Tonight’s Top 10 TV Shows, Mon., Dec. 26th

Watercooler

Monday, Dec. 26

Screen Shot 2011-12-26 at 10.27.55 AM

Rudolph’s Shiny New Year (ABC, 8 pm) Rudolph the reindeer comes to the rescue when an evil bird kidnaps the New Year baby.

Arthur Rankin and Jules Bass occasionally sought inspiration in drugs. Sometimes you get Heat Miser. Sometimes, you get… this.

You Deserve It (CBS, 9 pm) Contestants try to solve puzzles in hope of winning money for a beneficiary of their choice.

Host douche Chris Harrison continues killing time until the next Bachelor(ette) show requires his irreplaceable talent.

House (Fox, 8 pm) After Cuddy’s mother (Candice Bergen) complains of unusual symptoms, she is admitted to the hospital; Masters questions her principles.

They’re never really sick until the vomit blood.

Raw Alaska (Discovery, 10 pm) Incredible stories in Alaska; back country skier; a man run over by a buffalo.

I saw the whole thing. That buffalo had the right of way.

Scouted (E!, 10 pm) Cheyann suffers from a lack of confidence; Gina has unique features, but doesn’t want to leave her family behind.

Everybody knows what it means when a model is said to have “unique features”.

Unique Sweets (Cooking Channel, 10:30 pm) The most unique doughnuts in the U.S.

They found a fresh one at Dunkin’ Donuts.

Wild Russia (Green Planet, 12 pm) Wildlife thrives among the volcanos of the Kamchatka Peninsula.

Commie wildlife.

The Nutty Professor (Cinemax, 10 pm) An obese scientist drops the pounds and his poor self-image when a secret formula turns him into a slender ladies man.

From Eddie Murphy’s persona non grata period.

Candy Queen (TLC, 10 pm) Jackie creates a fireman themed groom’s cake and a Hawaiian surfer paradise for a boy’s barmitzvah.

Somewhere in Nevada, Janelle Brown is salivating.

Rock Center with Brian Williams (NBC, 10 pm) A funding platform that helps turn creative dreams into reality; Lou Bellamy, artistic director and founder of Penumbra Theatre in St. Paul, Minn.

I have a very creative dream about Padma Lakshmi. Maybe that funding platform can help me realize it.

By day, I'm an editor. That means I get a cruel thrill out of identifying the parts of other people's creative projects that suck, and alerting those people to said suckage. Sometimes, I get paid for it. I've been known to lose my appetite after seeing how a Thai menu has folded, spindled, and mutilated the Queen's English. Imagine what TV does to me! I guess that's why I wanted to be a recapper at TVgasm. My friends have heard all of my rants, and they are sick of them. TVgasm is a whole new captive audience! So, let's make a compact, you and I: you agree to read my recaps and take what amusement you can from them, and I agree to put into the print the outrageous observations about the show that you thought, but were too PC to say. Let's share our joyous rage after wasting another perfectly good hour in front of the television.

Oh, and I still believe that Magnum, P.I. was the greatest show on television. Although I have not seen Thomas Magnum fishtail that Ferrari in the opening credits since I was 14. If Magnum, P.I. actually sucked, keep your damn squeal hole shut and don't ruin it for me, OK?

3 Comments

  1. 1
    CattyFan cattyfan
    Posted December 26, 2011 at 8:31 am

    I get Chris Harrison and Chris Hardwick confused…until they start talking.

  2. 2
    WaffleBoy
    Posted December 27, 2011 at 6:29 am

    “I have a very creative dream about Padma Lakshmi. Maybe that funding platform can help me realize it.”

    Does it take place at the Penumbra Theater in Saint Paul? Because then I think you may have a shot.

  3. 3
    Tapnfeet99
    Posted December 28, 2011 at 9:09 pm

    Poor Janelle. She’s trying but food keeps getting in the way!

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