Tuesday, February 14
NCIS (CBS, 8pm) A dead Navy captain dressed in an unusual costume underneath his uniform leads the team to discover a secret society; DiNozzo is forced to work with his ex-fiancee (Perrey Reeves).
I honestly didn’t even know that this show was still on.
Glee (Fox, 8pm) Will asks the glee club members to find and perform the world’s best love songs in honor of Valentine’s Day; Rachel’s fathers, Hiram (Jeff Goldblum) and LeRoy Berry (Brian Stokes Mitchell) visit McKinley High.
One of Rachel’s dads is Jeff Goldblum? So many things make sense now.
The Biggest Loser (NBC, 8pm) One player from each team goes home with a trainer and is the only player whose weight counts at the weigh-in.
One player from each team spends the entire day at McDonald’s.
Cougar Town (ABC, 8:30pm) Season Premiere: Jules is upset that Grayson thinks she is predictable; Ellie worries about little Stan’s behavior; Travis likes his new digs until Bobby tries to get him to take the dog.
Change the fucking name, already.
The River (ABC, 9pm) When the crew of the Magus goes blind from tree spores, lone holdout AJ must overcome his most-paralyzing fear to find a cure before the blindness becomes permanent.
Didn’t their parents tell them what would happen if they played with “tree spores?”
NCIS: Los Angeles (CBS, 9pm) As the team tracks an elusive, chameleonlike killer, NCIS Assistant Director Granger (Miguel Ferrer) critiques every step of the investigation.
I didn’t know this was a thing, either.
New Girl (Fox, 9pm) Jess talks Schmidt into being her wingman as she tries to have a casual fling with a handsome stranger (Ryan Kwanten); Nick finds himself spending less time with Julia and more time with her assistant; Shelby invites Winston over.
Cos the best kind of girl is a quirky girl.
Real Housewifes of Orange County (Bravo, 9pm) Gretchen poses nude.
For absolutely the first time ever, I’m sure.
Dance Moms (Lifetime, 9pm) Episode: Wardrobe Malfunction
For the love of God, please don’t be talking about Abby.
Ink Master (Spike, 10pm) Josh calls Shane out to prove his color skills and a fifth artist is eliminated.
I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say that Shane’s color skills are just fine.
Nobody fucks with the Jesus.