Tonight’s Top 10 Shows: Wednesday, March 7

Wednesday, March 7

The original “We Are the World” single was released on this day in 1985.

Survivor (ABC 8pm) Castaways are left speechless after an electrifying tribal council.

I suppose that being made mute after being struck by lightning is too much to hope for.

American Idol (Fox 8pm) Mary J. Blige mentors the singers; the finalists perform songs by Whitney Houston and Stevie Wonder.

Not only has our weekly American Idol quota been cut down to two nights a week (woo-hoo!) but Mary J. Blige is mentoring. I love Mary J. Blige — she takes no prisoners and says whatever the hell she wants.

Are You There, Chelsea? (NBC 8:30) When Rick is promoted at the bar, his management style doesn’t sit well with his co-workers; Nikki and Dee Dee go on a cleanse.

I remember when NBC used to be the king of sitcoms, roughly around the same time as “We Are the World” was released.

America’s Next Top Model (CW 9pm) The models get makeovers and take part in an unusual photo shoot; guest judge Kris Jenner.

I love watching the models cry after their makeovers. Their tears feed my black, black heart.

Also, this happens. CREEPY.

Top Chef (Bravo 9pm) Reunion: Andy Cohen talks with season nine’s chefs and judges and answers viewer’s questions about this season’s dishes.

I sincerely hope that GroanyBooger is still very, very bitter about her loss, and makes a complete ass of herself yet again (see above re: my black, black heart.)

Happy Endings (ABC 9:30 pm) Alex and Jane try to convince Dave that he is remembering something that never happened; Penny and Max try to beat an annoyingly perfect couple in a scavenger hunt.

I can’t hear the phrase “Happy Ending” without thinking of a certain type of massage parlor. Because I am twelve.

Revenge for Real (ABC 10pm) Murder in the Hamptons: An electrician convicted of murdering his girlfriend’s wealthy husband tells his version of events from prison.

Really, ABC? If it doesn’t have Victoria Grayson, don’t waste my time.

Rock Center with Brian Williams (NBC 10pm) The man who shot his daughter’s laptop; Gawker Media CEO Nick Denton; Fukushima, Japan, a year after an earthquake, tsunami and nuclear crisis.

Brian Williams is one funny dude.

The Challenge: Battle of the Exes (MTV 10pm)  Wedding competition; a charged incident threatens to tear the house apart.

*yawn*

Happily Divorced (TV Land 10:30pm) Elliot agrees to be Fran’s faux-fiancé for the night at her college reunion.

They’re marketing this show with the line, “The laugh is back.” Is that supposed to make me want to watch it?

What will you be watching tonight?