Tonight’s Top 10 Shows: Wednesday, August 29

Wednesday, August 29

Michael Jackson was born on this date in 1958. Nineteen. Fifty-eight. There’s been a lot of talk lately around the ‘Gasm lately about child stars gone wrong, but I think we can all agree that it doesn’t get much sadder than Michael Jackson.

Big Brother (CBS 8pm) The contestants compete in the veto competition.

Seriously, this show would be so much more interesting if they were armed to the teeth. Like Hunger Games, except nobody would be bummed when people died.

So You Think You Can Dance (Fox 8pm) The dancers perform with all-star partners; contestants face elimination; guest judge Jesse Tyler Ferguson.

This show would also be more interesting if the contestants were armed, not so they could kill one another, but because dancing while not cutting oneself on a super sharp pointy thing is a marvel to behold.

The Republican National Convention (PBS 8pm, and a whole bunch of other places at other times) The 2012 Republican National Convention from Tampa, Fla.

Speaking of people being armed…. A) Hasn’t Romney been nominated yet, and B) Why haven’t they all shot one another by now? I don’t get politics.

Oh Sit! (The CW 8pm) Chiddy Bang performs as 12 daredevils compete

Not having seen this show, I wonder each week how they succeed in making Musical Chairs truly dangerous. Land mines? Black Mambas? Marriage to Roseanne Barr? Really, what do they do to the losers, and is it safe enough to use as a motivator when I need my 5 year-old to pick up his toys?

America’s Got Talent (NBC 9pm) Three acts move on to the Top Six; performances by Neon Trees, Steve Harvey and Haunted by Heroes.

And that, kids, is why you never say “Biggie Smalls” three times into a row while looking into a mirror on Halloween night, or you two will be Haunted by Heroes.

American Guns (The Discovery Channel 9pm) A 1883 Howdah pistol recreation; Jon and Doug wager on who will get to present a Super Bowl champion with his custom rifle; Kurt announces his plans to leave Gunsmoke.

Premise: My professor in my “Guns” course at college posited the idea that American history wouldn’t really have been that much different if guns, both rifles and handguns, had not been so readily available to the common man. Discuss.

Royal Pains (USA 9pm) HankMed treats a pop star before her tour; Evan helps Paige prepare for school; Hank gets to know a local pediatrician; Divya becomes distracted.

In all fairness, if my name were Divya, I would probably be distracted all the time, mostly with thinking, “What the fuck were my parents smoking when they chose my name?”

Hollywood Exes (VH1 9pm) The women rehearse a dance number for the benefit.

What? Too obvious?

Top Chef Masters (Bravo 10pm) The chefs create an aphrodisiac dish; the chefs create their own Thai restaurant; Dita Von Teese serves as guest judge.

I find chocolate, avocado, and oysters to be aphrodisiac foods, but heaven help the person who tries to serve them all to me at once.

Necessary Roughness (USA 10pm) Finale: The team teeters on disaster as the season opener nears.

Oh look, it’s every football drama ever made!

What will you be watching tonight?