Tonight’s Top 10 Shows: Wednesday, Dec. 7

Watercooler

By NotWithoutMyTV | | 12:01 am | 13 Comments

Screen Shot 2011-12-06 At 5.04.01 Pm

Survivor: South Pacific (CBS, 8 pm): A castaway makes a big move during the immunity challenge; an alliance member becomes a liability.

So vague, and yet so very descriptive.

Baseball Wives (VH1, 9 pm): When Erica makes an offhand remark, Chantel is unable to let the insult go.

And they milk it for the whole season.

New Girl (Fox, 9 pm): Jess tries to take her relationship with Paul to the next level; Schmidt attends his boss’s baby shower.

Zooey Deschanel is so precious, you’ll puke until you get dry heaves.

Screen Shot 2011-12-06 At 5.04.45 Pm

The Biggest Loser (NBC, 9 pm): When the contestants compete in a marathon, the winner automatically becomes a finalist in the competition; the final three contestants are revealed.

Fat people. Marathon. That’s low-hanging snark. I can’t do it.

I Hate My Teenage Daughter (Fox, 9:30 pm): After Mackenzie and Sophie lock a student in the bathroom, Nikki and Annie ban them from attending a school dance.

Your teenage daughter told me she doesn’t think much of you either. And then I sold her a nickel bag.

Law and Order: SVU (NBC, 10 pm): When a child disappears on his way home from school, Benson and Amaro interview the distraught parents, who don’t trust the police

Two cops–an emotionally repressed ‘rhoid rager and a ballbuster with a Lesbian haircut–take every case extremely personally.

Revenge (ABC, 10 pm): Recent scandals leave the Graysons on edge; Emily targets the psychiatrist responsible for institutionalizing her as a child; Declan and Jack face a tough decision.

Yeah, that show that was advertised on all the bus shelters. It’s about… revenge. I guess.

Alaska Wildlife Troopers (Animal Planet, 10 pm): Fairbanks Wildlife Troopers respond to calls across a region that covers most of Western Alaska.

BEAR FUCKER, DO YOU REQUIRE ASSISTANCE?

Screen Shot 2011-12-06 At 5.08.50 Pm

Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew, Revisited (VH1, 10 pm): Featuring Rodney King, Amber Smith, Andy Dick and Nikki McKibbin.

Four semi-famous people who went through Dr. Drew’s program and didn’t die.

Note by Note: The Making of a Steinway (PBS, 10 pm)

Filmmaker Ben Niles shows the painstaking process of constructing a concert grand piano.

I want my pledge money back.

By day, I'm an editor. That means I get a cruel thrill out of identifying the parts of other people's creative projects that suck, and alerting those people to said suckage. Sometimes, I get paid for it. I've been known to lose my appetite after seeing how a Thai menu has folded, spindled, and mutilated the Queen's English. Imagine what TV does to me! I guess that's why I wanted to be a recapper at TVgasm. My friends have heard all of my rants, and they are sick of them. TVgasm is a whole new captive audience! So, let's make a compact, you and I: you agree to read my recaps and take what amusement you can from them, and I agree to put into the print the outrageous observations about the show that you thought, but were too PC to say. Let's share our joyous rage after wasting another perfectly good hour in front of the television.

Oh, and I still believe that Magnum, P.I. was the greatest show on television. Although I have not seen Thomas Magnum fishtail that Ferrari in the opening credits since I was 14. If Magnum, P.I. actually sucked, keep your damn squeal hole shut and don't ruin it for me, OK?

13 Comments

  1. 1
    CattyFan cattyfan
    Posted December 7, 2011 at 8:17 am

    Wait. I’m confused. On Revenge, Emily has already targeted the psychiatrist who institutionalized her…unless she’s going to finish the job.

    And on SVU, the description is for last week’s episode (which I watched only because Revenge was a repeat.) Oh…and the ‘roid rager isn’t on anymore. Now they have a Cold Case leftover (cold leftovers?) and the skinny waif from an NBC bomb from last season.

