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Wednesday, May 23
On this date in 1618, the Second Defenestration of Prague took place. It’s a complicated story, full of politics and religion, but the moral is this: if you ever have reason to believe that you’ve angered a Czech, stay on the ground floor.
The Middle (ABC 8pm) Finale: Mike’s brother, Rusty (Norm Macdonald), invites the Hecks to his wedding, but lists their address as the location of the ceremony; Brick isn’t allowed to go to a party that falls on the same day of the wedding.
Renewal status: Renewed for a fourth season.
American Idol (Fox 8pm) Finale: The top 12 reunite on stage; Ryan Seacrest announces the winner; Rihanna performs; Scotty McCreery performs.
Renewal status: Do we even need to ask? I fully expect this show to still be on in 2000 years, with the judges’ heads in jars à la Futurama.
Modern Family (ABC 9pm) Finale: While Gloria helps Cam and Mitch pursue an adoption opportunity, Jay and Manny baby-sit Lily; Alex attends her first prom; Haley makes a shocking announcement about her plans for the future.
Renewal status: Renewed for a fourth season. I didn’t realize it had been on that long!
America’s Next Top Model (The CW 9pm) Highlights: Reviewing this cycle’s challenges, photo shoots and dramatic moments.
Don’t Trust the B—- in Apt. 23 (ABC 9:30pm) Finale: June tries to keep up with Chloe and her party lifestyle; James loses it when he finds out that Dean Cain has a bigger dressing room than he has.
Renewal status: Renewed! Hooray!!! Although based on a review that I read at imdb.com, the fact that I like this show means that I am a “self satisfied jerk” with “moronic ideas that fester in [a] fevered mind.” Oh well.
Revenge (ABC 10pm) Finale: Emily intends to finally follow through with her plan for revenge; the Graysons continue down a path of self-destruction; an explosive event changes everything.
Renewal status: Renewed. I’m giving that news a tentative “Yay!” The story is too complex and has had too much happen so far this season to be a single season show like Harper’s Island, but if they keep it going for too much longer it’s going to turn into Prison Break. And this show deserves better than that.
Law & Order: Special Victims Unit (NBC 10pm) Finale: The team must proceed with caution when an underage escort is found dead at a wild bachelor party with high-profile people in attendance; Brian Cassidy (Dean Winters), a former SVU detective who is working under, helps Benson and Amaro investigate.
Renewal status: Renewed for a fourteenth season. Fourteenth! Dick Wolf is a dark television magician.
Around the World in 80 Plates (Bravo 10pm) The chefs work alongside local fishermen in Barcelona and serve some Mediterranean cuisine; Jose Andres is the local food expert.
Remember on Top Chef: All Stars when they had to catch their own seafood in two separate episodes? That was better.
Toddlers & Tiaras (TLC 10pm) Ava-Cate practices her booty smack; Samantha is a perfectionist; Traven wows the audience.
I’m thinking DearCrabby might finally have the snark-worthy content that she’s been missing.
St. Elmo’s Fire (TV Guide Network 10pm) A sax player, a party girl, a writer and other aimless friends drift after graduating from college.
For those of you who love the Brat Pack enough to watch this movie in half a screen while the nightly TV listings scroll endlessly underneath.
What will you be watching tonight?
Have an event or factoid that you’d like to share with the ‘Gasm? Want to draw more people’s attention to your favorite show? Hit me up on Twitter @SuburBint or email me at SuburBint@gmail.com, and I will do my best to hook you up!