Monday, June 11
On this day in 1507, a vicious feud broke out between two Roman families, the Gorgas and the Guidices, possibly over a scandalous woodcut. The feud would last for 3 tumultuous years, and many parties and gatherings would be disrupted by their duels and wig snatching. Finally, the ruling Medici, Lucio “Roller” Medici, rounded up both factions and exiled them to the backwater isle of Sicily. During a sudden storm, the two ships were separated, and the Gorgas never made landfall in Sicily. The two families would not be able to continue their feud until meeting in the New World more than 500 years later.
The Bachelorette (ABC, 8 pm) A disrespectful comment about Emily’s daughter sparks drama.
This comment would be the much publicized “Ricki is baggage” statement. Have you ever tried to get a single mom into the sack when the child is around? Try that and then tell me kids aren’t baggage.
2012 Stanley Cup Final (NBC, 8 pm) Game 6. From Staples Center in Los Angeles. (If necessary, alternate programming includes “America’s Got Talent,” “American Ninja Warrior” and “Grimm.”)
I see no real difference in entertainment quality between goons on skates smashing each other’s teeth out and anything you’d see on America’s Got Talent, but I suppose hockey fans might disagree.
Hell’s Kitchen (FOX, 8 pm) The men compete against the women in a challenge in which they serve classic American fare to special diners; the winning team takes a day trip.
The “special” diners are supertasters. You might slip burned risotto past Ramsay if he’s hung over, but a supertaster will nail you every time.
Emphatically not normal.
Are You Normal, America? (OWN, 9pm) Having a tattoo; sex acts in public.
Normal for whom? Me? Jenna Jameson? Oprah Winfrey? Let’s make sure these statistics are comparing apples to apples, please.
Bunheads (ABC Family, 9pm) Tired with her career as a Las Vegas showgirl, a woman starts life anew by impulsively marrying a man and moving to his sleepy coastal town.
… and she rediscovers the real meaning of Christmas.
Monster-In-Laws (AETV, 10 pm) A woman and her 2-year-old daughter move into her mother’s home following a hurricane, but her husband is not welcome.
Grind up some eszopiclone, sprinkle it on the old hag’s toothbrush, and sneak him in through the window. No biggie.
Gene Simmon’s the Family Jewels (AETV, 10 pm) Shannon believes the family will try to sabotage her interviews with the adoption agency; an angry and missing Sophie refuses to return Shannon’s calls.
She starred in Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death, he’s Gene Simmons. I think the adoption agency was already leaning toward “not on my watch”.
Real Housewives of New York City (THE HOUSE THAT ANDY BUILT, 9 pm) LuAnn and Ramona clear the air; Ramona thinks Aviva has been too chatty; Sonja goes missing at a GLAAD event.
It was the 976th mention of that goddam prosthetic leg that sent Ramona (and me) over the edge.
It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia (COMEDY CENTRAL, 9:58 pm) Paddy’s Pub: Home of the Original Kitten Mittens.
Mittens made of kittens? Mittens for kittens? A drink called Kitten Mittens?
The Wendy Williams Show (BET, 12 am) Talk show host Bethenny Frankel.
Haven’t seen Jill Zarin’s bitter old ass on any of these shows…