    The skinny waif (Kelly Giddish, who doesn’t look like she could take down a six year old who butted in line at Game Stop, much less a full grown angry human being) is a network favorite…but she’s yet to be successful on any show. Perhaps because she’s perpetually miscast.

  2. 2
    notwithoutmytv
    Posted December 7, 2011 at 9:29 am

    Cattyfan: I’m willfully behind the times on SVU (which I generally call Law & Order SUV). I knew the rhoid rager was gone, but I didn’t know Mariska whatshersnatch was gone. But in my head, they will always be there, always over-reacting, taking everything personally, and shoving PSAs down my throat. (“Gee,thanks, Det. Stabler! Now I know that 78% of campus date rape goes unreported!!!! That’s right, little crimesolver. Now you know, and knowing is half the battle.”) If those two aren’t there, I’d have to let go of my bitterness, and then, I don’t know who I’d be! (And on SUV, every time Benson would go off half-cocked and somebody would try to talk sense into her, she’d snarl “I can take care of myself!!!”, and then get seven different kinds of shit kicked out her by the perp. Maybe she’d escape herself, or need to be rescued, but the point is, her learning curve had no curve.)

    I find most female cop characters to be miscast. Too many times they have to be both cop characters and eye candy for the male audience. I remember after Amy Brenneman (who played a pretty convincing female cop on NYPD Blue) left, and they brought in a succession of barbie dolls to play other cops on the squad. And all these barbie dolls dated Sipowicz. Which made PERFECT SENSE.

    Personally, I’m gonna sit down with a big bowl of Tostitos (with a hint of lime!) and learn how to make one ‘a them there Steinway pianers at 10 pm.

  3. 3
    giffordsaz
    Posted December 7, 2011 at 10:31 am

    Biggest Loser was last night.

  4. 4
    CattyFan cattyfan
    Posted December 7, 2011 at 11:02 am

    your description of SUV is hilarious…while at the same time sadly accurate.

  5. 5
    Classy Drunk classy drunk
    Posted December 7, 2011 at 11:36 am

    So is there a new episode of “SUV” on tonight or is it a repeat?

  6. 6
    CattyFan cattyfan
    Posted December 7, 2011 at 12:07 pm

    New: The SVU team tries to take down a former football star on prostitution charges, but an old rival reappears to challenge them.
    Treat Williams guests.

  7. 7
    CattyFan cattyfan
    Posted December 7, 2011 at 12:09 pm

    Revenge

    New: After discovering a secret, Emily questions Nolan’s loyalty; Amanda settles into life in the Hamptons; as Victoria regains some power, things between her and Conrad take a turn for the worse.

  8. 8
    mere2142
    Posted December 7, 2011 at 1:57 pm

    The bear fucker caption made me giggle! But I still won’t watch the show.

  9. 9
    chooch850
    Posted December 7, 2011 at 3:07 pm

    “New Girl” was also on Tuesday night… it sucked by the way.

  10. 10
    lindaw205
    Posted December 7, 2011 at 3:33 pm

    I can only take Zooey in small doses….and 30 minutes is waaaaay too long.

  11. 11
    WaffleBoy
    Posted December 7, 2011 at 4:55 pm

    Thanks for the screen grab from Super Troopers. meow

  12. 12
    giffordsaz
    Posted December 8, 2011 at 9:31 am

    And was America’s Next Top Model n last night. I didn’t look for it becuase it wasn’t listed here but now I see a mini cap … is that current. ??
    How the hell are you finding out what to write here?

  13. 13
    notwithoutmytv
    Posted December 8, 2011 at 11:55 am

    I would read these largely for entertainment purposes if I were you. I base them on what a big TV-type website lists for times and episodes, but I’m not trying to be an alternative to TVguide. Or even the annoying pop-up guide on your cable. It’s for yuks, see?

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