Wednesday, February 8th
Nature (PBS, 8 pm) Scientists follow a family of urban raccoons.
Rural raccoons raid garbage cans. Urban raccoons steal cars.
Modern Family (ABC, 9 pm) Claire thinks Phil’s new business partner (Greg Kinnear) is blatantly inappropriate, but Phil doesn’t notice.
Of course Phil doesn’t notice; all sit-com husbands are practically retarded.
Criminal Minds (CBS, 9 pm) The team investigates ritualistic casino-related murders in New Jersey.
Ritualistic casino-related murders? I’d be skeptical, but it is Jersey…
Nova (PBS, 9 pm) Conjoined twin girls undergo a series of delicate operations.
I’ll be watching this through my fingers. It at all.
CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (CBS, 10 pm) When woman dressed in vintage clothing and sporting a hairstyle from the 1970s is found dead, the team discovers clues that lead to a killer with a hair fetish.
You killed Kenley! You bastard!
Top Chef: Texas (Bravo, 10 pm) The chefs navigate the pantry blindfolded; another chef is added to the mix; the judges determine the final four.
Tonight, they bust out one of my favorite cliché constructions to hate—here, it’s “there’s no crying in fine dining.” I could punch Tom Hanks in the babymaker for saying that line.
American Greed (CNBC, 10 pm) Van Thu Tran and her crime ring steal millions during a nationwide casino-cheating scheme.
With a name like Van Thu Tran, a life of crime was almost guaranteed.
Law & Order: SVU (CBS, 10 pm) After auditioning for a reality show, a woman is found in Central Park unconscious, with drugs in her system and evidence of sexual assault.
Unfortunately, she signed one of those hold-harmless contracts, so…
The Soup (E!, 10 pm) Host Joel McHale offers a comic recap of the week’s major events in the worlds of entertainment, sports and politics.
I stopped watching the Soup, but right now I bet they have some great Bachelor clips on there. Ben is such a retard.
Jimmy Kimmel Live (ABC, 12 am) Actor Josh Hutcherson; actress Nathan Fillion; Far East Movement performs.
Laughing at that typo might not be the best idea, friend.