Thursday, July 19
The Great Fire of Rome began on this date in the year 64 A.D. While the actual cause still remains a mystery, historians can agree that Nero did not “fiddle while Rome burned” as he was in Antium, approximately 30 miles away.
Duets (ABC 8pm) After a final performance from contestants and their duet partners, the winner is announced.
They’re using the term “winner” very loosely here.
Saving Hope (NBC 9pm) Alex’s patient falls into a coma during a routine surgical procedure and encounters Charlie in the spirit world; Joel treats a patient who does his own body modifications.
I don’t think that even Vincent D’Onofrio’s character in The Cell did his own body modifications, and that dude was freaking insane.
“Are you kidding me? Of course I had these back rings done by a professional, under sterile conditions. What kind of person do you think I am?”
Auction Kings (The Discovery Channel 9pm) Chastity belts, thought to be from medieval times; the Garrett brothers bring in a barber chair and pole; an 1820 land deed.
Would you really want to buy a second-hand chastity belt?
Mountain Men (The History Channel 9pm) Finale: Eustace rides into town to make a final stand for his land; Marty battles weather and wind as he attempts to feed his family; an unwelcome bear threatens Tom’s family.
My family wasn’t crazy about the recent Yogi Bear either, but I wouldn’t say that we felt exactly threatened by it.
Project Runway (Lifetime 9pm) Premiere: A live runway show showcases designers’ talents.
Given how the contestants tend to dress themselves, why is it plausible that anybody is going to want to purchase their clothing lines?
I rest my case.
LA Hair (WE TV 9pm) Episode: The Big Blow Out — China breaks down in front of Kim; Angela defies Kim.
Every time I see an episode title that is a pun or has a double meaning, I just want to kick the person who came up with it in the junk. Because I know they make way more money than I do.
Anger Management (FX 9:30pm) Charlie falls for Jen’s hot new business partner only to find she thinks therapy is a scam; Patrick asks Charlie to counsel the angry ghost of his mother.
“Hot diggety, Jen can’t help but take my career seriously fall for me once she realizes that I’m basically a cross between Frasier and the Ghost Whisperer!”
Great Lake Warriors (The History Channel 10pm) Premiere: Captain John Selvick races out of port to try to beat bad weather; Chris Costello almost sinks a smaller tug in a dangerous maneuver; Captain Ted Long is forced to make a decision; Captain Stan Dawson attempts a rescue mission.
And don’t miss next week’s very special episode in which the captains join forces in order to battle Lake Huron.
Snooki & JWoww (MTV 10pm) The former roommates razz Snooki for being pregnant and engaged; Snooki and Jenni throw a housewarming party.
“You might as well get married now so you can get the divorce over with sooner rather than later,” isn’t razzing, it’s being an asshole.
Cajun Justice (A&E 10:30) Mardi Gras celebrations keep the deputies working around the clock; a thief tries to sell a stolen sound system; estranged spouses battle over beads.
It’s nice that A&E respects their viewers enough to know that we’ve already figured out that any two grown adults fighting over Mardi Gras beads are drunk, so they can just leave that adjective out of the episode description.
What will you be watching tonight?