Tonight’s Top 10 Shows: Tuesday, April 10

Tuesday, April 10

Today my son, SpideyBint, turns 5. I know, I know, mommyjacking my own article to talk about my kid, it’s ridiculous. But I tell you what, if you ever get attacked by a miniature Green Goblin, SpideyBint’s got your back.

The Biggest Loser (NBC 8pm) First lady Michelle Obama talks to the contestants about health and fitness, then joins them in a workout.

I know every First Lady is supposed to have a cause that she champions while her husband is in office, and usually I feel like it’s pretty much like Katniss and her fashion line in Catching Fire (shut up), but I’m still not over how good Michelle Obama looks in a sleeveless dress.

Glee (Fox 8pm) Blaine’s hot-shot actor brother, Cooper (Matt Bomer), visits Lima.

Where he surreptitiously downloads a top-secret program into Kurt’s iPod, thereby turning Kurt into a human super-computer/CIA agent and ruining his dreams of Broadway glory forever more. Thanks a lot, Blaine’s hot-shot actor brother.

Dancing With the Stars (ABC 9pm) KISS performs; contestants face elimination.

Is it just me, or does it kind of say a lot when KISS is performing on DWTS?

The Voice (NBC 9pm) Contestants face elimination.

It’s like they know we’re going to have so much time wasted during the actual show that they’re trying to spare us by keeping the episode description short, sweet, and to the point. Another reason The Voice is better than American Idol.

The Real Housewives of Orange County (Bravo 9pm) Episode: Bowling for Chumps Champs

I don’t think a guilty-pleasure show has the right to mock its audience that way.

Dance Moms: Miami (Lifetime 9pm) Lucas is made the star of the group performance; Susan’s outbursts put a damper on the studio; Hannah and Sammy must work to prove themselves.

Can someone who currently does or has at some point lived in Miami clear something up for me? On TV, every. Damn. Building. in Miami has at least some part of it painted in fun, vibrant, beachy colors (like the wall above.) Is it really like that? Is there a city ordinance? Does it ever make you want to claw your eyes out and/or graffiti a really dull brick pattern onto things? Inquiring minds, etc.

16 and Pregnant (MTV 10pm) An aspiring cage fighter wants to be an independent mother.

Somebody’s been watching way too many Gilmore Girls reruns.

Best Ink (Oxygen 10pm) The artist must create a tattoo that commemorates a life-changing event in their client’s life.

I actually don’t remember that exact same challenge on Ink Master.

Dream Machines (SyFy 10pm) Premiere: The Parker Brothers biggest client to date, 50 Cent, requests a one-of-a-kind Formula 1 race car.

I spend a lot of time scouring the TV listings every single day so that you lazy bastards don’t have to check them your own damn selves because I love you all so much, and I am noticing a disturbing trend where “celebrities” (and sometimes even no-quotation-marks celebrities) are appearing on multiple reality shows within a one to two week span. Examples: Debbie Gibson (The Celebrity Apprentice and Celebrity House Hunting), Aubrey O’Day (The Celebrity Apprentice and Styled By June), Jaleel White (Dancing With the Stars and Styled By June), and now 50 Cent, who was on The Finder last week (which is scripted, but still) and now this. What is going on? Leave your best conspiracy theories in the comments and we’ll get to the bottom of this one way or another.

Shannen Says (WE 10pm) Premiere: Rules of Engagement — Shannen’s wedding date is set; David Tutera helps plan the wedding.

This show is supposed to show a more balanced perspective of Shannen Doherty, so that we stop thinking of her as the psycho-bitch that we were all told she was during the ’90s.

If that’s the case, they probably shouldn’t have gone with this publicity photo.

What will you be watching tonight?

P.S. Yesterday’s fun fact was tweeted to me by our very own snowshoecat, and I really enjoyed both the fact and the initiative on her part. So if any of you have something you’d like to see featured as the event/fact of the day on Tonight’s Top 10 Shows, you can tweet it to me @SuburBint or email it to SuburBint@gmail.com.