Tonight’s Top 10 Shows: Weekend Edition

Saturday, July 21

Not a whole lot on tonight, but I suppose it really doesn’t matter because the Weekly World News assures me that:

So, been nice knowing you and everything, but if the Weekly World News says it’s going to happen, then it must be true.

Sunday, July 22

German actress Franka Potente, best known for playing the titular character in Run Lola Run and Matt Damon’s love interest in the first two Bourne movies turns 38 today.

The Bachelorette (ABC 8pm) Finale: Joined by her family in Curacao, Emily makes her decision.

I got so annoyed with Emily that I stopped watching halfway through the season. Internet research tells me that she’s left with Arie and Jef, which I’m pretty sure we all saw coming from the very first episode. And she’s going to pick Arie, because he’s a race car driver like her ex whom she is clearly still hung up on.

Big Brother (NBC 8pm) The new head of household nominates two contestants to face elimination.

It would appear that Big Brother is TVGasm’s bread and butter. Who knew? (Everybody, obviously, except me.)

Leverage (TNT 8pm) The team tries to keep a hockey enforcer from sustaining permanent injury in the playoffs.

And now I want to watch The Tooth Fairy. Despite all of my expectations to the contrary, it totally did not suck.

Keeping Up With the Kardashians (E! 9pm) Bruce and Angie Everhart become golf buddies; Rob moves back in with Khole and Lamar.

And for some bizarre reason, a disproportionate percentage of the population keeps caring.

Food Network Star (Food Network 9pm) Finale: The final three are joined by their families and the winner is revealed.

Do other reality competition shows bring the families in for the finales, or just cooking shows? Off the top of my head I can distinctly remember this being how they do things on Hell’s Kitchen, MasterChef, and Top Chef. But I’m not so sure about shows like America’s Next Top Model or Project Runway.

True Blood (HBO 9pm) Sookie considers life without faerie powers; Sam locates shooters; Hoyt finds a new group of friends; Alcide prepares for a fight; Lafayette searches for Jesus’ body.

I’m totally expecting an angel to appear to Lafayette: “He is not here. He is risen!”

Big Ang (VH1 9pm) Lil’ Louis needs training to show off his star power; Ang moves into the house of her dreams.

I hope Big Ang wasn’t planning on decorating with a lot of animal prints, because Snooki & JWoww bought up every scrap of animal print fabric in the entire state of New Jersey.

The Bachelorette (ABC 10pm) After the Final Rose: Emily, Arie and Jef talk about the outcome.

How ironic would it be if Arie were to be in a plane crash on his way to film this episode?

The Real Housewives of New Jersey (Bravo 10pm) Kathy opens a gelato stand in Patterson; Teresa is accused of profiting off her family’s recipes; the husbands meets and expose feuds and frail friendships which threaten to jeopardize the Napa trip.

“The husbands meets.” When did they start letting Teresa start writing the episode descriptions?

Strange Sex (TLC 10pm) Wesley’s genitalia has swollen to 160-lbs.

Poor guy probably has to go everywhere pushing his junk in front of him in a wheelbarrow.

What will you be watching this weekend?

Have an event or factoid that you’d like to share with the ‘Gasm? Want to draw more people’s attention to your favorite show? Hit me up on Twitter @SuburBint or email me at SuburBint@gmail.com, and I will do my best to hook you up!

To get the funniest quotes from TVgasm recaps as they’re posted, follow us on Twitter. You can post your favorite lines right back at us. If you want to play games and socialize, like our Facebook page! We’re also now on Pinterest and Tumblr! Thanks for being a part of the ‘gasm!