Thursday, Jan. 5
What’s spellcheck ever done for me?
Toddlers & Tiaras (TLC, 6 pm) Large prizes draw contestants to the America’s Trezured Dollz pageant in Nashville, Tenn.
Candice? Are you sure you spelled the name of that pageant right?
Project Runway All Stars (Lifetime, 9 pm) Guest judges include famed fashionista Miss Piggy and supermodel Miranda Kerr.
Isaac Mizrahi will ask Miss Piggy what it’s like to @#$! Kermit.
The Secret Circle (CW, 9 pm) Cassie shares a deep secret with Adam; Diana is ecstatic when her grandmother visits, but Charles becomes suspicious when his mother takes an interest in Cassie; Faye asks a mysterious stranger for help with a spell.
This show is dangerous because it makes witchcraft seem so easy. These kids haven’t put in the time, you know?
Futurama (Comedy Central, 9 pm) The series is reimagined in three distinct animation styles.
Matt Groening, this isn’t porn, okay? Don’t try to make it all “arty”.
Private Practice (ABC, 10 pm) Pete and Violet struggle to split time with Lucas; Addison prepares for a new baby; Violet and Jake work with polyamorists.
If you’re pregnant, don’t let Addison Montgomery touch you. She is the prenatal Angel of Death.
The Mentalist (CBS, 10 pm) Lisbon encourages Van Pelt to seek counseling.
His sister would only charge him 5¢.
Nice, but I did a better job on Russell Armstrong.
American Stuffers (Animal Planet, 10 pm) Daniel uses the oven to dry animal parts; his wife erupts.
Actually, the animal parts erupt first. Then his wife does.
Alaska: The Last Frontier (Discovery, 10 pm) Atz Sr. leads a herd of cattle across glacial rivers.
Well, that’s just asking for trouble.
Jersey Shore (MTV, 10 pm) The roommates are excited to be back in New Jersey; Mike threatens to destroy Snooki’s relationship with Jionni.
If Jionni’s waking up next to Snooki didn’t destroy their relationship, Mike sure isn’t going to be able to.
The Tonight Show (Bravo, 11:30 pm) No public figure, whether a movie star or politician, is safe from the brunt of Leno’s barbs.
“The brunt of Leno’s barbs?” Now that’s funny.