Saturday, May 5
Today is the 150th anniversary of Mexico’s victory over the French. I would not recommend going out for Mexican food tonight unless you want to wait two hours to be seated.
Treasure Island (SyFy 7 pm, 9pm) After discovering Captain Flint’s treasure map, Jim Hawkins finds a foe named Long John Silver. Jim Hawkins and Long John Silver must decide what they value more… Captain Flint’s treasure or their lives.
“Many’s the long night I’ve dreamed of cheese — toasted, mostly.”
Escape Routes (NBC 8pm) Finale: The teams head to Las Vegas and the winners are revealed.
Whereupon Smash Mouth will play “All Star” and the credits will roll.
UFC: Miller vs. Diaz (Fox 8pm) Jim Miller vs. Nate Diaz; Pat Barry vs. Lavar Johnson; Josh Koscheck vs. Johny Hendricks. From New Jersey.
I would also not recommend going out to a sports bar tonight unless you want to be surrounded by wannabes in TapOut regalia talking about arm-bars and Brazilian jiu-jitsu and Muay Thai and generally spilling beer and yelling a lot.
2012 Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony (HBO 9pm) Inductees include Beastie Boys, Donovan, Guns N’ Roses, Laura Nyro, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Small Faces/the Faces, the Blue Caps, the Comets, the Crickets and the Famous Flames at the ceremony in Cleveland.
From his Wikipedia article: “Donovan withdrew from performing and recording several times during his career, but he underwent a revival in the 1990s with the emergence of the rave scene in Britain.” I’m not entirely sure what it says that his target audience during both peaks of his career was people who were completely tripping balls, but Mellow Yellow is a groovy song, so good for you, Donovan.
Get Rich or Die Tryin’ (VH1 9pm) A drug dealer wants to leave his violent life behind and pursue his dream of becoming a rap artist.
The best thing about this movie is Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje, whose penis I have seen more times than I care to remember on OZ.
Sunday, May 6
Today is National Nurses Day. It is also National Crepe Suzette Day.
Once Upon a Time (ABC 8pm) As Henry begs Emma to stay in Storybrooke, Regina works on a plot that could rid her of Emma permanently; Snow White asks her cohorts to help save Prince Charming and defeat the evil queen.
Do we have a definitive answer on whether this show has been renewed for a second season? It’s so much better than I ever thought it would be.
The Amazing Race (CBS 8pm) Finale: The teams race through Japan and to Honolulu, where one team wins the prize.
I’m beginning to think that the Dos Equis commercials have been lying to us: Phil Keoghan is the most interesting man in the world.
The Celebrity Apprentice (NBC 9pm) The five remaining celebrities must create a print ad campaign for a hair dryer; following an elimination, the final four contestants go on a job interview; past contestants John Rich and Marlee Matlin help choose two finalists.
I’m fairly certain they’re not going to use Arsenio as the face of that campaign. Masterpiece Mystery (PBS 9pm) Sherlock, Series II: A Scandal in Belgravia — Sherlock and Watson become involved in a blackmail case involving a dominatrix.
This is not your grandmother’s Sherlock Holmes.
Mythbusters (The Discovery Channel 9pm) Fan favorites are taken to the next level and no result is safe.
Liz Lemon watches Mythbusters as an aphrodisiac. I kind of get that. Explosions are sexy!
What will you be watching this weekend? Have an event or factoid that you’d like to share with the ‘Gasm? Want to draw more people’s attention to your favorite show? Hit me up on Twitter @SuburBint or email me at SuburBint@gmail.com, and I will do my best to hook you up!