needs Mike’s help, but Mike drops off the grid.
Renewal status: I don’t know! USA is being ridiculously tight-lipped about what’s being renewed for next summer. Or winter, whenever these shows usually come back.
What will you be watching tonight?