Top 10 Shows, Weekend Edition

Tonight's Top 10 Shows

By NotWithoutMyTV | Friday, March 1, 2013 | 6:29 pm | 8 Comments
Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Top 10 TV Shows Weekend Edition

 

Literal violation. Like, literally.

March 1 is National Punch a Person Misusing the Word ‘Literally’ in the Junk Day. Just go to where people congregate, and listen. In about 30 seconds, you will hear some fuckwaffle misuse ‘literally.’ Then, get to junk-punching. You’ll get out some of that built-up aggression, and, you’ll be making a difference.

 

Friday, March 1

Malibu Country (8:30 pm, ABC) Reba’s brother shows up and decides to help Lillie Mae turn her barbecue sauce into a successful business; June embarrasses Cash at school.

Them wacky big-city folks in Californie don’t know nuthin’ ʼbout no bar bee cue sauce!

Tanked: Unfiltered (9 pm, Animal Planet) Brett and Wayde share their thoughts on the 2,700-gallon shark tank they built for actor/comic Tracy Morgan.

Hopefully their thoughts include throwing Tracy Morgan into the shark tank.

Out There (10:30 pm, IFC) Chris gets an embarrassing new nickname by a school bully and tries desperately to get rid of it.

A friend of mine got a bad tattoo on his bicep of that Led Zeppelin album cover with the Hindenburg crashing. It didn’t come out very well. Everybody said it looked like a half-hearted erection. Thus began the legend of “Ol’ Dick Arm”.

 

Good boy.

Anderson Cooper 360 Special (10 pm, CNN) A closer look at the Jodi Arias case; the evidence and the contradictions.

Next week, Anderson takes a closer look at the risks of being Mindy McCready’s dog.

 

Saturday, March 2

Untold Stories of the ER (9 pm, Discovery Fit & Health) A man’s eyeballs pop out.

Hey, it can’t be any more disgusting than that Incredible Dr. Pol show.

 

Because not every man can be Stedman Graham…

Unfaithful: Stories of Betrayal (10 pm, OWN) A secret leads to a nervous breakdown; the stress of dealing with her husband’s infidelities sends a woman into pre-term labor.

Also known as A Bunch of New and Different Ways that Men Can Fuck Up Your Life.

The Orgasm Diaries (12:30 am, Sundance) An amateur photographer documents his torrid love affair with a taxidermist.

My guess is that Nancy Grace has never been without a statute mile of an orgasm. Ever.

 

Sunday, March 3

All-Star Celebrity Apprentice (9pm, NBC) For the first time ever, 14 returning celebrity contestants join Donald Trump in New York to take another shot at competing in business challenges to raise money for their favorite charities.

Despite the “For the first time ever…” intro, you could be forgiven for not feeling the novelty…

Girls (9 pm, HBO) Hannah tries to hide her anxiety from her visiting parents; Marnie is surprised by news of Charlie; Adam meets a boisterous woman; Ray’s aversion to college parties gives Shoshanna pause.

…and everybody shows their boobs except Marnie.

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By day, I'm an editor. That means I get a cruel thrill out of identifying the parts of other people's creative projects that suck, and alerting those people to said suckage. Sometimes, I get paid for it. I've been known to lose my appetite after seeing how a Thai menu has folded, spindled, and mutilated the Queen's English. Imagine what TV does to me! I guess that's why I wanted to be a recapper at TVgasm. My friends have heard all of my rants, and they are sick of them. TVgasm is a whole new captive audience! So, let's make a compact, you and I: you agree to read my recaps and take what amusement you can from them, and I agree to put into the print the outrageous observations about the show that you thought, but were too PC to say. Let's share our joyous rage after wasting another perfectly good hour in front of the television.

Oh, and I still believe that Magnum, P.I. was the greatest show on television. Although I have not seen Thomas Magnum fishtail that Ferrari in the opening credits since I was 14. If Magnum, P.I. actually sucked, keep your damn squeal hole shut and don't ruin it for me, OK?

8 Comments

  1. 1
    JimbobJones JimbobJones
    Posted March 1, 2013 at 9:37 pm

    Man, I was going to make a joke, but I literally just died laughing.

  2. 2
    CattyFan cattyfan
    Posted March 2, 2013 at 11:50 am

    Doesn’t the Mark Burnett Bible project start this weekend? It may not be for everyone, but it’s getting a lot pf press.

  3. 3
    crankyguy crankyguy
    Posted March 2, 2013 at 12:36 pm

    I was gonna pass on History’s Bible series, but then I saw that Burnett promised that he would not take too many liberties in the presentation of the narrative, so I’m now gonna DVR it and see how it is. It starts Sunday night.

    And also starting Sunday is TLC’s trailer park series, Welcome to Myrtle Manor. A South Carolina trailer park and the Bible all in one night. Bet they don’t have THAT in France, itchy.

  4. 4
    DizzyLizzy
    Posted March 2, 2013 at 1:47 pm

    I’m literally going to Myrtle Beach tomorrow for the week. I’m really hoping to run into that trailer park I’ve seen on the TLC promos. Because I will literally sit on their porches with them and drink PBR. Ya’ll might think I’m a grammar stickler but I’m really just a redneck at heart!

  5. 5
    CattyFan cattyfan
    Posted March 2, 2013 at 1:59 pm

    Uh-oh. I didn’t realize the Bible thing was on sunday. The Bible versus The Walking Dead? Tough call for me, but I think I’m going with the zombies.

  6. 6
    crankyguy crankyguy
    Posted March 2, 2013 at 2:06 pm

    @DizzyLizzy, I will literally give you the address and phone number:

    Patrick’s Mobile Home Park
    2000 Hwy 15
    Myrtle Beach, SC 29577
    (843) 448-6369

    @cattyfan, I’m sure they will repeat during the week.

  7. 7
    NotWithoutMyTV NotWithoutMyTV
    Posted March 2, 2013 at 3:55 pm

    I’m getting that look on my face. The one I get right before I do some heavy junk-punching.

  8. 8
    Laura Gill Laura Gill
    Posted March 4, 2013 at 12:04 am

    The Bible was meh. They cut stuff for time’s sake. I mean, where’s the golden calf? I was promised copious amounts of idol worship and now I feel stiffed.

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