Tonight’s Top 10 Shows: Thursday, July 12

Thursday, July 11

July 12, 1843, is generally accepted by historians as the date on which Joseph Smith received his official “revelation” regarding the doctrine of plural marriage for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Apparently, when this revelation was read to Joseph’s first wife, Emma, she “did not believe a word of it and appeared very rebellious.”

“Dammit, why didn’t I think of that?”

Wipeout (ABC 9pm) Episode: It’s the John Henson Show — Contestants face obstacles including Henson Headshots, Slappy Meal and the Spin Psycho.

As if being trapped in an undisclosed location with John Henson for an hour wasn’t torture enough.

Big Brother (CBS 9pm) Premiere: Twelve new contestants move into the house; four successful players from previous seasons return to compete for a separate prize.

It’s baaaack! Make sure to keep checking TVGasm for all the latest news updates, recaps, and to join in on the forum fun, including live commentary from some of our snarkiest recappers.

The Choice (Fox 9pm) Finale: Actor Dean Cain, model Tyson Beckford, professional football player Ndamukong Suh and Dr. Robert Nettles look for love.

After an epic six episode season, this show, whose only goal is to bring true soulmates together, comes to a close. The pressing question that we all want answered is: do participants on this show sign a VD clause like people on MTV reality shows?

Swamp People (The History Channel 9pm) Finale: Troy searches for one more monster gator to make a statement; R.J. and Jay are down to their final tags; Bruce, Ron and Tyler face a daunting final day.

What kind of statement can you make through finding a monster gator except, “My leg! My leg! AAARGGHHH!!!”

Burn Notice (USA 9pm) Sam is kidnapped while in the Everglades; Fiona is in trouble with some dangerous inmates.

I’m thinking it’s about time somebody sends Fiona a “Stop Tanning Cos You’re Turning Orange” notice.

Rookie Blue (ABC 10pm) Oliver Shaw’s teenage daughter, Izzy, witnesses the brutal stabbing of a homeless squatter; when Izzy goes missing, officers rush to track her down.

What is it with TV cops’ kids always being witnesses to crimes and stuff? Remember how Stabler’s oldest daughter on SVU was always witnessing murders and rapes and stuff? No wonder she became an alcoholic.

Wilfred (FX 10pm) Ryan tries to stop Wilfred from waging war against an unlikely foe.

It will be a truly epic battle.

Snooki & JWoww (MTV 10pm) Snooki and Jenni invite their “Jersey Shore” roommates over for dinner.

I’m guessing that Mike, Ronnie, and Pauly D were asked to show up a couple of hours early since they’re the only ones who know how to cook in that house.

The Real L Word (Showtime 10pm) Premiere: Episode — Apples and Oranges

I used to work with a woman who had been an ER nurse and she had an interesting story involving lesbians and oranges. Word to the wise: just because an orange can fit somewhere doesn’t mean an orange should fit somewhere. And that’s all I have to say about that.

Louie (FX 10:30pm) Louie heads to Miami.

I’d be interested in a Louie/Dexter/CSI Miami crossover. Just saying.

What will you be watching tonight?

Have an event or factoid that you’d like to share with the ‘Gasm? Want to draw more people’s attention to your favorite show? Hit me up on Twitter @SuburBint or email me at SuburBint@gmail.com, and I will do my best to hook you up!

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